Have I overreacted

[beardedlobster]

Sorry a bit of an essay.
When we viewed our house two years ago we absolutely loved it however we were concerned as the offices of a charity back onto it and there was a massive window which overlooked the garden. We asked the office about how used this area was and they were brilliant. They let us in and showed us that actually those windows were frosted and never opened to ensure privacy of the residents whose houses they backed onto. Fantastic we moved in and never once have had a problem.
On Friday I was out in the garden wearing a vest top and knickers hanging out my washing. I heard a whistle and looked around and one of the office windows was wide open and a man was looking at me waving and had his phone out as though taking a picture. Please note this is not a stealth boast there is nothing attractive about me in a vest top and knickers!
I was mortified and after getting dressed went round and complained to the company and described what had happened.
I have heard back from them today and they have informed me they were able to identify the individual involved who had admitted it and showed them the pictures he had taken on his phone (which he has since deleted) and said he was just messing around. The individual has been suspended pending investigation so they have asked me to write an official incident form to detail what has happened. I was really happy they had taken it seriously.
My friend has been round this afternoon and I was telling her and she was flabbergasted that I have made such a big deal and told me I should withdraw my complaint as someone could lose there job and it was my fault for being in my Garden with hardly any clothes on. She said I obviously want to feel like a victim.
I’m really upset now. I in no way want to feel a victim however I feel the man in question behaved in at least an unprofessional way and should be held accountable for his actions.

Am I being unreasonable to continue with my complaint?

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. Why should anyone take a picture of you like that and get away with it? If I saw my neighbour in her garden I wouldn't take a photo of her whatever she was/wasn't wearing.

I'm not one of these posters who want every tiny thing logged with the police but I honestly think I'd be contacting them in this instance.
Had he saw you and did nothing I don't think you'd have reason to complain but he didn't, he took photos, that is awful.
I'm glad his employers are taking it seriously and if he loses his job as a result that is in no way your fault

You absolutely did the right thing. Don't doubt. Have no regrets. You're too nice for thinking otherwise, your friend is a sap.

YADNBU! Horrid, creepy, sleazy perv!

Your friend is awful too, trying to make like it’s ok to behave like that! 😡

YANBU!!

he should be sacked

also what kind of windows are they? Where I work backs on to one private garden. Those windows only have a tiny top opening section so they are all locked anyway, as well as the windows being frosted.

unfortunately any company should be able to foresee that some idiot bloke on the staff is going to try this.

Are you sure you want this person for your friend? She sounds a bit of a twat.

Your “friend” is as thick as mince and nasty as shit.

Please please continue with your complaint, and if you don’t get a satisfactory response take it further. How DARE this sleazy cunt photograph you

YANBU, that’s icky, to say the least, and your friend is excusing shit behavior.
Sorry you had that happen (the man and your friend excusing the behavior and being more concerned about the well being of the pervert).

I knew a woman that was a Lady Misogynist and would constantly excuse such behavior as the females’ faults. I had the impression it stemmed from her own insecurities and she actually thought such behavior was flattering. That among other reasons is why we’re no longer friends.

Absolutely not unreasonable. Take this as far as you can.

I am currently awaiting a report about an incident at work, and a fellow manager (mercifully unaware of the details and with NO role in the investigation and disciplinary process) is already hanging on my shoulder questioning whether suspension is 'unduly severe'.

No it bloody isn't. Suspension is in order to investigate properly and is not in itself disciplinary. The offence in question is a similar level of severity, but there have been numerous decisions made in the past by ex-management which give stagerringly high account to the perpetrator's mitigating circumstances, and few if any to the victim of the offence.

Make your displeasure thoroughly known, OP.

You did the right thing.

Many charities work with people who are vulnerable in one way or another- he may not necessarily be fired, but he certainly needs some training about respecting and interacting with women. Charities cannot afford to employ people who happily show such clear disregard for others.

You had more clothes on than many people would wear at a swimming pool or beach (or even in their gardens, some people sunbathe in bikinis)- does your friend think that men have free rein to wolf whistle and photograph everyone at the local swimming pool?

Your friend's comments are an example of the fact that our wider society not only expects women to tolerate unwanted attention from men, but also expects us to cover up their misdemeanors and shield them from the consequences of their own actions and choices. Your are absolutely not unreasonable to follow this up with the charity.

Just a thought..do you think it might be worth trying to get those windows bricked up permanently on ‘the back of’ this incident OP?
Because what would happen if another company ever bought the building and decided to put in unfrosted glass/unlock the windows? It might save hassle in the future if it was dealt with now - as a matter of urgency, following your experience?

....and I imagine the charity would be willing to bend over backwards atm - to show goodwill etc

What horrible behaviour. You were right to complain.

It's beyond creepy to take a photograph of you.

I'm sorry you've been so upset .

Most construction firms I know have a very strict wolf-whistling/harassment policy and that kind of behaviour would likely result in being sacked or at least getting a warning of gross misconduct.

He was at work, on company property, during a time when he's on the clock and wolf-whistled you. The company are right to seriously consider their employment of him as his actions are awful.

I'd also be considering what you could do to stop the windows being opened onto your garden - have you any options? A fast growing hedge? Trees? A trellis? you shouldn't have to but since this has happened, you can't trust that everyone who works in that charity will keep the wretched windows closed all the time, so I'd definitely look into options.

Some friend, with friends like that hey. You did the right thing 100% the man invaded your personal space and violated your privacy, he's a pervert and could've filmed anyone, anywhere on that phone. So don't feel guilty, you're the victim here remember and if he loses his job as a charity worker, good, they've weeded out a bad one with your help. That was a disgusting thing he did and should be held accountable, maybe he'll learn not be such a disgusting individual now who's learnt by his mistakes, tell your "friend" he's lucky, you could've gone to the Police. Hope your ok, that must've been horrible to know someone is perving, or goodness knows what else, over a picture of you, you never gave permission and he purely violated you're personal space.Good luck.

What an extremely ODD friend?! You were within your own property, someone invaded your privacy and photographed it.. YADDNBU. Disgusting creep, he should be sacked.

You didn’t over react, all you did was complain. The company have dealt with it as they see fit.

You know your garden is not private but overlooked, there is a window overlooking your garden, you know people are at work behind the window, you know it is hot weather and the window is likely to be open for fresh air. And yet you hang washing in your knickers.

bonnyshide

Ah yes, how dare the OP expect not to have her picture taken by a pervert. She is such a CF!

Your friend is very unreasonable.

Men like this should not be allowed away with these things.

If your friend would be ok with it, that's her choice. But it's your choice not to like it and I'd say you're in the majority.

I think you did the right thing. Do not be put off by your friend.

As other posters have said, if the charity helps vulnerable people they will not want someone of his character with access to them.

If this is the sort of behaviour he is happy to display at his place of work, goodness knows what he is like when left to his own devices.

Yanbu at all. I'd be furious.

YANBU! He was meant to be at work and yet instead he was mucking about on his phone, hanging out of a window and leering at a woman. He brought his company/charity into disrepute with his behaviour. Any of those could be construed as misconduct. All of them? Well, I'm afraid he deserves whatever he gets.