My noisy kids in restaurants

[MrsMacron]

DH and I are at an utter stalemate on this issue.

We have 2 DS, 4 and 2. DH insists on going to 'fancy' restaurants for evening meals, although this isn't really ideal for the children. I'd prefer lunch times at more family friendly places but I compromise.

I try to avoid screens so I'll pack treats/ crayons/ stickers and chat with them, so although the kids are never loud ie never shout or scream,so they will chat at little kid volume which is higher than adult volume. E.g. Recently DS4 and I were chatting about swapping faces, he found it hilarious for some reason and started giggling loudly and describing his life as my mum.

DH got extremely angry at this lack of manners and stormed out. He feels at a nice restaurant to correct thing is to hand them an iPad each and let them be quiet so as not to disturb other diners.

I think the right thing (if we must go to fancy places) is to teach them to eat at nice restaurants by conversing with them, and diners would rather hear a 4 yo giggle a bit than listen to an entire meal of Peppa Pig, however low the volume.

AIBU? What would you rather hear?

[Sleeplikeasloth]

Mummyoflittledragon, it's not like Dr Why is unique here, or saying that all children are OK with this.

We eat on a regular night 6.30ish, and sometimes aren't finished until we'll gone 7. We go out for plenty of evening meals, and it's fine. We change our toddler into night clothes before we leave, they sleep in the car, and we transfer. Usually back by 9-9.30, which is only about an hour later than regular bedtime, and they are fine with this. Children with a slightly later bedtime are much more likely to manage this fine, so you'll find people that tend to take their babies/toddlers out, are ones with later bedtimes generally. Half 8 is about usual bed here, but they also don't wake until gone 8.

No banging, no squealing, no crying, just good natured time together at the restaurant.

I don't think it's rare for little ones to be able to enjoy dinner out, people just don't often do it in the UK.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Sleeplikeasloth
I get that. Some children are fine with later bedtimes, i imagine it partly depends on the routine parents set out. I didn’t install a 7 pm bedtime because I wanted my evenings. I installed a routine when dd was a couple of months old because we were both struggling badly. Someone suggested Gina Ford and it worked. She went from being all over the place and either getting no sleep or struggling to stay awake to feed to the most contented lo alive. I continued to follow that into her toddler years and it stuck. The routine set means that dd is always up for School so it all worked out in the long run.

[Sleepyblueocean]

SalemBlackCat surely that depends if the only time you spend together as a family is at mealtimes. At weekends we are together all day so we don't need to be communicating for every minute of that time. Also in a place that is likely to give ds sensory overload it is the last thing he needs. Although I am probably doing more actual parenting than any other parent there since ds needs constant watching and supervision.
All those who feel sad etc if they see a child not directly interacting with their parents would feel a lot sadder if they saw the distress if his coping mechanisms were removed.

[Teateaandmoretea]

I really don't understand the relevance of 'my dc couldn't cope in restaurants in the evening/ goes to bed at 7pm' etc. It isn't about your dc and they are all different. My nephew wouldn't cope but I don't avoid taking mine out as a result . Parents have their own rules about bedtimes/ different children need different amounts of sleep because everyone is an individual.

[DrWhy]

Mummyoflittledragon I wasn’t trying to argue that all children could cope with being up that late just trying to counter the pages of people arguing that all small children go to bed at 7pm and will be overtired horrors if they do not.
I never began a routine where he was in bed before 8pm as I knew it wouldn’t be sustainable when I went back to work. He wakes around 7ish although doesn’t have to be up until nearly 8 and he’s a cheery little chap in the daytime so I am assuming that he isn’t suffering. I was rather irritated by the assumption that some people seemed to be making that it was cruel and unreasonable to have a child still out at a restaurant at 7.30pm finishing their meal.
Sleeplikeasloth it sounds like we have basically the same routine going - it’s nice to know that I’m not totally alone in this! It means we can all eat together instead of shoving the previous nights leftovers into the toddler at 6pm and trying to get him to bed then starting cooking for us at 8pm which is the only way we’d ever manage an earlier bedtime.
I’m answer to the OP though - your husband is an arse! Either he goes to nice restaurants, models excellent behaviour, helps to keep your DC quietly occupied and engaged or he goes to ‘family friendly’ restaurants where he can ignore them and the resulting din goes unnoticed - or he can pay for a baby sitter and you can go out as a couple. Throwing a tantrum sounds more unpleasantly disruptive than two small children!

[Puffycat]

Children of 2 & 4 should not be in posh restaurants in the evening, sorry.
We frequently took ours out for lunch and they quickly learned how to behave in public. I think you should get a babysitter if going out for an evening meal.
Unless on holiday, where it’s deemed v appropriate to take little ones out in the evening, even if they are asleep in the buggy

[Teateaandmoretea]

Unless on holiday, where it’s deemed v appropriate to take little ones out in the evening, even if they are asleep in the buggy

What if you are on holiday in the UK is that not acceptable to your rules?