My noisy kids in restaurants

[MrsMacron]

DH and I are at an utter stalemate on this issue.

We have 2 DS, 4 and 2. DH insists on going to 'fancy' restaurants for evening meals, although this isn't really ideal for the children. I'd prefer lunch times at more family friendly places but I compromise.

I try to avoid screens so I'll pack treats/ crayons/ stickers and chat with them, so although the kids are never loud ie never shout or scream,so they will chat at little kid volume which is higher than adult volume. E.g. Recently DS4 and I were chatting about swapping faces, he found it hilarious for some reason and started giggling loudly and describing his life as my mum.

DH got extremely angry at this lack of manners and stormed out. He feels at a nice restaurant to correct thing is to hand them an iPad each and let them be quiet so as not to disturb other diners.

I think the right thing (if we must go to fancy places) is to teach them to eat at nice restaurants by conversing with them, and diners would rather hear a 4 yo giggle a bit than listen to an entire meal of Peppa Pig, however low the volume.

AIBU? What would you rather hear?

[Sleepyblueocean]

I'd wonder why on earth you are taking children that young to fancy restaurants when it is going to be hard work for all of you.

[Stephisaur]

How fancy are we talking here? Most places I would consider properly fancy wouldn't allow young children.

If it's somewhere like Miller & Carter (fancy-ish to me, but not super expensive) I would rather hear you teaching your children how to behave in public and learning proper table manners.

Alternatively, a quiet activity for the table (I was always given a book to read if I was bored at dinner).

[Buglife]

I don’t think the fancy restaurant is the issue it’s the timing. In London I’ve been to plenty of very nice places and seen loads of kids around... for lunch. You don’t have to take kids solely to Pizza Hut or a Harvester etc just because they are kids, but you do have to be mindful of what people are likely to be doing at that time.

[juneau]

4 and 2 is, IMO, far too young to be taking DC to fancy restaurants, particularly in the evening when they're tired. Adults going to those kind of places may be celebrating a special occasion or just want some peace and quiet. If they wanted to be surrounded by noisy pre-schoolers they'd go to Pizza Express or Giraffe. I'll never forget going out for our 10th anniversary and it being ruined by a nearby table with noisy small DC. I have kids and I take them out to restaurants, but we don't go to fancy ones as it's not fair on anyone. Kids don't appreciate them and other adults hate. Your DH is being VU. Can't he take you out for a nice meal and leave the DC with a babysitter????

[Gromance02]

Lupercalia Yup. I couldn't agree more. OP I bet you are the type that mis-reads people looking over at you thinking your children are cute when in fact they are trying to subtley let you know that they can hear your kids and they shouldn't able to.

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

Sorry but fancy restaurants in the evening aren't for very young children. Tbh it's not fair on them being expected to sit quietly at that time of night or other paying customers.

Probably best to get a sitter or lower your standards of where you choose to eat.

[Scotinoz]

I have a 3 and 4 year old. If we eat out with them, we eat early at 'family friendly' places (Beefeater, Pizza Express etc etc).

I have no desire to waste a nice dinner by spending the whole time telling them to sit down/ssshhhh/whatever, or listen to other parents do it.

Your husband is a doosh.

[Buglife]

Stephisaur I have never seen a restaurant however fancy saying they don’t allow young children. The very well off are more likely to see eating somewhere like that as standard and therefore more likely to take kids! Although most people would want to savour the experience and therefore go without.

[MeinNameistMud]

If you can afford to eat out regularly at fancy restaurants, then you can afford to bung a local teenager fifteen quid to babysit for the evening.
That way you, the kids, the other customers and the teenager all benefit.

Also, compromise is meeting in the middle. If you are doing as your husband demands, that's not "compromising".

[Wildlingofthewest]

I think your doing the best thing. Your trying to teach your kids to behave properly in a restaurant- I think that is much better than shoving an iPad in their face and essentially telling them to be seen and not heard. That’s the compromise your husband needs to make if he is going to insist on going out to inappropriate places.
Next time he suggests it why don’t you just decline and tell him he can go on his own - then he will have all the peace and quiet he wants!

[Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar]

Diners at "fancy restaurants" don't want to hear 4 year old's giggling anymore than they want to hear Peppa Bloody Pig.
Don't inflict them on other adults trying to relax in the evening until you've taught them to behave.

[BigFuckingManatee]

Scotinoz do you mean douche?

OP I don't think it's appropriate to take children that young to a "fancy" restaurant. As others have said some people go there for a "date night" to reconnect with each other and to escape their own kids, for lack of a better way to word it. I don't think you were being unreasonable to choose interaction over ipads, and your husband was unreasonable to storm out.

[NeffSaid]

I’d rather hear laughter obviously! But I can’t stand the practice of giving kids screens at meals, regardless of where the meal is.

As with PP, it’s hard to know how fancy these restaurants are. It’s also hard to know just how noisy your kids are being.
But one of my happiest memories of eating at a genuinely fancy restaurant - Le Gavroche - was of
seeing a little girl, maybe 6 or so, being treated by her grandparents and her awe and excitement at the various dishes coming out.

[SprayingMonsters]

Wow

[Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar]

I don't think the well off routinely take their toddlers with them when they go out for the evening, Buglife, however downmarket they might class the restaurant
Seeing someone else's squalling brats in a restaurant does not encourage you to bring your own kids next time!

[ArmySal]

I bet user isn't much bigger than a Polly Pocket in RL, wouldn't say boo to a goose

[Ennirem]

Well that escalated quickly...

[amusedbush]

I'd prefer not to hear either. I've chosen not to have kids and part of that is so that I can enjoy my free time without the noise that goes along with them. I don't want to pay to eat somewhere nice and have other people's kids chuntering away all night.

If you're going to use a tablet, you really can't use it without headphones in a public place.

[PaddyF0dder]

I don’t see how you’re “compromising” by taking little kids to a fancy restaurant in the evening. That’s not a compromise. That’s giving in to your husband.

I couldn’t be bothered bringing my very young brood to a nice restaurant in the evening. We go out for lunch to family friendly places fairly often, but even then I sometimes wish I hadn’t bothered.

It sounds hell for you and hubbie. Boring for the kids. And hell for other customers too.

As a side note, I don’t ever want to be the iPad family in a restaurant. So the trick is to go somewhere family friendly and just hope for the best.

[Hillingdon]

There are some restaurants who don't encourage little ones but don't have an outright ban.

Always remember going to the Fat Duck which only takes a maximum of 50 people and seeing a table of 4 with 2 kids under 10. We went for lunch because the meal is between 3.5-4.5 hours! Its literally a theatre production. The kids were dressed nicely but bored silly. There are NO kids meals and a set menu. No choices at all.

I have to wonder what on earth the parents were thinking of. They were the only kids there. Its definitely not a kids place but at £200 per head some people have more money than sense!

My SIL complained that when abroad and staying in a luxury hotel with an adults only restaurant she wasn't allowed to bring her 18 month old in. After my niece was asleep. She literally demanded that she or the maitre d ask each of the tables if they minded. There are some people who really don't think of anyone but themselves.

Your DH is totally in the wrong. Why don't you get a sitter? If you can afford upmarket places the cost wont bother him and it will be SO much nicer

[AdriannaP]

book a babysitter and take the kids to child friendly restaurants for lunch!