My noisy kids in restaurants

[MrsMacron]

DH and I are at an utter stalemate on this issue.

We have 2 DS, 4 and 2. DH insists on going to 'fancy' restaurants for evening meals, although this isn't really ideal for the children. I'd prefer lunch times at more family friendly places but I compromise.

I try to avoid screens so I'll pack treats/ crayons/ stickers and chat with them, so although the kids are never loud ie never shout or scream,so they will chat at little kid volume which is higher than adult volume. E.g. Recently DS4 and I were chatting about swapping faces, he found it hilarious for some reason and started giggling loudly and describing his life as my mum.

DH got extremely angry at this lack of manners and stormed out. He feels at a nice restaurant to correct thing is to hand them an iPad each and let them be quiet so as not to disturb other diners.

I think the right thing (if we must go to fancy places) is to teach them to eat at nice restaurants by conversing with them, and diners would rather hear a 4 yo giggle a bit than listen to an entire meal of Peppa Pig, however low the volume.

AIBU? What would you rather hear?

[Pebblespony]

If I've managed to strong-arm someone into taking care of my child long enough for myself and DH to have a nice meal then I don't want to have dinner listening to someone else's child practicing conversation. Don't go or else give them the screens.

[HelenUrth]

So your husband's idea of teaching manners is:

1. It's ok to look at a screen right through a meal.
   
2. If you're not happy just throw a tantrum and storm out.
   

Is this the sort of education you want for your kids?

[JuicyStrawberry]

Wow there really are some obnoxious people. Quite ironic that after this thread I have just come across one.

I was just walking past a cafe after picking my tired 3 year old up from nursery. He was playing up. A woman sat outside told me he was disturbing her peace and to shut him up.
We weren't even in the cafe, I was trying to get home. And still someone manages to have a moan. If she had just let us pass without making a fuss we would have been gone out of her way much quicker.

[Clandestino]

Your DH would be better off to invest into a babysitter. Too early to start instilling manners in a fancy restaurant and annoying for other visitors too.
Start teaching them manners during a lunch in a family restaurant, then progress further as they get old. When I go to a fancy restaurant, I don't want to share my dinner with tired children trying to behave themselves and nervous and stressed out parents pissed off at the kids and each other.

[butlerswharf]

We go to high end restaurants at lunchtime instead. Places you'd think aren't family friendly often have a few couples in with babies/ toddlers during lunch service. It makes for a much more enjoyable meal as you don't feel like you're annoying other diners' nights out.

[JuicyStrawberry]

Think I will just have to gag him next time I walk past a cafe. People are so pathetic.

[Sweetpea55]

If we are in a nice restaurant in the evening I don't want to hear kids or cartoons. At the that time of the evening they should be tucked up in bed

[missperegrinespeculiar]

yes, well, in the UK clearly it is culturally not very appropriate to have children in restaurants after 7pm, or anywhere really after 7pm, so what you do will be seen as problematic whichever solution you adopt

I must say this was always one trait of British culture I disliked, I prefer to see children out with their families and well-integrated into normal social life as you see on the continent or many Asian countries, I am always much more relaxed when out with children there and often stressed out when here, I wish we'd just relax a bit!

[QueenOfMyWorld]

I have a ds who is 4 and I wouldn't take him for dinner after 7,tbh I like rare childfree night with dh so we get a babysitter.It really wouldn't bother me if restaurants stopped children from entering after 6.30pm

[happypoobum]

I'd prefer lunch times at more family friendly places but I compromise.

I think you are confusing the word compromise with "completely cave to his demands"

He sounds like a complete toady wanker. Why are you tolerating this shit?

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Your DH has a very weird idea about how to teach your children how to behave in restaurants!!
Give them an iPad each? No!

I am one of those hellion women who takes her children out to restaurants, in the evening and always has done. They do not shout, they do not scream, they do not run around. They play with crayons, toy dinosaurs or cars, or whatever the restaurant might have to offer. Our local Italian has some children's books that they can look at, as well as pencils and crayons. It also has paper table coverings that can be drawn on.

If you don't teach them how to behave in a restaurant, how are they going to learn? We go early (6pm) and are out by 8pm. The boys have always had bedtime after this (trust me, I tried to get them into bed earlier but they'd wake up after half an hour and then be NOT tired until at least 11pm - not worth it).

We've had some Looks over the years, but since the boys don't make noise above normal conversational level, it would be the proper child-haters who can't stand to see children out in the evenings who really had an issue with them.

[Jux]

I wouldn't much mind your children being there, and behaving as you describe.

I definitely do not want to see kids out long after bedtime just expected to entertain themselves on screens, especially if they aren't using headphones. I don't want to have screen noise at all, and I don't want children speaking loudly because they're wearing headphones and can't judge their own volume properly.

Your dh is being a complete arse in every way, tbh. He should be taking his family to family type restaurants at reasonable times. He should not expect to devolve responsibility for his children's behaviour to screens. Arse, arse arse arse arse. It's made me a bit cross!

Just refuse to go again until your children are older. There are exceptions, of course, special birthdays or occasions, but they're just that, special.

In the olden days, my parents and relatives might take us kids to fancy restaurants, but upbringing was v different back then, mostly we knew exactly how we were expected to behave and complied. There weren't family friendly restaurants back then anyway, the alternatives for us were, well, Wimpy.

[clyde5591]

Your DH certainly did not display any manners while eating out -
he was tired, fractious, threw a tantrum and left!!!
Wow - a great role model for eating out in any establishment. All this because his 4yr old son was giggling!
Your problem isn't with DC (at 4yrs and 2yrs they are still babies really) it more with your DH's attitude and insistence on this issue when it would be better, more practical for children to eat earlier before they become to tired.
Suggest you may have to deal with DH's attitude toward his children before anything

[MissEliza]

Parents were more sensible in the 80s. Hear! Hear! My dps would occasionally take us to a restaurant in Glasgow where children could only eat in the restaurant downstairs. The old fashioned waitresses would tell you off if you didn't finish your food and gave you a lollipop if you did. Good times 😁.
Now I have a craving for sausage, beans and chips!

[BlitheringIdiots]

Fancy to me is a Michelin starred restaurant. Sounds like you've gone to an independent restaurant which to me isn't 'fancy' but just nice. I would prefer to see children in a restaurant learning to eat properly in a sociable way than sitting glued to a screen. We don't allow screens at restaurants. We talk. Colour etc. But equally don't tolerate loud ness that would disturb others. Your children sound fine to me OP

[Shampooeeee]

shiklah I want to ride on a cheese trolley, that sounds so much fun.
Agree with PP that Brits need to lighten up. Not all children need to go to bed at 7pm.

[CalF123]

The idea that children shouldn't eat out is complete nonsense. My DC have both been taken to nice restaurants from a young age and both knew how to behave appropriately.

[Luisa27]

Spudlet oh don’t you’re making me homesick 😥
It is true though - we spend around 5 months of the year in Tuscany and the difference is palpable. As soon as we go into any trattoria with the children, they’re welcomed and indulged endlessly - it’s just a lot more relaxing and less uptight for everyone

[MrsMacron]

Hmm, OK, the responses seem to be split, between don't take them in the evening and let them converse, but a hard no to the iPads.

The insane thing is that because DH is glowering at them for perceived 'bad manners' it makes them harder to manage. After he left, the owner came at the end of the meal to say the kids were lovely to have. On my own I've taken DS4 to proper fancy places without a seconds problem, but not at dinner and not with DH around!

[PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks]

Horror of horrors, DD wants to go ice skating for her 11th birthday and eat in their "casual dining" restaurant, and invite DS, who will then be 7!

[Racecardriver]

The right thing to do is not to take small children to fancy restaurants. I don't see why the foot year old would be so loud though. You should have told him to be quieter immediately. I also don't understand the whole children dial list than adults thing. They really don't.

[Yogafailure]

Jeezo there's a lot of deleted posts on a thread about children in restaurants aren't there?

nosey old woman here

[mathanxiety]

Your DH is being completely unreasonable.

Storming out is pathetic. Does he treat his colleagues like this when things don't go his way at work?

I would personally prefer the sight and sound of two small children being themselves in a restaurant than the sight of a grown man throwing a hissy fit. I would find it incredibly disturbing and I would worry about you and your DCs all week.

Next time he wants to go somewhere fancy, tell him that sounds lovely, and to hire a babysitter for the children.

Or tell him you'll have his slippers ready for him when he comes back, and you and the DCs enjoy each other's company at home. Everyone will have more fun.