My noisy kids in restaurants

[MrsMacron]

DH and I are at an utter stalemate on this issue.

We have 2 DS, 4 and 2. DH insists on going to 'fancy' restaurants for evening meals, although this isn't really ideal for the children. I'd prefer lunch times at more family friendly places but I compromise.

I try to avoid screens so I'll pack treats/ crayons/ stickers and chat with them, so although the kids are never loud ie never shout or scream,so they will chat at little kid volume which is higher than adult volume. E.g. Recently DS4 and I were chatting about swapping faces, he found it hilarious for some reason and started giggling loudly and describing his life as my mum.

DH got extremely angry at this lack of manners and stormed out. He feels at a nice restaurant to correct thing is to hand them an iPad each and let them be quiet so as not to disturb other diners.

I think the right thing (if we must go to fancy places) is to teach them to eat at nice restaurants by conversing with them, and diners would rather hear a 4 yo giggle a bit than listen to an entire meal of Peppa Pig, however low the volume.

AIBU? What would you rather hear?

[Sleepyblueocean]

There is nothing wrong with tablets that are not disturbing anyone and they enable some families to go out who would otherwise not be able to. My son wants to be with us but doesn't want to converse - that would be too much in environments like that.

[ellsbells2]

I think the behaviour of your husband was worse than that of your child.

I wouldn't expect to find children that young in a restaurant after 7pm as everyone we know that has or had young kids has them in bed by that time.

We don't eat out in the evening with ours, but if we did I'd probably take headphones and iPads. I would leave conversing over the dinner table until they were a bit older.

[Spudlet]

DS is 2 and has been out for plenty of meals, but only one in the evening. It was booked by my in-laws and was a bit of a nerve wracking experience for me, although with the aid of plenty of toys (quiet ones), a book and as a last resort, Hey Duggee with the sound off, we made it through. It was Christmas and an early sitting so he was by no means the only child there either. But lunch out in a relaxed sort of place is a pleasure with him - in fact, we've just got back from doing just that. We take plenty of quiet toys, a few breadsticks to placate him if there's a wait, and choose places with a kids menu, and he's happy as Larry. Why put yourself through the stress when it's easily avoided and totally needless?

[AnnabelleLecter]

The entertainment of a meal is conversation and the food etc.
Not Peppa pig, unless she is on the menu of course.

[Lethaldrizzle]

Sleepblue - 'there is nothing wrong with tablets as long as they are not disturbing anyone,' - so who decides what is disturbing? Are you talking low volume or headphones

[PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks]

The fanciest we get is the Spaghetti House. It's an event once a year, that's where it's held and it's from 7.45 - about 10. The DC are never overtired because it's in the Christmas holidays and they've slept in. They bring toys, or in the 10yo's case, a book, and they never bellow.

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

Agree that your DH storming out is showing your kids a really poor example.

But they are so young to be out that late. I totally agree with you that a family-friendly lunch is more ideal.

But that's not your problem, your problem is a stroppy husband who thinks getting is own way is more important than putting his kids to bed at a decent time. They will not cope with that when they start school. You really need to put your foot down on this and put your DCs' best interests first.

[FrangipaniBlue]

I'm with @shiklah !!!

Only in MN world are children banished to only have meals out pre 6pm

We don't do fancy a la crate type restaurants but similarly I do not do any of the "family friendly" places being quoted because honestly, the food is shit.

But according to some people I'm not allowed to enjoy a nice meal with DH and DS because their need for total undisturbed silence has trumps.

As long as children are not running around, not screeching and shouting and are showing general good manners I fail to see the issue, as some PPs have pointed out, a group of adults drinking merrily can be far noisier than a well behaved, well mannered child.

The only way a child can learn how to behave in public to be taken out in public and taught by the parents, and this does not involve shoving an iPad or any other electronic device in their hands.

[isthisspring]

We have always taken our pair out to eat as we have always eaten out but at 2 we would only do lunch as they would be in bed time routine by 7pm. Now they are 9 I would take them out at that time. DC who are used to eating out are no noiser than adults, particulary some adults after a couple of glasses of wine. I personally cannot stand hearing cartoons when out, use a headphone or mute it.

[Anewme2018]

I wonder how parents coped before the days of handing their kid a tablet or their mobile....

I really think families eating at the dinner table needs to make a come back with no distractions, no screens or colouring etc. Start it early. That would be the best way to train them up ready for the world of dinning.

[KevinTurvey]

Bugger, I've missed all the deleted posts.
Op you're h is a twat 😠

[NutElla5x]

You husband sounds like an absolute twat.I would refuse to go out with him, and in future take the kids out for lunch to a child friendly place where they could actually have a bit of fun!

[ClaryFray]

Your DP is an arse.

He can either have a fancy meal with the kids there. Or have one alone wit just you when he's arranged a sitter.

Noisy kids in restaurants are those running around, screaming, and being naughty. A child giggling, may require a gentle nudge to be quite but not the reaction he gave

[Luisa27]

Ahahaha - I’m Italian and we always take children out to eat in the evenings, lunch, whenever - it’s such a different culture here in the UK, surrounding this issue.

OP - move to Italy! 😂

[JuicyStrawberry]

Your kids suck

You suck but oh well. We can't all be perfect.

[Sleepyblueocean]

"I wonder how parents coped before the days of handing their kid a tablet or their mobile...."

Children like mine didn't go out - that's if they weren't in institutions. I don't yearn for the good old days.

[Hillingdon]

There was a restaurant/pub where children were only allowed in the sit down area in Windsor (very topical!).

No hanging around the bar or trying to sit on bar stools around a high table. It was because food and hot drinks were being served. There was also a sign up saying that children seated at the tables were not to wander around.

I only went at the weekend but a number of times I saw parents trying to argue with staff about the rules i.e their precious ones wanted to sit at the bar, they wanted to try the high stools. They were bored waiting for the food and the restaurant had to expect that they would want to wander.

The staff were really struggling to control this and once a waitress with a tray of hot drinks tripped. It missed the child wandering around and merry hell broke out but honestly. Everyone thinks their child is the well behaved on, how can you guarantee at 1-2 that they will sit quietly. You really cant!

I don't like to see a young child in a fancy restaurant especially at night. You are eating expensive food and drinking nice wine. Having a child throwing food around, wet wipes, dirty tissues etc littered around the table or bawling their head off/ listening to an IPAD is not the sort of atmosphere I am paying for

[CalF123]

YANBU

I hate seeing DC on screens in restaurants. iPads didn't exist when my DC were little and people seemed to cope perfectly fine. They should be taught how to behave in such surroundings- which doesn't involve being on screens.

[Ohmydayslove]

I would t go anywhere with a man who storms out of restaurants. How unattractive is that?

[freddiemercury]

To answer your actual question..which would i rather...then definitely a child giggling and interacting with their parents.
I have no issue with children in any restaurant...wouldn't bother me in the slightest... 'not my child, not my problem'!!
Your husband on the other hand sounds like a bit of a selfish sod.... poor you..

[MorrisZapp]

We never went to restaurants when I was a kid. It was the eighties, nobody did.

I'm laughing at the idea that you only learn to sit nicely by being taken to nice places. I didn't turn up aged 15, throwing food and crying because I was bored. Kids don't need to learn to sit nicely, they just need to not be six years old any more.

Each to their own but I couldn't relax and enjoy food with my DS farting about and being annoying. So I'll wait until he reaches a civilised age before spending cash on eating out as a family in the evening.

[PaddyF0dder]

Sometimes I take my brood (4-year-old boy and two 1-year-old twins) to Nando’s or other similar establishment.

What with the wandering, the dropping of food, the squirming, the refusal to eat, and finally the fucking money I then have to spend for the preceding hellish hour or so, I tend to wish I hadn’t bothered.

And then I do it again a few weeks later. What can I say? I love me some Nando’s. Wings roulette is my happy place.

I was a kid in the 80s. I don’t think my parents ever took us to restaurants. Parents were more sensible in the 80s.

[Babdoc]

Why not just get a babysitter, put the kids to bed at a reasonable time, and enjoy a nice child-free, adult meal in a fancy restaurant with your DH? The kids can learn table manners at home, or in informal lunch restaurants. When they're old enough to behave appropriately, and have a later bedtime, they can join you in the evenings.
Oh, and DH needs to learn some manners, too! One does not storm out of restaurants having a silly tantrum - at least not over the age of three.

[JustSeeingHowManyCharactersWeC]

We don't take our children to fancy restaurants, we save them for child free times, but we do take them out to our local pub, usually for lunch. The promise of ice cream for pudding does wonders for behaviour..!

[Spudlet]

Luisa My favourite place to eat with ds is a proper (as in not a chain, but a proper family-run business) Italian restaurant in the nearest town to us. Children aren't tolerated there - they are actively welcomed. And the food is great! It's like a teeny bit of Italy in Norfolk, and I love it.

Find yourself a proper old-school Italian place op, and you'll be golden!