My noisy kids in restaurants

[MrsMacron]

DH and I are at an utter stalemate on this issue.

We have 2 DS, 4 and 2. DH insists on going to 'fancy' restaurants for evening meals, although this isn't really ideal for the children. I'd prefer lunch times at more family friendly places but I compromise.

I try to avoid screens so I'll pack treats/ crayons/ stickers and chat with them, so although the kids are never loud ie never shout or scream,so they will chat at little kid volume which is higher than adult volume. E.g. Recently DS4 and I were chatting about swapping faces, he found it hilarious for some reason and started giggling loudly and describing his life as my mum.

DH got extremely angry at this lack of manners and stormed out. He feels at a nice restaurant to correct thing is to hand them an iPad each and let them be quiet so as not to disturb other diners.

I think the right thing (if we must go to fancy places) is to teach them to eat at nice restaurants by conversing with them, and diners would rather hear a 4 yo giggle a bit than listen to an entire meal of Peppa Pig, however low the volume.

AIBU? What would you rather hear?

[Buglife]

Neff DH and I recently ate at Rules in Covent Garden in the evening and there was a family there with two young boys all dressed up for grandfathers big celebration, tucking into the amazing food and I thought that was great. There’s really no rule against children in “fancy” restaurants as long as the parents are mindful of the other diners, I’d say under 6 years old stick to lunch time, always take a child out if they scream or cry, keep reminding them to keep volume to minimum and don’t let them get off the chair. Also don’t get starters or if you do get the child’s food to come out with the starter and their dessert with the adult mains!

[TeeBee]

Surely at that age, they're in bed by 7ish anyway. Are you dining prior to that? To be honest, at a normal teatime I think its perfectly reasonable to have children dining. What kind of fancy are you talking about here? Mitchelin starred or a gastropub? I love hearing children conversing and laughing (not whinging and crying or watching ipads). So your DH is expecting your children not to be children? Good luck with that!

[AdriannaP]

and I definitely would not want to listen to Peppa Pig when I have dinner even in a mid range restaurant.

If you have to take the kids out in the evening get some headphones.

[selavy]

This thread escalated quickly...

OP - I think that the first option is the right one. There is no reason why kids can’t join a family dinner if they are well behaved and I think you’re right in wanting to have them join conversation rather than just giving them an iPad. Outside of this UK this is pretty normal (from my experience) and I find it strange that people here have so little tolerance to sharing an environment with children, especially when they have kids themselves.

[BreakfastAtSquiffanys]

Peppa Pig with headphones.
No headphones, no pig.

[ConciseandNice]

YANBU. Also a grown man storming out of a restaurant in a strop? This is abysmal behaviour. He needs to check himself. If he wants to eat in fancy restaurants in the evening with small children he needs to be involved in them learning appropriate behaviour for those circumstances-not demonstrating inappropriate behaviour himself. Awful. I don’t know how you put up with it.

[lostforinspiration]

Your DH insists on going to nice restaurants with young DC but doesn't seem interested in interacting with them/as a family while you are there or it seems in teaching them any manners? And then storms off in a huff.... errrr.....really?
I don't think giggling is a lack of manners, I would enjoy seeing a child interacting with its parents at a family meal.

[Buglife]

Iamagreyhound where did I say the well off see fancy restaurants as downmarket?! I mean that if you were very used to eating in expensive places you probably wouldn’t think of it as a treat and would be more likely to take the kids to places others would not. I base this on seeing lots of kids in expensive restaurants in London when I’ve been with DH. As a PP mentioned seeing a young girl in La Gavroche!

[Gromance02]

LilQueenie I bet you've got a sofa in your front garden?

[MrsMacron]

gillybeanz no, but you can see where I got my inspiration :)

I agree, we normally start eating at 7, which is late to take kids out.

I think my definition of fancy is very different to most posters

We definitely wouldn't take them to a 75 per head restaurant! By family friendly I mean Pizza Express etc. By fancy I just mean not a chain restaurant, with tablecloths, so a bit nicer but not expensive.

[LilQueenie]

gromance No I do not why would you think that?

[BigFuckingManatee]

Gromance clearly had a name change recently. Approx 5 mins ago would be my guess.

[theconstantinoplegardener]

I'm with you, OP. Lunch in a family restaurant probably would be better, but if you are out for an evening meal at a fancy restaurant, I think children's chatter and giggling is much nicer than electronic beeps. Presumably, given the age of your DC, it's early evening anyway.

I don't understand all these posters saying that children talking in restaurants disturb them. Unless they are actually yelling, children's chatter is just white noise, surely? If I'm deep in conversation with friends at a restaurant, I barely notice what other guests are doing.

[Happyandshiney]

He feels at a nice restaurant to correct thing is to hand them an iPad each

That is absolutely not the right thing to do at a nice restaurant. It’s terrible table manners.

Teach them to behave nicely and if they can’t manage it quite yet, leave quietly (or don’t go)

We’ve taken our two to some very, very nice restaurants. But they have excellent table manners, eat from the standard menu and can behave themselves without toys or electronics. If they couldn’t do all that we wouldn’t take them.

Children learn table manners by observation and practice. Looking at a screen during dinner negates all of that.

[LilQueenie]

I'm not violent but certain people only stop when someone else brings them down to size.

[Stephisaur]

@Buglife there are a few here in Birmingham that don't allow young children, I thought that was quite common. Obviously not! There's an entire pub chain near me that won't allow anyone under 14 to eat there, which is mad IMO.

[Buglife]

If you mean just not a chain restaurant then I think there’s no problem taking kids there, we like to eat non chain most the time as it’s nice to support the local businesses in our town and I’ve never felt that our business isn’t welcome with a 3 year old! Children are allowed to eat at tablecloth restaurants too it’s a very British thing to not see kids about in the evening though so I wouldn’t take DS out for dinner, it’s a shame though as on a special occasion or on a sunny summer evening it would be a nice thing to do.

[LilQueenie]

there may be some people happy to allow adults to talk bad about their kids but I don't allow it.

[pasturesgreen]

How fancy are we talking here? If Michelin-star fancy, quite frankly I'd expect no kids, full stop. Restaurant manners can at first be taught in family friendly places, and your DC are indeed very young to be out in the evening at 'fancy' restaurants.

I'd also expect blasted Peppa Pig to be listened to with headphones, no matter how fancy the establishment.

[Sirzy]

If i eat out after 7 I wouldn’t expect children to be there tbh. I rarely get a child free meal so it does annoy if you then end up listening to other people’s children!

iPads are fine with headphones as part of the distraction if needed. Ds is autistic so wouldn’t be able to go out without his.

[expatmigrant]

When my 2 were small we would eat out at 'family friendly' restaurants early evening, so that we could all sit and chat about our day and have a bit of a giggle. This was for family time, not iPad time. It got them used to eating in restaurants and they learned how to behave and what was expected of them eating out in public. As they've got older we advanced to 'posher' restaurants without any problems.
Your DH behaviour is VVU.