To feel really sad at not having a proper holiday this year

[happyclapper]

At the risk of sounding like a 1st world problem I am really sad that my DP and 2 DS' s will not be having a proper holiday this year as well as last year.
It's not that I want to lie on a beach or do anything fancy . I'd be quite happy to do anything cheap and cheerful but DS 1 who is 15 has developed anxiety issues which have really got worse over the last 2 years to the point where we cannot enjoy family activities. Even going out for a coffee is very uncomfortable for him and when we went away for a few days last year it was very stressful and he was literally asking to go home every day.
I'm mostly sad that DS 2 who is 11 and very active will be sad as he has absolutely loved our holidays as DP and I both work hard and it is treasured family time. I suggested leaving DS1 at home with his grandparents which he would prefer but DP said he would not go without him. I know how he feels as it would be sad and his brother would miss him too.
We can't afford the sort of holiday that DS1 would be comfortable with, i.e a private villa with his own room so he can just join us when he feels ok.
Can't think of any solutions. Just want someone to tell me to stop dwelling on it I suppose but I feel like our family life has changed forever and these are the last few years before they will both be gone to make memories.
BTW just saw the start of the Grenfell enquiry which puts it in perspective!

Their advice is to go on holiday but to lower your expectations of what it will be like. Will he hate it maybe will he stay in his room instead of going out with you. Maybe but thats ok baby steps with him joining in but family life needs to go on not stop.
So put someone through something that's hideous for them just so you can have a more normal life? If your DS struggled to walk & endured chronic pain doing it would you still insist on a walking holiday and just expect him to battle through? Just because autism isn't so visible doesn't mean it's not bloody hard work for the person who has it.
OP, ADs don't always have bad side effects at the start. The first time I went on them it was great - you could have told me I had days to live and I'd not have given a toss! And the second time I had nothing (though they didn't seem to kick in at all). And autism doesn't always present obviously as a small child - it depends on the individual & their circumstances.

DS1 hates OR to. Will get Me to write him a letter to exclude him although he is quite fit. David Lloyd a good idea though not sure he would go for it.
We have done cottages and caravans for many years so he can have his own bedroom but it just means he stays in it the whole time. He literally retreats to it within 5 mins of arriving and barely comes out until 5 mins before leaving. Can only wrangle him out for a short time during which he is constantly asking when we can go back and looks so uncomfortable it makes the whole time very stressful.
I had the idea of a villa with its own private pool last year and he was really excited about it but unfortunately I was made redundant so it didn't happen.
I need to stop harping back to that though. It's just that I know he would relax there and enjoy time with his little brother at his own pace. Will try and find something similar in the UK but also probably too expensive and not really the same experience due to the weather.

Nikephorus seriously give over these are experts and I fully agree. The analogy you make is too extreme. If you allow someone autistic or not with anxiety to control every aspect of life by making the world they can cope in so small that they dont get out of their own room on their own house you are not helping them.
No one is saying you book a cruise when they have an anxiety of water. But you go to the seaside and maybe just one day out of seven try to get them to a beach to look at the water from a safe distance. Watch other people doing it and hopefully work on their anxieties.
I will never ever accept that my son cant live outside his own house or room no mattet how hard it becomes for either of us.

Happclapper there is every chance you would have got to that villa and something would have been a miss. There is always something that makes them anxious honestly even when you least expect it.

I think it's v clear from this post that you should seek a full diagnosis for your son's additional needs - to better facilitate less stressful environments for him. So many people with ASD kids have suggested ASD screening - if start there.

Tootired - for starters this is a public forum and so I have the same right as you and anyone else on here to post. And since I have autism and anxiety I'd say my opinion is perfectly valid and relevant. I'm not saying don't try and do anything, I'm saying that forcing someone to take too big a step in one go is harmful. Baby steps. And I'm saying it from personal experience.

Look at house swapping websites as a way to get a house/villa. Then you only need to pay for flights.

Nikephorus I dont think the comparison you made was fair to my comments as it was too extreme. Apologies if I have caused offence.

So put someone through something that's hideous for them just so you can have a more normal life?

There is another child in this family and that child has the right to normal family activities. Your point about a walking holiday is invalid. It's not walking, the teenaged child with anxiety is not physically disabled, and actually if he can tolerate a foreign holiday with a pool without anxiety, he can go to wales in a cottage with minimal anxiety, unless his anxiety is triggered by his mother not spending money.

And it is important not to make the child with anxieties world smaller.