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AIBU?

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Original poster

Stinky visitor

380 replies

HasPegOnNose · 21/05/2018 10:02

I have a (distant) relative staying for almost 2 weeks.

We are 1 week in and he is refusing to wash. He stinks and is making my house stink. There is a horrible musty sweaty smell about him and the room he is trashing at my house.

His clothes are also filthy. I ask him for his laundry and he gives me a bunch of stuff while still wearing the stained shirt he had on yesterday. It has a good stain in the middle of the front.

There is a greasy circle on the pillow where I imagine his (unwashed) head has gone. The room stinks, literally stinks Angry

Also he is rude to my friends and ungrateful.

He seems to be treating me like a hotel, putting in food orders as he never likes what we are eating. I have gone out of my way to check what he wants but he still makes snide comments and looks unenthusiastic.

The other day he said he liked egg, (I'd checked he liked egg before making the sandwiches, I hate egg but got some especially for him.) When I was making the sandwiches he wandered in and says that's not for me us it... I don't like egg in sandwiches!

I am fuming & at my wits end...Counting down the days until he leaves.

He has been before and never gave me so much as a bunch of flowers or card as a thank you gift. Thankfully it was not at the height of summer and it stayed a few days, I don't think he showered then either but the smell was not as bad.

I was a bit Hmmthen...but he is definitely never coming again!

I have name changed in case this gets picked up by the Daily Fail: but it is all true and I cannot believe the rudeness and cheek of anyone who would act this way.

I hope I am not BU here- but you know, it never hurts to check on MN!

OP posts:
BMW6 · 21/05/2018 18:45

Then you must now say to him shower NOW and every day or get out.

ThePants999 · 21/05/2018 18:46

Sounds like you didn't quite take the full point on directness :)

Brian: "Oh, I'm not taking a shower right now."

You: "Yes, you are."

GunpowderAndLead · 21/05/2018 18:50

Agree. Blunt blunt blunt and refusing a wash isn't an option

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 21/05/2018 18:55

Ok I e just give into where he watching tv:

Me: 'Brian is there any reason why you can't take a shower?'

Brian: no

Me: 'ok, in that case I need you to shower. Im sorry to be so direct but personal hygiene is very important to us; the weather has been very warm and there is an unpleasant smell in the house. It is a house rule here that everyone keeps on top of personal hygiene'

Brian: (staring stonily ahead with face like thunder) 'ok I'll do it tonight'

Me: 'thank you'

Brian: 'you're welcome'

Whether he actually DOES shower or not remains to be seen.

I have a string feeling that he thought the 8.99 meal was his 'get out of showering' card Confused and he clearly thinks I have a cheek after the 8.99 meal to ask him to attend to basic hygiene.

I wish I hadn't accepted the darn meal- it was awful & I feel I've compromised my disgust & revulsion of him by accepting it. DS (10) enjoyed it. DP is at work on lates tonight so missed out.

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 21/05/2018 18:59

You are still being too polite.

You need to say "you stink, you are making my house smell. You go and have a shower now"

Grow a pair and stop pussy footing around him.

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 21/05/2018 19:03

Lonicera- I know, I know. I'm too polite but it's not easy for me to face say as much as I have. You need a very big 'pair' to tell someone to their face that they stink. Especially after they've 'treated' you to an 8.99 meal Hmm

DP is not here and I cannot physically frogmarch this skank to the shower. I don't want to go anywhere near him. He came out tonight with a different smelly skirt with a hole in it. He's sat in the best room on the best sofa watching crap on TV. I'm relegated to the 2nd room as I can't stand the stench and flaking skin everywhere. He just handed me the phone and I had to tell the caller to hang in while I wiped it clean of grease and white scalp flakings Envy

OP posts:
Rocinante1 · 21/05/2018 19:15

Omg. Go into his room with a bin bag, going all his stuff in it and give it to him. Tell him to shower now or leave.

This is actually ridiculous - it's your house and he's making it drink. Just stand up to him. Go back in there right now - tell him that he's making your best room stink and you've had enough, his stuff is getting chucked out with him or he can go clean himself.

Oldraver · 21/05/2018 19:16

I think I would of asked him to shower before going out, but the chance is gone

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 21/05/2018 19:20

Old raver - he would have just said 'no'!

OP posts:
Rocinante1 · 21/05/2018 19:23

Then you just follow his no with "well, we are not going out to dinner while you stink like that. And you're not welcome to eat with us here until you wash either, so get in the shower".

This relative doesn't give a shit about your feelings or about keeping your home in a nice condition. So why are you still trying to be nice?

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 21/05/2018 19:25

Rocinante- I just don't have the balls, I'm too nice. It's been hard for me to say what I have, believe me!

He's an old guy with a medical condition- I can't throw him out in the street in a foreign country. If he hasn't showered by tomorrow maybe I'll feel able enough to do it. I am such a fool for letting him come, so it's partly my fault I know...

OP posts:
LighthouseSouth · 21/05/2018 19:25

Op what's the worst that can happen if you and DP go together, with towel and gel, and tell him "shower - NOW"?

Really the worst is he will storm out and take his grease with him.

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 21/05/2018 19:26

Lighthouse- DP isn't here - he is at work until 11pm.

OP posts:
Rocinante1 · 21/05/2018 19:29

But what's he going to do to you? It's not like this is your husband and you're afraid he will leave you if you tell him to wash... So who cares how he reacts.

Go back in now, tell him you want to enjoy sitting in the room but you can't because of the smell. Just say "you've said you will shower tonight, so you need to do it now or I will take you to my parents and you can sleep on their sofa".

Just do it. His lack of washing has nothing to do with his illness. He's just being rude, disgusting, antisocial and disrespectful of your home.

onalongsabbatical · 21/05/2018 19:29

I'm really feeling for you, Peg. Are you frightened of him at all? I feel I'm picking up some fear on your part that he could blow up and get aggressive towards you.

Rocinante1 · 21/05/2018 19:32

If you really can't do it, then arm yourself with cleaning products and go into every room he goes into and clean around him; dusting, spraying stuff, wiping sofas etc. Do it all so you're always blocking his view of the TV. When he asks you to stop or move, say "I can't stand the smell so until you shower, I need to clean everything". Be as annoying and obstructive as you can.

LighthouseSouth · 21/05/2018 19:34

I was suggesting DP in case Brian is likely to hurt you

So it's when DP gets home

If he won't hurt you, as we say here, you do have a pair....they might be flaps but the point is the same! Woman up.

Uniquack · 21/05/2018 19:38

He just handed me the phone and I had to tell the caller to hang in while I wiped it clean of grease and white scalp flakings

😱😱😷😷

stresslessb · 21/05/2018 19:41

Ok disregard what I said earlier ! He has told you there is no reason that he can't shower.
Also he is an old man with a medical condition BUT he got himself all the way ( from where ever) to your house in one piece.
Believe it or not old people and people with illnesses can still be twats 🙈
If your husband is not as polite as you then when he gets home get him to tell Brian on your behalf (I would)

Mirrorwriting · 21/05/2018 19:42

I would have hated to have been near your group at the restaurant if your guy stinks the way you say he does. That’s actually quite selfish unless it was a takeaway.

ichifanny · 21/05/2018 19:42

I don’t think there’s much you can do he sounds like the sort of person who won’t smell clean no matter what he will probably just put dirty clothes on . I’d just never let him stay again , it’s making my skin crawl , my teenage son and his sweaty boy stink make me go mad on the house never mind some flaky sweaty old guy .

derxa · 21/05/2018 19:44

He just handed me the phone and I had to tell the caller to hang in while I wiped it clean of grease and white scalp flakings Oh give up. This is hysterical... I repeat hysterical.

Cataline · 21/05/2018 19:49

Reading this thread has made me feel nauseous. I really feel for you!!
I truly hope he showers tonight!

mummyhaschangedhername · 21/05/2018 19:53

I really hope he does have that shower now.

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 21/05/2018 19:59

Mirror- he is not 'my' guy... I know what you mean but don't want any association with him, however tenuous on an Internet forum. Yuk. Simply yuk.

I've been vacuuming & all around him (especially the area where his reciting head rests in the sofa)... and polishing the tv & remote control...he just sat there po faced.

OP posts:
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