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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stinky visitor

380 replies

HasPegOnNose · 21/05/2018 10:02

I have a (distant) relative staying for almost 2 weeks.

We are 1 week in and he is refusing to wash. He stinks and is making my house stink. There is a horrible musty sweaty smell about him and the room he is trashing at my house.

His clothes are also filthy. I ask him for his laundry and he gives me a bunch of stuff while still wearing the stained shirt he had on yesterday. It has a good stain in the middle of the front.

There is a greasy circle on the pillow where I imagine his (unwashed) head has gone. The room stinks, literally stinks Angry

Also he is rude to my friends and ungrateful.

He seems to be treating me like a hotel, putting in food orders as he never likes what we are eating. I have gone out of my way to check what he wants but he still makes snide comments and looks unenthusiastic.

The other day he said he liked egg, (I'd checked he liked egg before making the sandwiches, I hate egg but got some especially for him.) When I was making the sandwiches he wandered in and says that's not for me us it... I don't like egg in sandwiches!

I am fuming & at my wits end...Counting down the days until he leaves.

He has been before and never gave me so much as a bunch of flowers or card as a thank you gift. Thankfully it was not at the height of summer and it stayed a few days, I don't think he showered then either but the smell was not as bad.

I was a bit Hmmthen...but he is definitely never coming again!

I have name changed in case this gets picked up by the Daily Fail: but it is all true and I cannot believe the rudeness and cheek of anyone who would act this way.

I hope I am not BU here- but you know, it never hurts to check on MN!

OP posts:
UncleHoy · 21/05/2018 21:47

Gacapa
That’s a wonderful suggestion! But, ahem,, only bathtub in the OP’s house is in her bedroom. Smile

NotTerfNorCis · 21/05/2018 21:50

Wonder what his house is like. Confused

moofolk · 21/05/2018 22:02

He's not called Leopold Alcox is he? Reminded me of corker from Jake Thackray.

Hope it cheers you up anyway!
Smile

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 21/05/2018 22:04

Notterf- I imagine it must be pretty disgusting.

I can't understand why someone in his immediate family hasn't had a word with him (they seem clean) & I imagine would find his hygiene- or lack of - as distressing as I do.

If I had a family member who smelt bad I would tell them because I cared for them & I wouldn't want them to have the humiliation of having colleagues or other non close family members to be forced to say something.

OP posts:
OohIsThatAFlake · 21/05/2018 22:08

Does UncleHoy know you irl OP?

LemonysSnicket · 21/05/2018 22:10

Get him in the garden and then douse him in a bucket of soapy water

UncleHoy · 21/05/2018 22:11

OohisThatAFlake
(Let’s just say that we are close relatives.)

moofolk · 21/05/2018 22:12

I actually feel sorry for people who smell bad and have no idea because everybody feels too awkward to mention it.

Just the idea makes me paranoid and need a shower!

I'd rather know, than everyone know me as the smelly one but nobody have a word.

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 21/05/2018 22:13

Moo folk - yes I agree!

OP posts:
randomuntrainedcuntowner · 21/05/2018 22:15

So it completely wasn't normal for her to go off anywhere on her own then?!

randomuntrainedcuntowner · 21/05/2018 22:16

Oops wrong thread

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 21/05/2018 22:18

Flake- yes I know uncleHoy.

OP posts:
Rocinante1 · 21/05/2018 22:31

OP, you do have a family member who smells bad... but you didn’t want to do anything about it because it wouldn’t be good manners.

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 21/05/2018 22:36

Rocinante- no, on the contrary: I have said / done the necessary.

OP posts:
Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 21/05/2018 22:36

Also, I don't really think of Brian as a 'family member' - he's a very distant relation.

OP posts:
Excitedforxmas · 21/05/2018 22:38

Water fight outside with the kids?

fairypuff · 21/05/2018 22:41

Poo on the handle?! FFS! That would seal his ticket outta there for me!

Bluntness100 · 21/05/2018 22:53

I suspect there is somethjng mentally not right with him as in he may be mentally ill. Most people would be horrified to be told they need to shower and would immediately get in there. He clearly has only went in there because you insisted upon it and been as fast as possible. I think something is not right mentally with him. If he has a wife and child I'm assuming he hasn't always been like this, few people wish to have sex with someone who smells terribly.

For whatever reason he doesn't want to shower, wash or wear clean clothes. It's not normal behaviour. I think you need to look past the fact he smells, and think this man possibly isn't well.

UncleHoy · 21/05/2018 22:55

This situation is all wrong somehow. It cannot really be denied that “Brian” has behaved like an @sshole (in more ways than the OP has mentioned here, actually.)

But still, he is an old man, he is not in great health.....and the OP was enough of a mug to agree to have him back (yet again!) to stay as a house guest! Confused

Better it would have been simply to tell “Brian” that he couldn’t come to stay. He could easily have been told that the OP’s son is getting older now, and has taken over the spare room for his playstaion, or whatever.

Bluntness100 · 21/05/2018 22:56

And op. Maybe they have told him, you basically have and he's ignored you as much as possible.

AnathemaPulsifer · 21/05/2018 23:15

I fear that one minute of hot water and then dirty clothes back on again will make very little difference, but I hope for your sake I'm wrong 😱

Nanny0gg · 21/05/2018 23:24

60+ isn't bloody elderly! And people of that age are well used to showering daily!

For whatever reason he won't. Whether it's mental illness , laziness, he doesn't know how to deal with his bag in the shower, or he's just a pig I don't know.

But it's nothing to do with his age

LoniceraJaponica · 21/05/2018 23:26

I agree Nanny

Homebird8 · 22/05/2018 02:05

Before everyone had regular showers, a daily stand up wash with a basin of water and a cloth was the norm. Regardless of his arrangement with the bag, or whether he is accustomed to baths or showers he could do this. Warm water in a bowl, cloth, soap. Easy peasy. He just doesn’t want to get clean. Whether there is a psychological or neurological component to this is open to conjecture. Maybe he just doesn’t care.

HoppingPavlova · 22/05/2018 04:52

You have my sympathies. I have a teenage son who seems to have a complete lack of regard for the shower and hygiene in general. Every day is a fight in this regard. The thing that really gets me is that we spend more time fighting about it than if he just got in and did itConfused. I’m wondering whether cattle prods are legal, I’m thinking that’s my next step Grin.

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