Not picked to help on school trip - again. Do I ask why?

[sayhellotothelittlefella]

This might be longer than the actual subject warrants but I want to put as much as I can in the OP so there’s no drip feeding and to explain my strong feelings.
So yet again I’ve offered to help on DS’ school trip and yet again I haven’t been chosen. Last time I wasn’t picked I did phone up and ask if my DBS was still current as I hadn’t been picked to help for several years. I suppose it was a bit obvious this was a roundabout way of asking why I wasn’t able to help - only to be told they didn’t have the reply slip with my offer of help but I would be 1st on the reserve list and next time make sure the letter was back on time and there wouldn’t be a problem. Not so. Last thing on Friday the volunteers list came out ( anything vaguely contentious always gets sent out at 3:15 on Friday) and it’s the SAME few names as it is every trip and has been for years ( even the mums themselves say they always get to go). Normally wouldn’t bother me but with my older DC we made a lot of effort to help with one trip for each of them - DH would take a day off work to watch the younger DC so I could go.
There is a bit of back story with the school but it would derail this thread to go into it - suffice it to say they have no grounds to not pick me. There were no issues when I helped previously, it’s different teaching staff anyway, I give a lot of time to the PTA and the other schools my DC attend have a VERY favourable attitude towards our family. This school is renowned for having favourites. It’s the same with the pupils - always the same few families who’s DC get to do everything. I don’t know how to pitch this really and am genuinely looking for advice and a different perspective. So AIBU to go in tomorrow and ask why I’m still not picked, why is it the same people ( others do also offer) and that after such a long time it’s getting harder to pretend it’s not personal?

I was on the parent governors board so had my dbs check already.

Wait, what? School trips are actually something people WANT to volunteer for? Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with MY kids, but a screaming bunch of other people's kids? Err no thanks. I'm definitely an 'oh shit, don't get eye contact with the teacher, she might want me to go on the trip' sort of person...and I'm happy with that 😉

Definitely with @Cherrysherbet there lol I have DD who is 10 months now though so a little bit of an excuse

Many of the parents who are the first to try and volunteer for trips are usually the parents of the children who need the experience of a trip away from those parents in order to help to build resilience and independence.

This. I know parents who volunteer because Little Molly couldn’t possibly cope on a School trip without them. But Little Molly would actually really benefit from an excursion without the helicopter.

There are a few possibilities:

1. your form has got lost again and you aren't on the reliable parents list (you did say that originally your form had got lost so presumably until the last trip you wouldn't be coming up as a name to consider in any case)

2. you are poor at managing groups or manage your own children badly at pickup, this would put me off. You might not realise how the school behaviour system works.

3. the school know more than you think they do about what you really feel about them and think you are just looking for reasons to badmouth them / complain / try to get other parents onside with you. They're not going to give you a chance to see them at work if they think there's an ulterior motive to you coming.

4. the teachers need specific people for the reasons many pps have suggested and there's not space for you.

5. you blotted your copybook when you couldn't make the reserve list.

6. you don't get on with other parents who are coming.

I have found this thread a real eye-opener! There is defo no competition go on trips at my kids primary.The school were always grubbing round for volunteers

This will make you feel better:

www.thepoke.co.uk/2018/05/22/dad-helped-kids-school-trip-hilarious-tale-thats-never-good-idea/

Should have RTFT as see was beaten to posting the link to the twitter feed!

I'm clearly on the nope list too. Very upsetting actually as DS1 hasn't ever had me along, despite being desperate for me to be a helper, and he's off to high school in September so that ship has sailed.

No doubt the ones being picked are in the school association so they know the teachers well, do alot for the school etc. All a bit unfair imo if you work full time and don't have the time for the SA. I would ask the teacher.

Could be a lot of reasons. I choose parents I think would be helpful. Some parents can't put their phones down to collect their child, I don't necessarily want these parents on my trips. Although I do choose one or two "regulars" I do choose different parents too and try to give everyone who wants to, the chance to come. We do 1 trip every term. Personally, I wouldn't mind if you came in for chat about trip.

They'll be looking for volunteers to go swimming before too long and the usual hangerzon won't fancy it. Honestly though, you dodged a bullet. Why do people want to do it!? I asked ONCE about ten years ago and they picked one of the usual suspects. In that moment I understood the whole set up and it turned me off wanting to go really.

Ah the joys of swimming.
Walk a crocodile of children to the pool crossing various roads, led by very tall teacher who goes very fast.
Possibly 'supervise' changing from outside the changing room, variously reminding people to get their goggles and put their towel at the top not the bottom of their stuff.
Hang around upstairs in a hot humid atmosphere for 50 minutes.
Collect the children together as they arrive up from getting changed, trying to keep them out of the way of the public / away from vending machines / not to go with parent who has arrived to take them straight home before a teacher has OKed it.
Route march back again but with tired children and the teacher who wants to go even faster as it is now after the end of the school day and parents will be waiting.

'Tis indeed a joyous experience. (I did about 4 years of this).

Slightly off topic but have any other teachers or parents used those electronic trackers on their trips to keep tabs on the little —sods— darlings? We did it last week for the first time and the parent helpers loved it, much more relaxed than normal

My DD's school gives everyone a chance to sign up then draws parents' names out of a hat to be fair. I've never been chosen, but I do have a sneaking suspicion that the "randomly" choose single parents and some that might not be able to afford a fun day out with their kids. Not that I mind at all. If that's how they are choosing, I am all for it. Some parents need a trip to the sea life centre/zoo/castle ruins FAR MORE than I do.

Confrontayshunme - that is so kind. Your children's school sounds lovely.

Not electronic trackers, but DDs' old primary had high viz vests for all the kids which were fantastic.

• sorry, your DD's school sounds lovely!

YABU. And childish? You are majorly over analysing this. I doubt the school have put any thought into it and just choose the "if it ain't broke don't fix it" option

 at the twitter feed! Lucky escape maybe.
So to answer a few points - nowhere I have said I want it to be a ‘lovely day out’ with DS - When I helped previously I didn’t focus only on my child I absolutely treated the group equally.

• I am not desperate to help I was just a bit fed up of being constantly overlooked. I think most people would find it upsetting if they were repeatedly rejected for something they had applied for. The reason it also bothers me I suppose is that as I stated I have helped once with each of the other DC and this means he is now very likely to be the only one I didn’t go on a school trip with. I’m sure this bothers me more than him. - He is not clingy and needing time away from me. He is very independent, walks himself to and from school pops to the local shop on his own. - Yes it was unfortunate I couldn’t step up last minute to help, I wish I had, but the conversation about being reserve was with regards to anyone dropping out in the run up to the trip, as I hadn’t heard anything I assumed I wasn’t needed. @Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar - the craic with not wanting him to feel abandoned is that we moved one DD school and haven’t sent youngest DS there and older siblings do not remember their time there fondly - as DS is now the only child there I want him to feel I am just as involved and interested in his education as all the other DC. Not that we hate his school and don’t care about him. We decided not to move him for many reasons not just lack of spaces or not. @Barbie222 - point 1,2&6 definitely not - point 4&5 possibly I think maybe point 3 might be somewhere close, that and they do have obvious favourites I can’t stress enough how blatant they are. So much so the favourites say it themselves

Also I don’t work I’m now a SAHM, Anyway I haven’t said anything. I think I’ll just say that I am not available to be a reserve this time as trip timings mean I need to make alternative pick up arrangements - considering everything that’s been said I think it best not to ask why. Thanks, that’s all I wanted to know.

Reasons why parents aren't chosen

1. Only focus on their own children
2. Don't listen to instructions
3. Chat to other helpers and neglect children
4. Not good role models (swearing and rule breakers)
5. Can't multitask/deal with many children
6. Allow children to go against teachers instructions
7. Ignore teachers instructions themselves
8. Interfere with teachers authority and try to take charge themselves
9. Biased against certain children

10. Prejudiced views not appreciated by school 11. Betray confidentiality of certain children

Well I wish I volunteered in your school then as I would be fine with all those reasons.

Do you only volunteer for trips? Or otheir, less wanted stuff? If you only volunteer for the trips it looks like you want a cheap day out with your DC.

I've worked in a school and believe me the office staff and teachers pick who they want on the trips, unfair but true, there is never names drawn from a hat!!!

Sorry that you are being excluded on something that means so much to you though. Try not to waste any more time worrying about it needlessly xx