Not picked to help on school trip - again. Do I ask why?

[sayhellotothelittlefella]

This might be longer than the actual subject warrants but I want to put as much as I can in the OP so there’s no drip feeding and to explain my strong feelings.
So yet again I’ve offered to help on DS’ school trip and yet again I haven’t been chosen. Last time I wasn’t picked I did phone up and ask if my DBS was still current as I hadn’t been picked to help for several years. I suppose it was a bit obvious this was a roundabout way of asking why I wasn’t able to help - only to be told they didn’t have the reply slip with my offer of help but I would be 1st on the reserve list and next time make sure the letter was back on time and there wouldn’t be a problem. Not so. Last thing on Friday the volunteers list came out ( anything vaguely contentious always gets sent out at 3:15 on Friday) and it’s the SAME few names as it is every trip and has been for years ( even the mums themselves say they always get to go). Normally wouldn’t bother me but with my older DC we made a lot of effort to help with one trip for each of them - DH would take a day off work to watch the younger DC so I could go.
There is a bit of back story with the school but it would derail this thread to go into it - suffice it to say they have no grounds to not pick me. There were no issues when I helped previously, it’s different teaching staff anyway, I give a lot of time to the PTA and the other schools my DC attend have a VERY favourable attitude towards our family. This school is renowned for having favourites. It’s the same with the pupils - always the same few families who’s DC get to do everything. I don’t know how to pitch this really and am genuinely looking for advice and a different perspective. So AIBU to go in tomorrow and ask why I’m still not picked, why is it the same people ( others do also offer) and that after such a long time it’s getting harder to pretend it’s not personal?

Your original post was to ask if you are over thinking this? The answer is YES.

I got asked a lot because, I think, they knew I was a 'safe pair of hands'. I always asked for my DD to not be in my group, I knew how to cross roads with the children, I 'enhanced' their learning as we went around, wasn't afraid to tell children off but also engaged with them. I was also willing to do the boring walk to swimming trips. I was also often available at short notice.

Some other parents would walk along chatting to their child, and their child's friend, ignoring everyone else. Not making sure the children kept to the side when other adults were passing on the pavement etc.

By the way, wrangling a group of excited 8 year olds around Stonehenge in the rain is not what I'd call fun!

It's not about you being picked but about your child having an opportunity to have their mum at something.
I thought that's what sports days and school plays and carol concerts etc. were for?

The policy used to be you had your own child in your group. This may have changed now and I don’t mind at all if he isn’t, in fact he is now of the age where I’m sure he would prefer not to be but still it is something to talk about and a shared experience

Surely you can come up with shared experiences for your ds that doesn't involve the school?

It's not about doing something with your dc. It's about helping the school and all the children.

You're not there to have a specia day with your dc.

In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter at all. Just take your dc for a nice day out, just the two of you without 30 other children!

People actually want to go on these trips do they? You learn something new every day

You probably are t picked because it's cliquey.

This is a statement of fact rather than a dig, schools and clubs are like this. I would just forget about it and don't bother offering in future.

If they are serious about wanting new volunteers then they have to Learn to use the new volunteers. Lots of organisations just fall back on the people that they know and don't bother using new people. It's irritating but totally normal.

Honestly, as a teacher, I'm looking for reliable, no-drama parents who I know have genuinely come for the right reasons, i.e.; not to helicopter around their own child to the detriment of everyone else's. School trips are more stressful than a regular day at school, and the last thing you want is parents that are watching your every move (when their focus should be the children) and reporting every tiny detail back to the masses.

Of course we cherry pick who we take, regardless of when the forms are handed back, because it's highly important that we take the right people. I am looking for parents who will help and not hinder me (not implying this is you).

Quite honestly I'm amazed by the fall out this creates multiple times a year- why parents want to come at all is a mystery to me.

Thank goodness there are some I suppose as I'd happily trade ;-)

Sounds like you have very strong feelings about something that many of us would prefer to avoid. When mine were that age I use to volunteer, as it was expected that you would, but I always hoped that I wasn’t needed as I’d then need to take a day off work and survive a day with a class full of DT’s classmates.

In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter at all. Just take your dc for a nice day out, just the two of you without 30 other children!

This a million times

I'd be very reluctant to take you with me on a school trip,because trips are massively stressful, and as you've already pulled two other children from the school I'd think you were coming to find fault. The last thing a teacher on a school trip needs is to feel the parent helper isn't on side. They're there to help, not be an added stress. My school tends to ask parents who haven't got a child in the class, to avoid any problems with the child clinging to their parent or the parent focusing solely on their child. So not a fun outing with your kid at all. It always amazes me that anyone volunteers, but they do and we're very grateful, as we couldn't do trips without them.

twitter.com/i/moments/998628336346783745
The reality of school trip volunteering

In 17 years of children in primary school I have never gone on a trip with them
First because I had smaller dc’s and latterly because I work full time
I was proud of my bullet dodging abilities but now I’m wondering if I’ve missed out on some awesome joyous experience
Nah not really am intrigued that people feel so strongly about something so petty

Are you insane? Think of it as a lucky escape!

Being selected often depends on your child so it may be school felt your older kids were unaffected by your presence whereas they may think your younger one could be silly or clingy even if in reality he may be fine as they have to make a judgement and often seem to choose mums of girls. I get asked on every trip for some of my children but not for all of them and I just assume it is the teachers issue not a reflection of me. Also if you have 15 years experience it may be the teachers lacks confidence and would prefer to have mums that they think will be in awe of their abilities and not be more capable and older and more experienced. I really wouldn't overthink it.

PerspicaciaTick thank you for that, I needed a good laugh!

I'm on 6 years of having primary school kids and I've managed to not volunteer for a single school trip. I have another 7 years to go, though - I'm wondering if I'll get away with it...

Stay strong frogsoup, you can do it.

When I helped with my son's school trip, the teacher made it clear that she chose the parents who helped out in school during the year because the children knew us and we knew the children. Seems sensible to me.

This is one of the reasons why my Head Teacher won't allow any parents to accompany school trips, except in extreme circumstances, in which case we are instructed to ask tried and tested old faithfuls.

PerspicaciaTick, that twitter link is brilliant!

Makes me glad that in 10 years of having 4 DCs at school I have never been on a school trip. Phew!

I walked in on trip day to ask the teachers chirpily "OK how many bottles of wine have you got in the fridge ready for tonight then?" Various numbers were muttered in response (the staff know I've been on the other side of it so know the pain full-well and that I'm not the sort of parent to get in a fuss about stuff)

That twitter link is awesome and sums up 99% of school trips I've ever been on. Worst one ever was somewhere in bloody Mansfield. Well to be honest - anywhere in Mansfield would be pretty terrible as a general rule anyway.

I'm a primary school teacher, and there are some hilarious comments on here! I admire parents who volunteer for trips. They are bloody exhausting!

I was proud of my bullet dodging abilities  but now I’m wondering if I’ve missed out on some awesome joyous experience*

You haven't! 😂

Isn’t it clear that they don’t pick you as you failed to understand the meaning of reserve and we’re not available when needed.

Need a wee
Need a wee
Need a wee
Are we nearly there yet
Is it lunchtime yet (begins at 9.05)

Repeat until the will to live is lost.

We had the opposite problem. After helping on several trips DH was told that he could no longer help on every trip as they wanted to give other parents the opportunity as it wasn't fair to have the same ones every time. We had two DCs at the school.