Not picked to help on school trip - again. Do I ask why?

[sayhellotothelittlefella]

This might be longer than the actual subject warrants but I want to put as much as I can in the OP so there’s no drip feeding and to explain my strong feelings.
So yet again I’ve offered to help on DS’ school trip and yet again I haven’t been chosen. Last time I wasn’t picked I did phone up and ask if my DBS was still current as I hadn’t been picked to help for several years. I suppose it was a bit obvious this was a roundabout way of asking why I wasn’t able to help - only to be told they didn’t have the reply slip with my offer of help but I would be 1st on the reserve list and next time make sure the letter was back on time and there wouldn’t be a problem. Not so. Last thing on Friday the volunteers list came out ( anything vaguely contentious always gets sent out at 3:15 on Friday) and it’s the SAME few names as it is every trip and has been for years ( even the mums themselves say they always get to go). Normally wouldn’t bother me but with my older DC we made a lot of effort to help with one trip for each of them - DH would take a day off work to watch the younger DC so I could go.
There is a bit of back story with the school but it would derail this thread to go into it - suffice it to say they have no grounds to not pick me. There were no issues when I helped previously, it’s different teaching staff anyway, I give a lot of time to the PTA and the other schools my DC attend have a VERY favourable attitude towards our family. This school is renowned for having favourites. It’s the same with the pupils - always the same few families who’s DC get to do everything. I don’t know how to pitch this really and am genuinely looking for advice and a different perspective. So AIBU to go in tomorrow and ask why I’m still not picked, why is it the same people ( others do also offer) and that after such a long time it’s getting harder to pretend it’s not personal?

Do you think that by not sending your next child there you may have upset someone?
Not a reason to exclude you from helping though. However, at my school we tend to take parents from other classes and never put children in their parent’s group.

Parent helpers are an unknown quantity. The extent to which they help varies enormously. School trips are a massive ball-ache, so the organising teacher will choose parents they know to be helpful, reliable and willing.

As OP said, she probably lost her chance when she was called up from the reserve list but didn't help out. Yes, it was short notice, but that's kind of the point of the reserve list.

OP, don't build this up in your head as something lovely to do with your dc - it isn't. 99% your dc would be in a different group, while you tear your hair out trying to keep an eye on 6 overexcited kids running in different directions, none of whom have any respect for your authority because they don't know who you are.

Please, please, please, do not take something so petty to the governors.

You need to ask the school why you haven't been picked again.

When my kids were in primary school, all parents who volunteered were asked at some point, they took it in turns to give everyone a chance.

when my DDs were at primary school I didn't work - so used to spend half a day with each of their year groups listening to reading or supporting when they did messy things such as arts and crafts. I also went to the swimming pool to help the kids change for the 8 weeks a year they did lessons.
I did't shout about it to other parents, so very few were aware I did it.
So every year when it came to school trips there was always a chorus of miffed mums when they weren't invited and I was.
If you dig a little deeper you may well find similar scenario at you your school.

As a teacher who organises trips, I cherry pick the staff, but that’s because it’s always residential. A week with some members of staff would drive me bonkers. I’m not exclusive, but I’ll pick people with whom I’ve had a conversation, minimum. It’s hard to find people who will give up their evenings. Have a chat with the relevant teacher next t8me.

the other schools my DC attend have a VERY favourable attitude towards our family.

This school is renowned for having favourites.

Sounds like both schools have favourites, it's just that with this school, it's just not you.

I have to say though that it's unlikely to be that they don't want you, more that the people they "always pick" are ones whom they know do just what they want on the day. It's not to say, that you are not just as good, but they don't know that yet, and want to stick with the "safe" people.

I always used to go on trips - the school actually requested it - as ds has ASD and has 1:1 support in the classroom, though not needed outside those times. Because I went, I could look after him and free up his 1:1 TA for looking after a whole group of kids. But he has not needed a 1:1 on trips for years so I have not volunteered very much since. Once I did and was not chosen; it did feel a bit personal but probably really wasn't. If there are more volunteers than spaces to go, the names are drawn out of a hat.

I'm curious as to why you let them put you in a reserve position if you weren't able to go at short notice..? I would consider you a bit flaky if you did that and that would put me off a bit. I'd want to choose someone who doesn't say they can't do it after all. Reliability is very important after all

Sometimes in our school parents aren't picked because they don't think it's right for the child. It applies to me and I understand.

Also, the parents that spend time with the class reading (not PTA parents) are the ones that tend to be asked first which I also think is fair enough.

I'm sure (in the nicest possible way) that your son isn't particularly bothered, he knows you tried, but you obviously are so I would ask the school.

Try looking at it from the schools point of view. You criticise the SLT, consider the school to be failing, remove one child, don't send another and the child who is at the school is only there because you can't get the into your preferred school. Why would they want your help?

You don't need a DBS to go on a school trip. It's not required for a one-off occasion so that's irrelevant to whether you're chosen or not.

In my experience the school either chooses people they know and trust or does names out of a hat. I was never chosen for my middle child's trips as she had two children in her class with additional needs and their mums always wanted to go along trips.

And really, helping out on a school trip isn't the most fun ever. It can be stressful and like herding kittens. And someone is always sick on the bus.

I quite often get picked for the trips I am able to help with. This is because I am a childminder so the school know as well as my DBS I have first aid training and I'm used to keeping an eye on several children at once. It's not because they like me more than any other helper.
They also probably don't get as many helpers come forward as it seems your school does so they take whoever offers.

I love it when I don't get picked - you get the brownie points for offering but dont actually have to go.

This!

Count it as a lucky escape. I remember doing one trip when DS was 4 (every child had a parent on this occasion) and he bolted down a vast expanse of beach.... the beach went on for miles. Thankfully my longer legs outmatched his greater stamina before he got all the way along. I didn’t offer to go on another trip for about 10 years.

I worked ft and never volunteered with oldest 2.
Youngest one i was off having had hand surgery when a minor trip came up. I asked the teacher specifically if i could go as it was prob the only time i could and it meant a lot to dd. That was agreed.
This year i volunteered and was picked but it was year 5 and a not popular trip!

I was asked at 8:15 on the morning of the trip when I was the reserve

being in reserve and not being able to go at short notice - means you wouldn't be asked again at our school. Need a parent (in reserve) who could go at the drop of a hat, someone that can be relied upon to meet a committent they signed up to.

Given the reason for going is all about you and your child ( not to mention the back story ) it's very easy to see why you haven't been chosen. They need helpers not people looking to spend the day with their child so that they can share the experience after.

Our primary doesn't let parents help in their child's class or attend trips they are on, it soon weeds out the genuine helpers from those wanting to spend the day with their child. Works very well.

Our schools they always have priority to the parents who helped week in week out.
They said it was a thank you (funny one if you. Ask me) for doing the donkey work that you got priority on the fun day.
After that any men got priority (rarely more than one per class) and I have no idea how they decided any other. I suspect on usefulness.

I give a lot of time to the PTA and the other schools my DC attend have a VERY favourable attitude towards our family.

Your backstory is why you have not been picked. The parents I never pick are:

-The ones who look like they would not be able to look after a group of children.
-Known complainers or people I know are dissatisfied with the school
-Parent governors

I think teachers are well within their rights to choose some parents over others when it comes to school trips. The responsibility if something goes wrong is theirs and they need to feel secure about their helpers. It’s not a fun outing for the parents.

It's so hard to imagine anyone actually wanting to go on a school trip. Imo they are interesting but unbearable. Could you not embrace it as a gift?

I would go in and ask too. It doesn't sound fair. Parent helpers are just expected to be reliable enough to be on time and keep watch on a few children it's not a terribly difficult job (it's the teachers who are doing that) so I really don't believe that it's because only those select parents can be trusted. At my DC's school they ask different people every time, rather than asking for volunteers.

All going in and complaining about not beinb picked will do is make the staff sure they made the right call!

I used to get asked a lot when my daughter was at primary, I didn't volunteer and I always said yes. It was mainly because a lot of mums didn't want to do it and to be honest it was hard work at times! It was never my daughter's class though.

Why on earth would anyone want to go on a school trip? One of my school gate mum friends always goes and I find it hilarious, I think she's absolutely nuts. I always assumed there would a shortage of volunteers tbh, but you learn something every day.

So I think yabu.

Ours is done by names out of a hat (if you've done the parent helper induction with the head previously that is) in front of the kids if there's more volunteers than there are spare spaces available for helpers. I put my forms in saying that I'm really not fussed if I don't get to go - but if they genuinely need helpers I'm happy to do it.

It'll be feeding the school gate mutinous mutterings when word gets out I've been on both kids' trips this year (there was the "always the same parents" gripes over the Y1 one... from a mother who makes a point that "there's no way I'm helping with that crap" - basically she just likes a moan sometimes so we smile and nod and ignore). Fairly sure I'm picked because I'm in one of the classes every week helping out and I'm always there if they're walking around the local area too... and the other class I'm in for their forest school sessions all year round not doing a couple of weeks of it then buggering off when the weather got a bit crappy like the other mums did

Being honest though - they're amazing days for the kids (getting to go on a bus with your mates is like peak awesome when you're primary age), but bloody hell it's hard going for the adults constantly keeping your eye on everyone you're in charge of... and I've got some mobility issues so I'll be chugging painkillers and having a pain flare up for a good couple of weeks afterwards - so I'm not in the least bit fussed about getting to go really, only if the school needed sensible helpers.