to feel undermined by colleague

[boilerhouse2007]

I am a secondary school teacher, anyway there is this young colleague who is in the next room to me and yea she is lovely to the kids, something that just is not in my personality as much and this is a tough secondary school. Anyway, yesterday i was taking a troublesome girl down to my class for detention when the girl started walking and half ignoring me. I told her to come back and colleague appears in front of the boss and uses her soft voice to get the girl back when i wanted to handle it myself. This was all in front of boss too who was in earshot and i was so angry at her interference as i have had words with this colleague before over her interference buut do not want any more conflict and i just felt she stepped in. What do you think?

and smileeachday i really thought you were nice until you made that dig at me earlier about hoping i was not a teacher, maybe you want to practice what you preach yourself and be compassionate

It’s ok for you not to like me. My priority will always be students; you have expressed some worrying attitudes towards young people and towards teaching.

I’m ok with you not thinking I’m nice.

'' no teacher can make all the kids feel special all of the time but some have just got that X-factor - 99% of teachers haven't got it ''

yep strange that people here don't seem to grasp that concept.

'' you have expressed some worrying attitudes towards young people and towards teaching.''

and you have expressed a hypocritical attitude, you claim that for communication to be effective you need to be positive and calm, non insulting to others.... then you do that openly to me[for no good reason] which means you are frankly full of crap.

''My priority will always be students; you have expressed some worrying attitudes towards young people''

ok please quote me where you can support this.

Ok duckie.

i am defensive as i work in a school that does not make students accountable for behaviour and asks staff to change their ways and that angers me,

In any organisation, it is perfectly legitimate for management to ask staff to change how they deal with problems. I can understand being angry about they way they ask, but not about the fact that they ask for change.

Ugh I hate the teachers who peddle the students always have priority line with an ever so smug manner. Really it is unnecessary. Puts you right up there with the ones who always claim to have no problem with pupils who are nightmares everywhere. I saw that once... lovely lady in tears about the way she'd been spoken to and this annoying madam going on and on about how she couldn't believe it of wee Joe as he was always an absolute Angel in her class.
You can tell by reading that the op is in a bad way... you don't need to goad him and make nasty comments.
The pupils are a priority makes you seem holier than thou when actually you are kicking another human being when they are down.

I'm away too @smileeachday. Some people are just too resistant to help. Rejecting with disdain really helpful, insightful posts made in the spirit of genuinely helping is what I'd call shooting yourself in the foot. It's bye from me too OP. Good luck I guess.

''I can understand being angry about they way they ask, but not about the fact that they ask for change.''

eh it is when the mgmt do bugger all about behaviour-that is what annoys me.

''The pupils are a priority makes you seem holier than thou when actually you are kicking another human being when they are down.''

yep thank you, yes it is quite common for posters on threads to take the moral high ground. The posters themselves don't actually believe what they are saying i do not think.

I meant to mention before OP, you might be better putting any future threads in the Staffroom section of the Education topic. Less brutal than AIBU and probably more teaching staff frequent it.

''Im laughing at allthe people saying its no problem . If you were correcting your child and your mil stepped in to take over and leave you standing like a fool you would not like it.''

As a teacher myself, I too sit here with laughs of mirth that so many people here see no problem here when yes there clearly is. It is clear by some of the responses I have seen so far in this thread that people clearly have no idea about how working in a secondary school and how kids will feed of any weakness exposed in a teacher. The op is spot on here. Surely with there being so many mothers here they would immediately understand what the op is saying and emphasise.

''Your students don't respect you. Having to threaten to call their parents is not handling it, it's reinforcing that they take no notice of you but would not be so disrespectful to their parents.

The problem here is not the other teacher. What steps can you take to change your relationship with the children? Emphasis on you, this is no one else's problem.''

Sorry but what is the problem with the op ringing the student's parents? How does this in any way show that the op is disrespected? I fail to see your logic here?

Sigh thank you boy I am quite puzzled myself here.

''When you say OP that you'd have said to the pupil "go on then, walk way, i'll be calling your parents" - wow. That's pretty confrontational - no wonder others are doing better than you! That would immediately put the pupil's back up and no wonder she got a better result!''

Ah I am sorry but this is aload of cobblers. So if a student is refusing an instruction and the staff member must threaten to ring home this is 'confrontational'? We are told to do this at our school and with the worst pupils it has effect. Confrontational is more screaming in a student's face, if a student is not responding then a call to a parent is often necessary. Op, you are wasting your time posting on this site as it seems filled with bad advice. Best of luck and keep the chin up xx

Cheers are you in a very tough school?

I do yes and I know the type you describe all too well. the type that will be the little Mrs. Mary sunshine that can do no wrong. There was one like that in my first school for three years and she could be hard work, sitting in the staffroom broadcasting how Sue, Sally or Joe who terrorised the rest of the staff never gave her a minute's bother.... Yep the student's friend and made other staff feel like it was all their fault. You have my sympathies x

For a teacher your grammar is appalling, seriously. Indeed, my first thought was that a student had written the OP.

Assuming you are a teacher, it seems as though your colleague’s way with the kids is more effective than yours. Therefore I’d watch and learn.

I'm applying to take a PGCE in September and my DH doesn't want me to do it as he says my manner is "too soft and gentle for teaching"! 😮

You sound a miserable, bitter mare tbh OP. Pissed off that your colleague does a better job at keeping the kids in line. She’ll be the one the kids remember in adulthood and you won’t. Maybe if you tried her approach by treating them like human beings rather than animals you might get better results.

I think it was undermining, and the teengager used the situation to get a rise out of you/preferred to listen to someone who didn't have a stake in the situation (I won't listen to Mrs X but I will listen to Mrs Y. Take that Mrs X!). The other teacher should have left alone.

boilerhouse2007

As someone said: are you sure you are not the student?
If you are a teacher, your writing skills are terrible. Sorry, but I had to say it.
Also your attitude to those children stinks. No wonder they do not show you any respect. Me thinks you should change profession.

Just because you’re now the teacher doesn’t mean you don’t stop learning.

Sounds like you’re letting your stubbornness get in the way of improving your skills as one. I managed staff of all ages years ago and the ones in their 40s were the toughest as they couldn’t manage change and acted like belligerent children themselves. Yes, you may feel undermined but you should find the maturity to learn to deal with it effectively.

You’re a teacher? Your grammar is atrocious

I remember once walking past a teacher sternly telling off another teacher for interfering and undermining his authority. I imagine it can make the job more difficult in the long run, even though it does sound like she was probably trying to help you and stop the pupil getting themselves into even more trouble.