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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP being gifted £300k as FTB

219 replies

Raraoh · 16/05/2018 16:58

In a fairly new relationship (1 year) and DP early 30s is house hunting and wants my input. Just found out his budget - he is a FTB, London-based with a 300k deposit. Genuinely gobsmacked.

OP posts:
caperberries · 16/05/2018 17:45

What part of London is he interested in, OP?

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 16/05/2018 17:48

It was probably kept in Trust till he was 30.
I don’t live in the UK any more, but lived in London for a long time.

I hear that house prices are going down.
I would definitely wait before buying and see in which direction house prices move.

If you pick an area wisely, you may be able to pick up a small family home rather than a flat.

Original poster
Raraoh · 16/05/2018 17:48

Any part of London with good transport links.

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 16/05/2018 17:48

It's not an "Only on MN" thing. London house prices are crazy. 300k won't get that far in terms of outright buying but could definitely add some heft to a decent mortgage.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 16/05/2018 17:50

I get it. You thought he was on the same level / in the same position as you in life and now you are not so sure. You thought you would be looking at tiny shoebox flats somewhere edgy with a £30K deposit he'd scraped together and instead it is 10x that much.

Also no matter how blasé people sound on here £300K is a lot of money to most people. Most people will never have access to that much money in one go. People assess things within their usual frame of reference so if you are earning £27k a year having £300K in the bank is probably unimaginable.
I am a high earner and have never disclosed my salary to my siblings. They guess I earn about double their income where as I actually earn nearer to 5x. I think they would struggle to get their head around my real income because it is far outside their reference point for a high salary.

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 16/05/2018 17:50

You are better off picking a place with a good train link into central London, eg Bromley South

VladmirsPoutine · 16/05/2018 17:50

Any part of London with good transport links.

I think you should respectfully tell him that you're not in a position to advise or assist him. This sort of response is a bit like saying "something edible" when someone asks you what you fancy for dinner.

Guardsman18 · 16/05/2018 17:50

I know Fairenuff - if he didn't mention it, he'd be a bastard for hiding it and, well maybe he'd like to enjoy it with op. I don't find that odd at all

speakingwoman · 16/05/2018 17:50

yabu - he wasn't "gifted" he was given.....

Battleax · 16/05/2018 17:50

This is so confusing.

He’s London based already? Living and working? So he must have links to specific area(s)?

And if he’s known about the trust fund, he must have thought about this before now?

TerfinUSA · 16/05/2018 17:51

£500k really isn't much, when my Grandma died her 3-bed terrace in unremarkable z4 (not Richmond or something) need of total renovation sold for £470k, it had horrendous road noise.

I'm sure you could find a stunning property for £500k in Northampton or something, but in London it's 2-beds in stabville if you're lucky

In Bellend, which is a part of Peckham hipster twats move too, you'd pay £500k for a 'deceptively spacious' (estate agent code: 'fuck me this thing is tiny') 2-bed flat. www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-71655317.html

he's fucked.

CruCru · 16/05/2018 17:54

Okay so he has a total budget of £500k and wants to live in a part of London with good transport links. Does he come from London originally? If he does, chances are that he will have some attachment to a particular area.

If he is buying in London but doesn't live here at present then I can see how he may not know where to look. Does he have a preference for house or flat, number of bedrooms, zone 1/2/3/4 etc?

CruCru · 16/05/2018 17:55

And is he commuting to a particular place (the City, Canary Wharf etc)?

Battleax · 16/05/2018 17:55

If this is all as you say, and you haven’t heavily changed the details for privacy or something, tell him to choose his own house.

Very odd for you to be handed a completely open brief to essentially choose him a house, that you won’t have any stake in, in any part of the whole of London, despite him already being London based.

It just doesn’t make sense. Plus it’s basically getting you to do free work for his asset.

Battleax · 16/05/2018 17:57

Cru the OP reads;

- he is a FTB, London-based with a 300k deposit.

CruCru · 16/05/2018 17:58

The OP has said in a subsequent post that he has a total budget of £500k. I did miss the bit about him being based in London.

Original poster
Raraoh · 16/05/2018 17:59

Thanks to all of those who are being really kind!

He works in the City and lives in NE London on picadilly line

OP posts:
Original poster
Raraoh · 16/05/2018 17:59

But doesn’t want to rule anywhere out just yet

OP posts:
BlessYawnBless · 16/05/2018 18:02

I'm rather confused.

OP, there's no AIBU here. Self report and ask for it to be moved to Property.

FizzyGreenWater · 16/05/2018 18:10

OP I do get it too.

It sounds like a shocking amount of money and yes a bit of a weird position for you to be in - 'I'm your fairly newish partner so if I get all excited, as I would for a friend, then I look like some kind of gold digger - if I say nothing I look weird...oh and you've got it because your parents died terribly young so there's another layer of 'how do I respond appropriately to this'.'

So I get why you've come on here.

If you want to be of help to him, post on here or in Property with a straightforward Q on what the best bet is for London with X amount. But really he needs to whittle down. Does he want size over location? House or flat? How far a commute would he be willing to take to get a place which ticks the boxes? What are the boxes - number beds? Outside space? What are his life plans and does he see himself staying put for a while?

PompholyxOfUnknownOrigin · 16/05/2018 18:12

YABU for using an acronym like FTB on Mumsnet. I genuinely thought this was going to be about a Fucking Twat Bastard with £300,000.

Apart from that YANBU. Your reaction is normal.

lazymum99 · 16/05/2018 18:14

Forget about the £300,000 deposit it doesn't matter. He is looking in london with a budget of £500,000. Where he lives now, NE london on piccadilly line, he will be lucky to find a one bedroom flat.
I suggest you leave it to him and just enjoy the relationship and accompany him to visit some flats.

Xenia · 16/05/2018 18:27

Eeek, not that much for some of us - my mortgage was £1.3m at one point and I earned 10x my husband but that's London for you..... city of contrasts. So he will own. Will you l ive with him or are you not at that stage yet? If things are going well and you're both madly in love and migh marry n ext year and then have a baby the next things like whether you would carry on full time work would be relevant and where he might want to bring up a baby. If he's clear he never wants children then he needs to decide if he wants a flat or house. I live in a sense near his line but elsewhere on it and you can get houses on his line and you can get flats so he needs to decide if he likes freeholds or leaseholds and if he wants a spare bed room.

My son bought a small house in Chesham for £330k last year which is on the Met line into the City (not that he works in the City) and that's a long way out.

So he might be out at Cockfosters or further in at Arsenal I suppose.

Xenia · 16/05/2018 18:28

I am guessing his income is about £50k and he is borrowing 4x that.

He is very sensible to put the money in a home rather than waste it.

londonrach · 16/05/2018 18:31

That would buy my house and a holiday and a second hand car and a cuddly toy. Lucky dp. I was lucky to be left something (id rather my grandparents were here any day but i hope they like what weve done with the few £1000 they left us) that allowed us to escape the rent trap if we left london. Hes a lucky man.

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