Quiet carriage on train

[Polarbearflavour]

I had a long train journey yesterday. I sat in the single seat right of the back of the quiet carriage which was also almost empty. Man sits in front of me.

I had forgotten to put my phone on silent and my phone rang. It was my GP surgery with test results. I was on the phone for around 15 seconds and trust me, I speak quietly!

Whilst I was still on the phone, the man turns round and stands up and tells me to get off the phone I’m in the quiet carriage.

I finish my call, put my phone on silent. He told me that the law was there for a reason and I could choose from 8 other carriages if I wanted to talk.

“Well actually it’s something the rail company has place, it’s not actually a legal requirement to be silent in here.”

I don’t talk on my phone in a normal carriage as I don’t like conducting conversations in public. I’m not intending on taking any more calls.

He’s still talking but I’m done with him. I put my headphones in and my music on. It’s not leaking outside my headphones and he cannot hear my music.

He then sits back down and starts banging away on his laptop. A boy gets on two stops later and spends the next 20 minutes loudly swearing on his phone. The man says nothing - I’m guessing he is too scared to confront this boy!

Two men in suits get on and discuss work matters for 10 minutes. They aren’t quiet. Man says nothing at all. There are two off duty staff sitting in the driver’s cab. There are talking and laughing. So this isn’t really a quiet carriage any more. Not that I really care.

I start eating my bagel and the man shushes at me. Bear in mind that I haven’t uttered a word, I’m reading my kindle and my music is playing through my headphones. It’s fine for other people to chat and swear but I can’t even eat without being shushed.

Anyway, the train manager comes round finally to check tickets. The man complains about me saying I was disruptive and he had very important work to do. The TM rolls his eyes and winks at me.

I then explain what has taken place and that I feel the man has been aggressive to me, a young (ish) woman travelling alone. TM is very nice and says would I like to move to first class where he can keep an eye on me.

I then spend the rest of the journey having free snacks and tea. I’ve emailed the train company to praise the TM for his help.

But why are people so aggressive in public and engage with strangers in that manner?

He sounds like an arsehole.

Simply because they think because you are a young woman they can get away with it.

He's an idiot.
Admittedly he might have a small point about not using your mobile in a quiet carriage but if you weren't loud and it didn't take long then I can't see the problem.
Tm sounds lovely.

Because you're a woman travelling alone, and they think they can get away with. They're too afraid to say anything to a man in case they get lumped!

He was being an arse re: the bagel, and not saying anything to the other noisy people, but you really should have gone outside the carriage to take your phone call!

You were rude not to leave the carriage when you took your phone call, and unless it's a wrong number, no way would it really last 15 seconds.He had a point there.
If your the music in your headphones really covered his rant, it's likely it was loud ! but he could have moved.

So you were in the wrong, but it's unfair he didn't say anything to the others because you are the only one he didn't find threatening.

So yes, you were both wrongs, and the other passengers in the quiet carriage were rude too!

You were wrong & he probably didn't bother with the others afterwards because if you didn't give a toss then no-one else would either. I think you were all unreasonable in that carriage. And no-one wants to hear the music leaking from your headphones either.

And if you'd apologised straight away he'd probably have quietened down.

But in the whole scheme of things why did it bother him so much? And why was it okay for him to bash away on his laptop? The TM agreed with me anyway!

It was a four hour journey. And it was a 15 sec phone call - “can you pop into the surgery to pick a prescription up.” To which I said “okay thanks.”

I tested it and no, you could not hear my music outside of my headphones.

The general chugging along of the train and rattling noises were much more disruptive!

Oh come off it, the OP was not in the wrong. She shut down the phone conversation quickly, and kept her voice down. Plenty of people get caught out, and don't want to leave their belongings behind them in the carriage. It's such a non-issue.

The fact he only spoke to her, not the others making more noise shows who he really is.

I’m glad I didn’t apologise to a man who shushed me for eating then told the train manager - what did he think the TM would do, throw me off the train?

The youth on his phone was still in the carriage. Surely somebody swearing and talking loudly was way more disruptive but I guess the man didn’t want to tell the TM that in case the youth kicked off at him!

Also, the man’s loud talking and telling me off lasted much longer than my quiet, brief phone call!

That man is a dick.

OP you did nothing wrong IMO - a short, quick, quiet phone conversation is, while slightly bending the rules, definitely NOT worth confronting someone about. He was unreasonable there. And shushing you for EATING?! What an idiot. Sounds like you came off better anyway with the upgrade.

He clearly saw you as an easy target to take his bad mood out on, the fact he didn't say anything to other people who were being far 'worse' than you - the boy on the phone.

The businessmen were ok in my opinion. The rule is to keep electronic devices on silent and conversations low-volume, which boils down to not being disruptive - which in my opinion you definitely weren't. I've taken quick phone calls before on the quiet coach, I know how to keep my voice down and a conversation short 'hi, on the train... [person says something]...yes that's fine, chat later/no that won't work, we can chat later'. No different to asking someone if they can move their bag so you can sit down in my opinion.

Classic bully, picking on who he sees as 'vulnerable'. Although you broke a rule, his behaviour showed him up to be the coward he is.

So what was his response when you were moved to 1st class?

He was a bully, as evidenced by repeatedly having a go at you and not anyone else.

I see this loads on public transport - men having a go at a woman on her own who has made some minor infraction, whilst more scary targets doing much worse escape their rath.

I always get involved to support the woman and tell the bully are a coward for being aggressive to this person whilst the guy over there is doing worse and tell to back off.

I also get involved with drunk men “just being nice” (making women uncomfortable by invading their space and talking to them when it’s obviosuky not wanted) and position myself in between them and chat to the woman. It’s what I’d want someone to do for me (and people have done) not just stand there with their eyes down leaving me isolated

Talk about karma!

Boom.

You just stumbled across a twat....as simple as that. Don't overthink it.

He didn’t say anything when the TM moved me, too scared of the “authority figure” to argue I imagine!

I do look young for my age, I was nicely dressed in a smart work dress. I wonder if he would have said anything if I was a middle aged woman in a suit?

He is a bully, but you were still in the wrong! You don't take phone calls in the quiet carriage! It's not a complicated rule

The quiet carriage on a train is no more quiet than the rest of the train in my experience. People generally just dont care. I do however and get irrationally twitchy when people are needlessly noisy.

This man however was being entirely unreasonable OP. I hope you enjoyed your stint in 1st class!

I had this in M&S Food once. A random guy came up to me and said that I was getting in the way with my buggy! He ignored the group of guys big burly workmen chatting in front of the sandwiches that I was patiently waiting to pass and just waded in. Further around the shop he told me that I had nearly "run that lady over". The lady defended me and told him I was nowhere near her and that he wasn't to speak for her.

I was intimidated enough to leave the shop though (4 week old baby and a man shouting don't mix).

If this is true then none of you come out well.

You could have let the call go to voicemail. It doesn't matter if the call is 'important' from your GP or simply your grandmother wanting to have a chat. You might think you speak quietly but that is subjective. It is good etiquette to take calls outside of the Quiet Carriage. Surely you could have stepped outside for '15 seconds'?

If you can't remember to switch your phone to silent, don't choose that carriage in future. Being thoughtful and mindful of others can have a dramatic effect on how people behave towards you in public. I find it hard to believe that the man complained about you to the train manager for being disruptive over a '15 second' phone call tbh.

@Tartanscarf You shouldn’t have taken the call and you should have apologised. The rest of them were arses too. None of you come out of it well tbh.

This, exactly.

Also:
It was my GP surgery with test results
Then
“can you pop into the surgery to pick a prescription up.” To which I said “okay thanks.”

Which one was it? The latter would take longer than 15 seconds just to say hellos, pass on a message, thank you and goodbyes; and the former considerably so if they are reading out info to you.