Quiet carriage on train

[Polarbearflavour]

I had a long train journey yesterday. I sat in the single seat right of the back of the quiet carriage which was also almost empty. Man sits in front of me.

I had forgotten to put my phone on silent and my phone rang. It was my GP surgery with test results. I was on the phone for around 15 seconds and trust me, I speak quietly!

Whilst I was still on the phone, the man turns round and stands up and tells me to get off the phone I’m in the quiet carriage.

I finish my call, put my phone on silent. He told me that the law was there for a reason and I could choose from 8 other carriages if I wanted to talk.

“Well actually it’s something the rail company has place, it’s not actually a legal requirement to be silent in here.”

I don’t talk on my phone in a normal carriage as I don’t like conducting conversations in public. I’m not intending on taking any more calls.

He’s still talking but I’m done with him. I put my headphones in and my music on. It’s not leaking outside my headphones and he cannot hear my music.

He then sits back down and starts banging away on his laptop. A boy gets on two stops later and spends the next 20 minutes loudly swearing on his phone. The man says nothing - I’m guessing he is too scared to confront this boy!

Two men in suits get on and discuss work matters for 10 minutes. They aren’t quiet. Man says nothing at all. There are two off duty staff sitting in the driver’s cab. There are talking and laughing. So this isn’t really a quiet carriage any more. Not that I really care.

I start eating my bagel and the man shushes at me. Bear in mind that I haven’t uttered a word, I’m reading my kindle and my music is playing through my headphones. It’s fine for other people to chat and swear but I can’t even eat without being shushed.

Anyway, the train manager comes round finally to check tickets. The man complains about me saying I was disruptive and he had very important work to do. The TM rolls his eyes and winks at me.

I then explain what has taken place and that I feel the man has been aggressive to me, a young (ish) woman travelling alone. TM is very nice and says would I like to move to first class where he can keep an eye on me.

I then spend the rest of the journey having free snacks and tea. I’ve emailed the train company to praise the TM for his help.

But why are people so aggressive in public and engage with strangers in that manner?

OP, I absolutely hate it when people use their phones in the quiet carriage but I think this man was in the wrong here.

If you had been having a proper, ongoing conversation he would have been within his rights to challenge you, but he was being ridiculous and obviously thought you were an easy target.

Glad you spoke up and glad the TM upgraded you.

But the quiet carriage isn’t a law. It’s something the train companies have made up. The TM didn’t care that I took a quick, quiet phone call. Not one bit. He said he sometimes asks drunk people to be quiet if other passengers complain etc but he has no power to actually make people be silent or remove them from the train. If he encounters law breaking individuals then he calls British Transport Police.

He was more worried about drunken people fighting and causing an actual disturbance!

In an normal carriage I wouldn’t normally speak on the phone anyway. I didn’t think I needed to prostrate myself on the floor to beg for forgiveness for a phone call from the horrible little man.

I think PP's are way OTT, OP was not in the wrong, its so easy in a split second to forget the rules and just answer the call and then what? You then either excuse yourself and end the call or you know its a brief call anyway and just quickly, quietly take it. Both take just as long and cause just as much disruption than getting up and leaving the carriage.

This man sounds like he really got his rocks off intimidating you OP, you probably helped him get a really lovely sense of power and a good dose of adrenaline coursing through his veins - so well done OP, you kept your cool and probably made this bullies day.

The world would be a much better place if people were just bloody nice to each other and a bit more forgiving. I also think in instances like the young guy swearing loudly etc. that the train manager should be notified and left to deal with it as they see fit. I don't think people should go round aggressively, and selectively enforcing rules on behalf of an entire organisation - someone else is paid to and trained to do that.

Yes you should have had your phone on silent/vibrate, but you forgot. No big deal although I'd be annoyed by a ringing phone in a quiet carriage. However, if the ensuing conversation was quick and muted I'd not get my knickers in a twist.

And it's a "quiet" carriage. Not a "silent" carriage. The man approached it all wrong - if he'd waited for you to finish your call and politely reminded you that it was a quiet carriage and could you put your phone on silent I am sure you would have apologised for your oversight and all would have been well.

But he was beyond rude, and aggressive. Men like him choose what they see as easy targets (lone women usually) and deserve whatever aggression/passive aggression/rudeness they get in return.

OP, your attitude is not doing you any favours. It's all very "me me me" and everyone else can go fuck themselves because "it isn't a law".

We all have to rub along in society, train companies put quiet carriages on for those travellers who want to travel quietly - demand and supply. It's not like there aren't any other other carriages for those who do want noise and music and ringing phones.

Just have some basic civil manners and consideration for others around you.

I usually seek out the quiet carriage and will challenge someone if they are on their phone for a long time or have loud music. Usually people are far too British and polite and put up with it but I won't. As others have pointed out, there are other carriages where you can be noisy.

But moaning about a quick "ok thanks"? Really? Sometimes people will make a quick call to say the train is late as well. No problem with that. It's the people who think the world will stop turning if they don't make their Very Important Work Call that annoy me.

Also, people who get on the train together, see the big sign that says quiet zone and proceed to spend the whole journey talking. That's far more annoying than a quick 15 second call.

But the quiet carriage isn’t a law. It’s something the train companies have made up
So basically you don't give a toss?

Totally agree @Tartanscarf and @ShotsFired. You were unreasonable OP and so was he. Accept you were in the wrong and don't take calls in the quiet carriage. It's not difficult.

Nikephorus, you sound worse than this bully, tbh. Leave the OP alone.

Are you male?

I think youre wrong about your music not being audible, unless you have expensive noise cancelling headphones.

The waybhe did it was wrong and he should have had the balls to confront the men as well, but you are wrong to sit in the quiet coach and have a phone conversation imo. Id have gone out to the bit between carriages, especially as you were at the back anyway.

A quiet carriage doesn't mean you can't take a 15 second call from your doctor FFS.

Have any of you even been on a train?! It's about being considerate, not Nazi like regimented rules.

Flomper

Why don't you believe the OP when she says the music didn't leak?

It's really easy to know whether sound is leaking or not. Are you accusing OP of lying?

I don't think there should be a quiet carriage anyway. I think the whole train should be quiet with a noisy zone.

Anyone know why Virgin Trains won't book you into the quiet carriage even when there are spaces and you asked for it? Has happened to me twice! Got on trains to/from Liverpool, both times asked for quiet carriage, both times got the carriage next to it, and both times there was plenty of room in the quiet carriage. I don't get it.

As soon as I read the first part of your OP I thought to myself I bet he wouldn't have challenged a man like that and what a surprise I was right. There is a certain type of man who has to exert their power over people they see as weaker or lesser (usually young women, mothers with small kids etc) but wouldn't dare to repeat that behaviour with other men. The same kind of man who makes derogatory comments at women joggers or orders women in the street to smile but wouldn't say boo to a man. He was a coward and a bully, good on you for holding your own and shame on those blaming your 15 second phone call for typical sexist bullying.

Shots fired - there’s no need to swear is there?

The TM seemed firmly on my side anyway and I enjoyed my free upgrade. He wouldn’t have done that if he thought I was in the wrong.

If the man had said politely something like “we are in the quiet carriage” I probably would have said “oh okay sorry.”

Do people think that passengers should be shot or something for using a phone? Is it acceptable to use a phone in a delay or emergency?

YANBU. Although stepping outside the carriage would be the sensible thing to do, but not so easy if it means leaving your stuff behind.

I'd have thought his 'telling you off' was more disruptive!

Good to hear the TM was sensible.

Neither of you are really in the right here. His behaviour was aggressive and inconsistent, but at the same time you shouldn't have taken your call in the quiet coach. You should have left the coach and taken your call in the space between the carriages.

I travel in the quiet coach a lot and this behaviour from people becomes really quite exasperating. Yes, it was a 15-second call, but if everyone on the carriage takes 15-second calls then it destroys the point of having the quiet coach.

Why do people have to be so aggressive about small things like quiet carriages and a very short phone call though? What’s the point?

But the quiet carriage isn’t a law. It’s something the train companies have made up.

yes, that's ok, you make your own rules and who cares about other people. OP you are just as bad as the other rude people in your carriage. No respect for anyone else.

I think if someone is carrying on a phone call in the quiet carriage for more than about 2 minutes and doesn’t move to the corridor then they are being unreasonable and it’s fine to confront them. But a situation like this? No, get a grip.

I remember making a very discreet 10 second phone call from the quiet carriage when London was about to come to a standstill due to the heavy snow to say that I would be home early afternoon. Approximately two seconds into that phone call an angry old lady started flapping at me aggressively.

I did actually tell her to get a grip.

It reminds me of able-people parked in disabled spaces: " it doesn't count because I am just waiting for someone, I am only there for 2 minute, I am still in the car so that's fine".

People who think that rules don't apply to them are a pain. People on the phone in a quiet carriage are very annoying, and yes, it does count when you call for "only" 30 seconds (translate 2 minutes..)

ikeepaforkinmypurse - interesting that you can tell that I have no respect for others from a few posts on Mumsnet. You too sound delightful but I imagine you wouldn’t confront me in a train carriage.

I don’t even like people very much anyway but I’m generally a quiet and polite person. Reading some of the replies here make me like people even less!

“It reminds me of able-people parked in disabled spaces”

WOW @ this.

You are definitely someone who needs to get a grip.

Having to listen to someone making a very quick phone call in the quiet carriage which is over in less than a minute is in no way comparable to being a disabled person who can’t get out and about because entitled twats keep parking in the disabled spaces.