Quiet carriage on train

[Polarbearflavour]

I had a long train journey yesterday. I sat in the single seat right of the back of the quiet carriage which was also almost empty. Man sits in front of me.

I had forgotten to put my phone on silent and my phone rang. It was my GP surgery with test results. I was on the phone for around 15 seconds and trust me, I speak quietly!

Whilst I was still on the phone, the man turns round and stands up and tells me to get off the phone I’m in the quiet carriage.

I finish my call, put my phone on silent. He told me that the law was there for a reason and I could choose from 8 other carriages if I wanted to talk.

“Well actually it’s something the rail company has place, it’s not actually a legal requirement to be silent in here.”

I don’t talk on my phone in a normal carriage as I don’t like conducting conversations in public. I’m not intending on taking any more calls.

He’s still talking but I’m done with him. I put my headphones in and my music on. It’s not leaking outside my headphones and he cannot hear my music.

He then sits back down and starts banging away on his laptop. A boy gets on two stops later and spends the next 20 minutes loudly swearing on his phone. The man says nothing - I’m guessing he is too scared to confront this boy!

Two men in suits get on and discuss work matters for 10 minutes. They aren’t quiet. Man says nothing at all. There are two off duty staff sitting in the driver’s cab. There are talking and laughing. So this isn’t really a quiet carriage any more. Not that I really care.

I start eating my bagel and the man shushes at me. Bear in mind that I haven’t uttered a word, I’m reading my kindle and my music is playing through my headphones. It’s fine for other people to chat and swear but I can’t even eat without being shushed.

Anyway, the train manager comes round finally to check tickets. The man complains about me saying I was disruptive and he had very important work to do. The TM rolls his eyes and winks at me.

I then explain what has taken place and that I feel the man has been aggressive to me, a young (ish) woman travelling alone. TM is very nice and says would I like to move to first class where he can keep an eye on me.

I then spend the rest of the journey having free snacks and tea. I’ve emailed the train company to praise the TM for his help.

But why are people so aggressive in public and engage with strangers in that manner?

If you did not at least attempt to apologise for taking the call, YABU.

He was a sexist bully, and was definitely BU.

Posting in AIBU and then refusing to even countenance that some people might have seen your conduct as also unreasonable? That makes you very, very unreasonable.

You were wrong to answer a phone call in the quiet carriage. It is supposed to be pretty much silent and people (like you) pay for that luxury. You should’ve left the carriage to answer the call.

However the fact he only chose to complain about you is wrong and possibly sexist and he had no right to bitch and moan about everything you did from there on out. I’m glad the train company treat you so well.

Oh well, everybody has an opinion. In the whole scheme of things it doesn’t matter. I don’t think I was BU.

Then why did you post here exactly?

I don’t think I was BU. yeah, we got that, but I think you were.

Because I felt really annoyed earlier but I feel better after discussing it with DP and friends.

Some people think I was BU others do not. So I guess there is no absolute answer to this one.

Having a wry chuckle here at the poster who primly informed the OP that the BTP could arrest her for using her phone in the quiet carriage - yeah, good luck with that! The BTP, (just like the regular police), don't even have enough time to deal with all the proper crime that gets reported to them; they have to prioritise and believe me, someone using a phone in the quiet carriage is going to be at the bottom of their list by a long, long way. DH, (station manager), has had incidents where he's had violent drunks kicking off in his station, threatening staff and other passengers and damaging property - the BTP rarely arrive before the perpetrator is long gone, they simply don't have enough officers.
BTW OP, I agree with you, he was a nasty misogynistic bully and I'm glad you had a sympathetic TM.

What a result, well done that train manager. The bloke was an arse, and I hope he was really pissed off that you got moved to first class.

I think I might have to take an important phone call in a quiet carriage, hope someone bullies me and I get a free upgrade.

BuggeringNora Exactly.

I’m sure we would all rather the British Transport Police prioritised dealing with people who assault and threaten other passengers or are drunk and disorderly. As I’m sure they do.

Tbh the quiet carriages on trains are generally just considered another carriage, especially after the first stop. Most people will just take the nearest empty seat when they get on, quiet carriage or not, rather than rooting through the train. Especially on a long distance journey that has the potential to be packed, if there’s empty seats on the carriage you enter you’ll just sit down rather than end up standing for 4 hours? So I don’t think the majority of passengers pay attention to the ‘quiet’ carriage’

Also quiet doesn’t equal complete silence. I personally wouldn’t have mind you having a brief phone call. There are worse noises on public transport ie someone’s shite music, drunk men chanting/cheering, a child having a screechy tantrum etc

I think it’s telling how he repeatedly told you off, but no one else. How exactly can one eat a bagel loudly anyway?

This wouldn’t have kicked off if you had quickly apologised rather than getting all mouthy about it not being the law. Obviously he was but so were you too

If he had politely pointed it out I’m sure I would have said sorry and left it at that. He was rude and aggressive to me so I wasn’t going to prostrate myself before him.

Quiet doesn't mean silent though.

I always try to get the quiet coach - its not people talking that the problem, its the constant loud ring tones that are irritating, particulalry if you are on a long journey.

But people can be quite nasty on trains. I was with my son once on as train home from London. We had reserved seats in the quiet coach, we were still on the platform, a woman got on and sat in the seats across the aisle.
It was my son's 10th birthday, we had been to see Matilda and he was very quietly reading the programme and munching a chocolate bar. We were having a conversation, at normal volume levels. He was not shouting, crying, playing with any electronics. Just sitting looking at a book. For the whole journey this woman glared at him and made some very nasty comments about him. She ignored the man sat in front of us tapping away at his laptop.
And yes I did bite back because she was bang out of order

He was a dick. And you was too nice to him. I would have told him where to go.
As for the noise situation..it's a train, noise is to be expected, even in quiet carriages. If noise bothers him so much then why get on a train in the first place. Perhaps he should have taken his stuck up arse and hired a private plane? Anyway you got the last laugh here. He would have been fuming that you got put in first class!

This depends on the culture of your train. My commuter train has one quiet carriage suggesting no phone calls etc.
It is really really annoying when people take calls when they could just go to another carriage.
They are a godsend for some autistic people. My dh uses sound-reduction headphones to completely block out the sound of people as it really affects him and even 15 seconds will upset him for the rest of the journey. He is one of the people that gets upset when people take calls. The majority of our trains only have one carriage to be courteous on. It shouldn’t be so difficult but it is to some people.
It’s just another case of being courteous to others where possible instead of being selfish.

One mistake and a man is not prepared to let it go and then picks on someone for a long time. Glad to read that you thanked the train company.

The quiet carriage on a train is no more quiet than the rest of the train in my experience. People generally just dont care. I do however and get irrationally twitchy when people are needlessly noisy.

I am so with you on this, pinga. Phone call wouldn't bother me in a normal carriage (unless really inane), but in the quiet carriage I get really annoyed. In a repressed, British way, of course.

You listen to music and read your kindle at the same time? That's the only thing I don't get here!!

The man was an arsehole btw.

Why would you not be able to read and listen to music at the same time? I read and multitask all sorts of things, including cooking!

woodenstag I do! Just background music, ironically to stop the noise around me or I can’t concentrate. Have tried white noise but it sends me to sleep.

TM winked at you?
Harassment innit.

He was a dick but you shouldn’t have been on your phone

How cowardly that he didn’t dare say anything when it was men or a young lad. Hope you enjoyed your time in First Class OP!

Ugh people making noise in the quiet carriage is really annoying. Moreso if you commute regularly... people are often disrespectful and he’d probably had enough! You were in the wrong to start with.