Quiet carriage on train

[Polarbearflavour]

I had a long train journey yesterday. I sat in the single seat right of the back of the quiet carriage which was also almost empty. Man sits in front of me.

I had forgotten to put my phone on silent and my phone rang. It was my GP surgery with test results. I was on the phone for around 15 seconds and trust me, I speak quietly!

Whilst I was still on the phone, the man turns round and stands up and tells me to get off the phone I’m in the quiet carriage.

I finish my call, put my phone on silent. He told me that the law was there for a reason and I could choose from 8 other carriages if I wanted to talk.

“Well actually it’s something the rail company has place, it’s not actually a legal requirement to be silent in here.”

I don’t talk on my phone in a normal carriage as I don’t like conducting conversations in public. I’m not intending on taking any more calls.

He’s still talking but I’m done with him. I put my headphones in and my music on. It’s not leaking outside my headphones and he cannot hear my music.

He then sits back down and starts banging away on his laptop. A boy gets on two stops later and spends the next 20 minutes loudly swearing on his phone. The man says nothing - I’m guessing he is too scared to confront this boy!

Two men in suits get on and discuss work matters for 10 minutes. They aren’t quiet. Man says nothing at all. There are two off duty staff sitting in the driver’s cab. There are talking and laughing. So this isn’t really a quiet carriage any more. Not that I really care.

I start eating my bagel and the man shushes at me. Bear in mind that I haven’t uttered a word, I’m reading my kindle and my music is playing through my headphones. It’s fine for other people to chat and swear but I can’t even eat without being shushed.

Anyway, the train manager comes round finally to check tickets. The man complains about me saying I was disruptive and he had very important work to do. The TM rolls his eyes and winks at me.

I then explain what has taken place and that I feel the man has been aggressive to me, a young (ish) woman travelling alone. TM is very nice and says would I like to move to first class where he can keep an eye on me.

I then spend the rest of the journey having free snacks and tea. I’ve emailed the train company to praise the TM for his help.

But why are people so aggressive in public and engage with strangers in that manner?

I could cope with a quick 15 second call, but I think I was right to have a word with the group of noisy young lads who were watching videos on their phones last week. I reminded them it was the quiet coach, along with evil hard teacher stare. They, thank god, got off soon, sadly the mum with 2 dds did not. One on an iPad with headphones, one on mum’s phone playing some awful repetitive music game for 2 hours. I couldn’t bear to speak to her, it had to be hard work on a long journey, but don’t bloody book the quiet carriage in that case!

I was more enraged with the 3 people who got on at Euston, quiet carriage, had an animated conversation all the fucking way to my stop 3 hours later. Proper gave me the rage. I could get an A* in a GCSE about the renovations the couple were making. Ugh.

What a tosser he is, you should have pointed out to the arsehole that someone else was talking and ask if he plans to shush and be aggressive towards them

He’s still talking but I’m done with him. I put my headphones in and my music on. It’s not leaking outside my headphones and he cannot hear my music.
I think that last bit would have been even better if you had mimed closing an imaginary sliding glass door on him while grinning and nodding. He’s just a dick. One encounters them sometimes.

Can't help but feel that all the people who think it's OK to take a phone call on the quiet coach are the same people who chat through gigs and act as if they're doing nothing wrong if anyone says anything to them about it. People like this are everywhere nowadays unfortunately. Selfish and disrespectful. (And no I'm not excusing the behaviour of the guy who was rude to the OP, because it sounds like he was in the wrong too).

Regarding the point about people often just ending up in the quiet coach because there are no other seats: that's absolutely fine, but it doesn't mean they can't still be respectful of the others in the coach who don't want to hear their phones or loud conversations.

Chatting through a gig or play is completely different to a quick phone call on a train. There will never be silence in a quiet carriage. People still use laptops, talk quietly, eat, turn pages in newspapers etc. Plus these trains are old and incredibly noisy anyway!

You should have stepped out of the carriage to take the call, he shouldn't have been rude, you shouldn't have been rude back ('I'm done with him' - nice), but you got a free upgrade so great.

When you're trying to work - which some people have to do on trains between meetings, etc - there's a huge difference between the tapping of laptop keys, which your brain can tune out as background noise, and someone's conversation, which is much harder to ignore as your ears automatically catch words.

Polarbearflavour - they may be different, but the attitude displayed by people who do these things is the same. Both are situations where it would be respectful to others around you not to take your call. And of course there will never be complete silence, but it's normally specifically asked on signage etc that you don't make/take calls in the coach. Sorry, but you're in the wrong, regardless of the other guy's reaction.

Still with the OP here. The man was pointlessly agressive, picked on the OP as an easy target and actually caused more disturbance to the other passengers than she did.

Out of interest, how many of you would have engaged with a random stranger being aggressive?

To be fair Polar, had you respected the "no mobiles in the quiet carriage" to start with, he would not have said anything at all, would he?

Can you really not see you were BOTH unreasonable, to differing extents? I agree that he was worse, but as we all get taught - two wrongs don't make a right.

Take it on the chin. You shouldn't have had your phone ringer on and then answered it; he shouldn't have responded so aggressively (and only to you). Nobody is right here.

If I hadn’t answered my phone and it rang for a few seconds I’m sure he would still have said something! I don’t consider a phone ringing a massive crime in the whole scheme of things.

He seemed to have a real problem with me. As a quiet and non-confrontational person I’ve never had a random stranger interact with me in such a way. Why are people so aggressive?

I'd say "I'm sorry about taking the call- I had forgotten that it wasn't on silent and it was an important call from my GP surgery." And leave it at that.

But yes, men of a certain age, in particular, are often aggressive and patronising to women they don't know in a way that they wouldn't dream of behaving towards another man. I give them a right fucking dressing down if they try the attitude it with me.

I regularly commute and have seen lots of people getting told off for talking and taking phone calls in quiet carriage, in fact there are now text service so if you see someone with feet on chairs or being disruptive in anyway you can text and the conductor will come and sort them out.

He was rude but so were you - you could argue that your response was proportional to his attitude but actually you have come across increasingly more rude on here also.

If you had your headphones on and was reading your book how did you know he said nothing to the others?

Bettyfood yep, that’s my FIL. He’s a misogynistic twat. He’s from the Wirral and if any woman reads the Sun newspaper in front of him (long story, to do with the Hillsborough football stadium disaster for those who don’t know) he’ll go up to her and make sarcastic comments, bully her about it. He has never ever done this to a man.

Plenty more examples. Needless to say the ILs are cut off now.

What an arse. It really pisses me off when men think they can bullly women and wouldn't ever do this to a man. I sometimes think they see women as a verbal punch bag and a way to share their bad mood around.

I got a lot of this when my husband and I used to do a lot of cycle touring. The classic was in France when I called out to a woman who was about to step in front of me with a pram and the bloke with her gave me a mouthful. I'd already screamed to a halt to avoid hitting said woman and child and just stood there open mouthed as this bloke unleashed a torrent of verbal abuse at me. My husband then rolls up and stops next to me, cue silence from my abuser. I said to him, in French, "would you have said that to him" (meaning my husband)? Uncomfortable silence follows. I wish them a good day and we both cycle off.

It still makes my blood boil and it happened 8 years ago!

@MorningDash

but actually you have come across increasingly more rude on here also.

Where was OP rude?

It seems to me that we are still as a society teaching women to put up with aggressive behaviour with men. I can find no other reason to explain all the threads where women do not know they are being taken advantage of by partners/friends/family.

It's great to see an OP stand up for herself, but depressing to see people take the aggressor's side her.

@Lacucuracha

Several of her responses have come across rude in response to anyone who does not agree with her.

By her own admission she didn't apologise, just ignored him and put her earphones in - to me that is rude. Whilst I admit that this is just my opinion, surely the whole problem here is that different people have a different opinion on what is acceptable behaviour and what is not (inc taking a call in the quiet carriage).

It seems to me that we are still as a society teaching women to put up with aggressive behaviour with men. I don't think so - if it was a woman I would have said the same

Also did you forget this part of my sentence He was rude but so were you - you could argue that your response was proportional to his attitude

And as I said she was in the back seat so had a view of the chair in front probably, with headphones on and reading so how does she know that he only commented to her?

OP, your phone conversation to me sounds no different from if your friend / colleague / someone you know came in the carriage.

You would greet them quietly, and exchange a quiet polite how are you. It would have taken the same amount of time, minus the other person's voice here. What do the other people suggest, that you don't greet someone you know on the carriage because you will be breaking the rules? It's not the monastery.

THis man was a bully to you because you are female and he could take advantage of that. Simple!

I have seen and experienced it a lot of times.

And no, you don't have to apologise.