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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH should stop paying child maintenance to his ex wife?

114 replies

TwatWaffle · 13/05/2018 21:35

His son is 18.5 years old, and supposedly in "full time education".

But for the past couple of months he's been working 32hrs a week, and seldom bothers going to college. He's also gone from staying here EOW to staying here 4 or 5 nights a week.

Surely dh should not still be paying the same CM he's been paying for the last 12 years as the circumstances have changed? He's loathe to rock the boat with his ex wife Hmm But I don't see why he should continue to pay until dss is 20 years old when he's clearly not in full-time education any more?!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 13/05/2018 21:37

What was the deal? To pay until he was 20 or till he was no longer in full time education? Whatever the terms he needs to abide.

bastardkitty · 13/05/2018 21:37

Aptly named Biscuit

Melliegrantfirstlady · 13/05/2018 21:38

I would give her some notice.

I can’t understand why he’s worried about upsetting her when his son is now an adult!

Is it much money? Maybe if it wasn’t I’d let it go until he was older

Osopolar · 13/05/2018 21:39

If he is spending 4-5 nights a week with you every week then no your DP doesn't need to pay CM.

Mummymummums · 13/05/2018 21:39

Some courses are classified as full-time but have a lot of free periods. You say he seldom goes but surely the college wouldn't tolerate that.
I assume this is child maintenance via CMS/CSA so your DH could ask them to find out if he's still attending.
How often he stays with you is not relevant to whether your DH pays.

Bluntness100 · 13/05/2018 21:40

If he is spending 4-5 nights a week with you every week then no your DP doesn't need to pay CM

Ffs. Do people just make shit up and post it?

He needs to comply with the legal terms of the divorce or take ir back to court for a variance.

Mummymummums · 13/05/2018 21:40

Just seen he's staying with you 4-5 nights every week so no I don't think he should still pay her.

greendale17 · 13/05/2018 21:41

I don’t think he should pay eithe r

Osopolar · 13/05/2018 21:41

But it is mummy. My understanding is that CM is based on the number of nights so if he is now spending 4-5 nights a week every week at the OP's house then the OP's DP has become the resident parent and is owed CM not meant to pay it!

Osopolar · 13/05/2018 21:42

I'm not saying he just stops Bluntness but he has every right to dispute it if that is indeed how much the son is staying with him!

Mummymummums · 13/05/2018 21:42

Yes Osopolar - I corrected myself.
Bluntness - it won't be a court order though will it? It'll be CSA/CMS most likely as they have jurisdiction

ghostyslovesheets · 13/05/2018 21:43

surely it's up to his dad what he pays

Osopolar · 13/05/2018 21:43

Sorry cross post mummy!

NewYearNewMe18 · 13/05/2018 21:43

Why is he paying CM for a step child?

But with regard to full time education - a lot of college courses are only 2 or 3 days a week. I'd suck it until the end of the school year, then arrange to have it stopped.

Bluntness100 · 13/05/2018 21:44

Yes, he can dispute it by seeking s variance. But that's very different to saying he doesn't need to pay. He does need to pay, until it's agreed he doesn't. Either with a court or the ex. Until then he needs to pay. Or she can come after him for outstanding payments.

Mousefunky · 13/05/2018 21:44

University is technically full term education but I don’t meet many students who are there for more than 12 hours a week. They do have to work from home of course. However because he stays with you for more than half of the week, I think even in the case of an under 18 your DH shouldn’t pay maintenance. In fact, it technically should be the other way around.

BasilFaulty · 13/05/2018 21:44

Of course he shouldn't still be paying. Honestly some of the responses here are so tedious, as are those ruddy biscuits.

She will need notice and it should be discussed between the two of them in an adult way, but technically if he's staying with you 5 nights a week and isn't in full time education as you say, the ExW should technically be paying your DH maintenance. Either way, DSS is an adult now, clearly working full time and the conversation needs to be broached between them.

Bluntness100 · 13/05/2018 21:45

It might be court ordered, it depends on the terms of the divorce. He could have agreed to pay child maintenance till the kids were 20 or not in full time education.

BasilFaulty · 13/05/2018 21:47

newyearnewme18 it's not his step child, I assume OP was referring to the son from her perspective when she said 'DSS'

Osopolar · 13/05/2018 21:47

I can't see anyone saying he should stop immediately bluntness the OP has asked if he should still pay until 20, my response was not he shouldn't be paying until 20 if the OP's partner is now the resident parent. Obviously he will have to contact the CMS and inform them of the change of situation.

missymayhemsmum · 13/05/2018 21:48

your DH and his son need to have a conversation about what the son plans to do, and what support he needs to do it. If he's not finishing the course, working and earning and living with you that needs to be by agreement. Alternatively it may be that he's on top of the course and working to save for travelling or something. Or has fallen out with his mum and is about to get his own place.

If his ex is relying on the money and is still maintaining a home for her son yabu to suggest that dh pulls the rug, just because the son is pissing about a bit for a few weeks. Though once my darlings were 18 and out of school their dad gave them the money instead.

Italia2005 · 13/05/2018 21:49

It depends on the original agreement for child maintenance for your stepson. Most families do not expect their 18+ adult children in full time education to start paying their full share of household expenses, so it seems acceptable to me for your DH to continue paying towards providing a roof over his son’s head. In fact, I would go as far to say I think it would be wrong if he were to stop paying all together. Perhaps he should discuss this with his EW and work out a planned reduction if his son is contributing some of his earnings, and also to set an end date to coincide with the end of the college course.

ADarkandStormyKnight · 13/05/2018 21:50

I'd be more worried that he wasn't attending his education. If child support is stopped on the basis that he isn't attending it could look as if his father has given up on the education route rather than encouraging him to continue.

upsideup · 13/05/2018 21:53

Of couse he shouldnt be paying, if hes the rp now then if anythign she should be paying him, but it definately wont be easy for him to stop and Its possible she wont take it lying down.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 13/05/2018 21:57

Your concern is more for money than the young persons education?

I’m not even going comment on the residing situation because you have intentionally been vague enough for a good froth without actually saying what the picture is.