To ask why you don’t volunteer for school / PTA / Parent Council Events?

[whyismykid]

Is it because you are too busy? Don’t think it’s important? The people who organise these type of events are irritating? Think the school have all the funds they need so it’s not worth the bother?

What would enable you (or persuade you) to help out?

200 people attended the event I planned today and had a good time but only 8 people volunteered to help. I understand that the planning and preparing for events is time consuming (it totally is!) so I’d only expect a small number of people to be able to take that on, but it should be different for on the day help I would think? I made sure each volunteer slot was only 45 mins long, so that people could also take part with their families, and made it clear what each volunteer job involved. Online sign up
so super easy.

What else can I do? it’s a school of 750 pupils and I have a summer fair to attract volunteers for next, any ideas?

because I didnt want too

'I have helped in the past but it's been so cliquey it put me off.'
This
and the snobbery , boasting and general patronising attitude off 'the chosen parents.'

@BertrandRussell I think you are exactly right.

It's the same when you start a new job - you are uncomfortable initially until you have broken the ice.

I don't know the answer. We tried to do coffee mornings (children welcome) just so that people could get to know us, for us to introduce ourselves. Helped a little bit but it was just one more thing that we had to do. Sad really.

3 kids, 2 of whom have SEN, and the 3rd isn’t at school yet. To even be able to attend events requires two adults, so to volunteer we basically need 3 adults for the duration of the event. We are both shift workers and work opposite shifts. There isn’t a day in the week on which we are both off.

I’d love to volunteer, but it’s pretty much impossible for us.

I’ve been on the other side of this. I worked bloody long hours to afford a house in the catchment area for a good school, at the weekends I had all the housework, life admin (paying bills, shopping, etc) to catch up with, see my parents, have contact with my eldest. I didn’t have time for anything else - not even me. I was too bloody knackered. But there were plenty of SAHMs who did have the time & didn’t volunteer.

Because I'm an introvert, find even the school run draining. Burn out from the week already. Busy weekends too without swim lessons, food shop.

Often volunteering to help at one event means your put under pressure to join the PTA properly. This for me has always involved several meetings where certain people take over, new ideas are shunned as "we tried that before" or you get asked to take on a thankless role as part of the committee. Volunteering an hour for a stall at an event with insufficient volunteers often means you end up running it all afternoon and don't get to enjoy the event. I am a member of Parent Power and do help at events on a one off, no obligation basis which is a good way to help getting volunteers without them feeling tied in. However, whilst helping at a recent event, I was asked if I'd be Class Rep!!

Because it’s a nest of vipers and once bitten twice shy. And the headmistress is awful and has no appreciation for the work put in.

When my child started primary I visualised a network of supportive mums. Pshaw! There are nice ones in the mix but the overall effect is of bitching, judgment, cliques, snide comments and nasty rumours.

Honest answer.

I need more than an arms length from the school because they parents are cliquey and the head is a bit of a knob. Its only just bearable knowing I've only got a few months left before WE say good by to that school for good.

Cliquey parents put me off BIG TIME.

and I hate parents that volunteer in their kids class because they get so judgemental about other kids.

I did. I even have a dbs form for that school. I have never ever been asked to do anything, not even reading.

I've helped out loads in the past and you get hardly any thanks or recognition for it. The headteacher was nice but as soon as i had a problem you'd soon see his true colours. It leaves a bitter taste and I regret helping in the past and now stay away from any kind of volunteering roles. It takes up soooo much time and takes a lot of organising. It's not just a 45 minute slot. There's a lot more to it.

I don't have time. I've been sneered at before on here for saying that, but I don't. My job is full time, I'm always out of the house by 8am and rarely back before 7pm (on a good day). I have three children. I already need to cram laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning, time with my children, time with my husband, life admin and everything else into my weekends and evenings, I don't have time for anything else. It's not realistic to say "but surely you have time for a 45 minutes slot?" Even if the slot you want me for is only 45 minutes, the commitment is going to be far more than that. I have to get there, get information about what you're asking me to do, do it, get back, do the things I would otherwise have done and need to get done at some other time... I'm tired enough without adding something else into the mix.

Our school insists on the parents of every child taking a slot in order to spread the load

How on earth can the school insist parents do this? What actually happens if they don't? They can "insist" all they like but if someone is working they can't seriously be expected tell their boss, "sorry but I'm off now, school have said I've got to man a cake stall"

I volunteer as much as I can despite been disabled. I don't work due to disability but most events usually include my DS5 who is aware of my needs so is there if need be and school is great. But understand a lot work and can't. In fact I was amazed at our school as a lot of the volunteers that usually help are fathers which is quite unusual as far as I'm concerned

Initially when my eldest started at the school- because I had enough to do with her and two younger siblings. The parents I connected to were not the type to join the PTA. The PTA types were cliquey, demanding and occasionally downright rude.
Over time I've distanced myself further and further from the school as it has gotten less and less welcoming and more and more like a business and that includes the PTA.

It is voluntary after all and I don't think there should be this guilting of parents who don't choose to get involved.

"Our school insists on the parents of every child taking a slot in order to spread the load "
One of the private schools near here does that. You wouldn't see me for dust if they tried that on me!

I was on the PTA for 3 years. It was the longest 3 years of my life! I was working 4 days a week. Whatever we did, we got criticisms from the same lot of mums who would then not volunteer themselves. I was in the PTA and couldnt bring myself to care as much as the PTA chair about the school fete which was like planning a bloody wedding twice a year. I had other things in my life. The sniping, bitching attitude of the other mums meant that I will never volunteer for anything like that again. I bake cakes, I help out in cubs a few times a month, I put my name down to help on a stall, but I will never put my name down for another committee again.

Nope, definitely not, we were poor and all the volunteers were the well off parents who looked down their patronising noses. We didn't go to school fairs or anything. My kids went to school then college then uni or work. Bugger going into school for anything else. I only went to the last parents evening for each of my kids before they left high school. Like I told the teachers, if there's a problem ring me but I'm not coming into school to stand about till it's time to see me. I knew how my kids were doing with there school work so didn't see the need to waste my time nor the teachers. Common sense is a good thing.

I work full time, am in the final year of my degree and have two children at two different schools so i really have no time to join either pta at the moment. Hopefully next year when I've stopped studying I'll be able to.

What do you mean by 'cliquey' though? . As I said earlier in the thread, we've moved around a lot and I always join the PTA as it is such a great way to meet like minded people and get involved in your child's school.

I have been in four different PTAs and always been made to feel welcome, get involved, lots of friendly faces - and I have kept in touch with many of the people I have met. Last week a gang of us who met at primary school got together for a social night out, even though our DC are all 17+ now.

Am I just incredibly lucky in the PTAs I have joined? Or am I just thick skinned and don't notice 'cliqueyness'? I do get the feeling that some people complaining about cliques are either incredibly sensitive or just looking for an excuse not to get involved.

I volunteered a number of times at son's primary over a couple of years and the funds were not spent, they kept waiting for something big they needed. It was annoying since funds raised were never spent whilst son was there - turns out the PTA had quite a pot and could never decide what to spend the money on. Very annoying and put me off for secondary.

I'm abroad so it's different, but I volunteered for the summer fair the first year only to discover after the fact that the money raised was donated to the sodding church as the principle decided infant school equivalent didn't need it

When my kids were small I worked evenings and had younger kids with me in the day and nothing was compatible with bringing a baby and or toddler aling., Plus I didn't speak the language fluently. Once my language skills were better and the final child started preschool I upped my working and went back to school myself - there aren't enough hours plus what they do is pointless here imo because they don't spend money raised on the kids, they donate it.

When the kids are 6+ all they do here is act as a kind of secretary to the teacher, passing on messages about what the teacher thinks/ expects/ is annoyed about by email, and arrange weird presents for the teachers which involve ridiculous amounts of handicrafts done by mothers. There are always enough candidates wanting to be mouthpiece and I am insufficiently in awe of teachers, having previously been one in Britain where they are considered less godlike

PS. I think it is better when an event is held to raise funds for X or Y and then the money is spent not kept for years later.