To ask why you don’t volunteer for school / PTA / Parent Council Events?

[whyismykid]

Is it because you are too busy? Don’t think it’s important? The people who organise these type of events are irritating? Think the school have all the funds they need so it’s not worth the bother?

What would enable you (or persuade you) to help out?

200 people attended the event I planned today and had a good time but only 8 people volunteered to help. I understand that the planning and preparing for events is time consuming (it totally is!) so I’d only expect a small number of people to be able to take that on, but it should be different for on the day help I would think? I made sure each volunteer slot was only 45 mins long, so that people could also take part with their families, and made it clear what each volunteer job involved. Online sign up
so super easy.

What else can I do? it’s a school of 750 pupils and I have a summer fair to attract volunteers for next, any ideas?

I have offered re pta and put very good suggestions into the school but our school PTA are quite cliquey, bitchy and down right nasty with a misguided sense of superiority if I am quite honest so it has stopped me volunteering my services any further... esp as one of the mums in the PTA whose daughter is in my son's class has made it her all out goal to be an absolute nasty Bitch school bully that I thought Ieft behind 30 odd years ago and I really don't need the hassle... I put my voluntary hours of work into a charity that appreciates me instead

I also work full time and regularly have to miss stuff as it is.

I think it can be very hard for people who have other commitments and priorities - volunteering at school event can often be the last thing someone finishing a busy week juggling work and family feels able to take on. I know I was happier to volunteer when I wasn't working.

All of the reasons already cited by previous posters have been mentioned by people I know, including that in some schools regular involvement can become a bit 'cliquey', which deters others. The general culture of schools, and even year groups within the same school, varies a lot, and some are better at being inclusive and welcoming.

I have to say, I have found private schools to be generally better at arranging parent help for events. I think it is a mixture of the sort of positive pressure that StaplesCorner mentioned (lots heads in the private sector are constantly 'marketing'! ), and just making the whole volunteer experience more relaxed and fun.

The people that run it are painful to be around and don’t make it very pleasant

Not RTFT but ME personally, I have 2 SEN kids, I might be able to attend an event, but I will rarely be able to volunteer.

Although, as it happens, I am volunteering as a parent helper for a PTFA disco this Friday. That sort of thing it’s better if I can volunteer. But most events are difficult enough just to attend. Volunteering is usually impossible.

Sorry.

Logistics for me. Dh works spilt shifts and ds is too young not to get into everything at the moment. I am lucky to have some help when the termly parents evening comes up and for some evening meetings but even covering 45 minutes on an activity would prove too difficult and use up good will that would be better used at other times.

We do try to support most events, as the school needs the money to give the children the best. The PTA was actually dissolved at the end of the last school year and the school council have taken over that sort of fund raising which so far seems to be working really well. So the older years run stalls with support from staff and dbs checked volunteers. They are also responsible for choosing where the money goes so put lots of effort into coming up with new ideas.

@Sweetie you may be right about this. I am constantly surprised that people say they will turn up to this or that and then just don’t with no explanation. That must be annoying.

The particular event I’m thinking of is one that the school runs every year and when aetting up for I think they could have a list of jobs which people (on the day) tick to say they’ll do - it’s easy for the main PTA as they all know each others’ names and who is in charge, and are confident to just grab a job but it’s a bit off putting to a new or occasional volunteer to sort of have to assess the room and then muscle in on someone else’s task which often ruffles their feathers as you can’t see what else to do!

I am in another country and so to be honest feel very socially awkward volunteering at school. I volunteered twice in the library (a few hours a week for a while term) and really enjoyed that as I got on really well with the librarian and enjoyed seeing the same kids each week. I volunteer in my community outside school. I just find it hard to feel like I belong at the school so avoid it.

Well obviously I don't know what everyone actually thinks, no one does :) - but when the PTA put pressure on people in this way, it suggests they don't understand that there may be good reasons people won't or can't help. They make people feel bad with PA emails (or maybe that's just my school!) and it suggests that they think you are not helping just because you're lazy and apathetic. I think many, many people have better reasons than that – and even if they don't, it's still their choice, and not something they should have to do at all anyway.

If there's a reluctance to help, it may be that people are put off by this kind of attitude and the way the pressure is applied. As well as by the cliqueyness issues and politics that others have described on the thread.

I was on the PTA when my children were at school, I work full time, it involved about 6 evening meetings per school year and an odd sub committee for events. We also did 6 car boot sales on Sunday mornings in the summer. It was always the same people that volunteered for the hour slots for the car boots, marshalling traffic, collecting money, cooking bacon butties, serving food and drink, clearing up after and setting up barriers the day before. People always think they are too busy until someone actually drags them along.

I have never helped. DS is yr4 DD is yr1. It’s not because I don’t have time because I’m a part time student. My husband however works 6-7 days a week every week and most of those days he is out of the house before anyone else wakes up and doesn’t get home until we are in bed. So whilst I have time I don’t have anyone else to watch my children. I have never left them with a babysitter because I am not comfortable hiring a stranger to watch my children.

I also don’t know any of the mums at the school beyond the occasional good morning. I’m not good in social situations and also am made to feel embarrassed that despite the number of hours my husband works to provide for us we live in a 2 bed flat with the kids still sharing a room and no garden compared to other parents who talk about their houses and holidays and renovations etc. I have no qualifications and no self confidence. I do not even know who my children’s class PTA reps are. If one of them actually came up to me and got to know me then I suppose I could maybe feel comfortable enough to ask if there were jobs I could do behind the scenes therefore not surrounded by lots of people and possibly also during school hours when I wouldn’t have to worry about what to do with my children.

Because I'd rather chew my own arm off than do it again
I volunteered for PTA when my kids were in primary. It was bitchy and cliquey, I was consistently ignored, and it turned out that the meetings were all during the week in the day, as were the fairs, so I couldn't go.
I'm happy to pay not to go to one ever again.

Personally I wouldn't volunteer as there's already a band of Mums that do everything and I know someone who recently has offered help and they're already sick of being told 'don't do that, that's my job' or 'don't talk to the teachers about this, I do all the dealing with the teachers' blah blah. I'd rather donate prizes/money than my time. I also feel that you tend to volunteer once and then you got collared for everything. And going for drinks at Christmas, meetings etc just no. I'm too anti social for any of that.

Is it remotely possible that some of the cliquiness is just them being friends who've done stuff together before, and they find it as hard to connect and make small talk with new people as some of the posters on here do? Everyone always thinks everyone else is more confident and able to deal with new situations than they are.

I don’t volunteer because I have three kids at two different schools, I am separated from my husband and have nobody to look after the children when I’m out, and I also work part-time. Just making sure that homeworks are done and dinner’s on time takes a lot if organising. No time or indeed energy for any volunteering I’m afraid, no matter how worthy. Hope that answers your question.

the same few people to stack all the chairs and tables, sweep the floors etc.

This seems to be the case in every setting I've encountered TBH, including at work, school events, PTA events, rugby, cricket, football, scouts, swim club... Some people will leave a room full of chairs and assume that other people will sort it out; some people will start stacking the chairs and asking where the broom is kept

I'm on the PTA, it took me a year to pluck up the courage to go to a meeting and I'm really glad I did. They aren't cliquey or scary at all.

There have been some lovely new parents come on board recently who have brought in some new ideas and new skills.

Our school is a middle school and we collaborate with the primary school on one major event a year and split the proceeds plus run our own events.

Without fail it's the same dozen or so volunteers helping at every event. It's wearing to say the least. We have a summer social event coming up and yet again we will be stretched thin and the same people will be working all evening.

I have no idea how we are going to get the required number of volunteers needed to run the collaborated event with the first school. It's a headache.

We run a tuck shop every Friday straight after school and also do discos, movie nights, fetes, social events, provide refreshments on parents nights and for school shows. We have recently painted the corridors in school and have funded science equipment, a new ICT suite and upgraded the library.

I used to recruit volunteers and the best way to get results is to ask people personally. All I ever get are Round Robin emails and they are easy to ignore. I only get a personal call when they want money.

I work full time & im socially awkward 🙈 the anxiety that would bring me 🙈

Yes.

Yes BertrandRussell, I think there is a lot of that. Groups of mums get to know each other eventually if they stick at volunteering at school and feel relaxed in the company of those people. But the insecurities that most people have mean that they are more wary and awkward around new people. It is easy to perceive that as being snubbed or even rejected.

I expect it is actually very hard to get right, but I have had experience of when the dynamics were really good, and volunteering was really fun. That hasn't been replicated at other schools/ year groups since then ().

Our school insists on the parents of every child taking a slot in order to spread the load - it also ensures a good turnout as every family attends at some point during the day.

Work ft, kids, sick parents. I do help out every now and then but tbh I get hacked off that it’s always the women who get asked to help and bake buns etc. That may just be here thoug ( rural Northern Ireland)

i'm on the PTA, it took me a year to pluck up the courage to go to a meeting and I'm really glad I did. They aren't cliquey or scary at all.

At our PTA is was exactly all those things, to the point they don't even acknowledge you with a, 'hello', when bumping into you anywhere in or out of school, save for the meetings . they simple say hello to their friends and blank any newcomers out. Your PTA sounds great.

Because I spent 3 years helpoing and DH spent a different 3 years helping and we helped at other events throughout the years and then we'd had enough.