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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why you don’t volunteer for school / PTA / Parent Council Events?

999 replies

whyismykid · 13/05/2018 15:40

Is it because you are too busy? Don’t think it’s important? The people who organise these type of events are irritating? Think the school have all the funds they need so it’s not worth the bother?

What would enable you (or persuade you) to help out?

200 people attended the event I planned today and had a good time but only 8 people volunteered to help. I understand that the planning and preparing for events is time consuming (it totally is!) so I’d only expect a small number of people to be able to take that on, but it should be different for on the day help I would think? I made sure each volunteer slot was only 45 mins long, so that people could also take part with their families, and made it clear what each volunteer job involved. Online sign up
so super easy.

What else can I do? it’s a school of 750 pupils and I have a summer fair to attract volunteers for next, any ideas?

OP posts:
Tartanscarf · 15/05/2018 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pluckedpencil · 15/05/2018 18:30

They are so bloody cliquey though. My lovely SAHM friend who has school aged children is on one and is so pissed off when newcomers join with criticism of decisions which may or may not be right, I don't know, butshe does need I see it's a process and to get people on board you need to allow them a voice from the start.
I did volunteer in a school teaching English as a foreign language. It is thankless, apart from the kids. But I now work full time, and as much as I'd love to help out, the two hours where I get to see my kids in the evening are way too precious. And weekends has never been an option. And meetings are at 5.30pm when I'm just leaving work and starting my commute. And dh works away a lot and we don't have nearby family to babysit....I bet the people who don't volunteer mainly don't fit in other hobbies either. Unless helping with homework counts...

Rosti1981 · 15/05/2018 18:41

Because I only have so much time and energy, to be able to work, look after my children, cook, clean, volunteer at other things (scout group, children in two different establishments so two different PTAs and sets of fundraising activities), run Sunday school, sleep, eat, commute, take my own children round the fair, bake cakes for X y and z day, remember all the special days at school and things to bring in, donations / mufti days etc etc etc. I'm an introvert and I find things like fairs really take it out of me. I usually do volunteer, either to help with set up or clearing away, but sometimes I say no because all the other life stuff just feels overwhelming. I try to volunteer what I can, when I can, but if I don't put some boundaries in place I easily find myself getting overwhelmed. That said I'm usually glad when I do make the effort despite not feeling like it, and if everyone tries to give a little bit when they can, it does mean community events can happen.

SweetieBaby · 15/05/2018 19:16

@Tartanscarf

I don't think that anyone has said any volunteering is worthless, a waste of time or that only volunteering on the PTA is worth while, and what you are doing is commendable and I am sure greatly appreciated by the school.

I certainly don't think that. I completely accept that anyone who volunteers for anything quite feasibly has no time left to volunteer for anything else.

I was a volunteer counsellor, Chair of the PTA and a governor and I was on my knees. It was just too much.

I have no issue with anyone who's circumstances mean that they feel that they cannot commit.

I do have an issue though with those who do nothing criticising anyone that does volunteer, in any capacity, or anyone who sees it as their right to benefit from someone else's volunteering whilst doing nothing themselves. All the snidey comments (I know this wasn't you) about Stepford wives, bitches, martyrs, cliques etc is uncalled for.

People saying anyone who volunteers at school is only doing it to suck up to the staff and so on. It's unnecessary. I've only ever volunteered because I've seen a need and wanted to help. I don't want any glory, always refused as a governor to sit in the front row at concerts etc because I do not see myself as any better than anyone else and I resent being tarred with that brush.

And no, I wasn't a single parent on NMW but I was someone with a disability and long term health problem, working for NMW alongside a husband who works 12 hrs a day 6 days a week so that we can try and make ends meet. Does this have any relevance at all to the discussion?

Do or don't do, according to your situation, but don't crticize anyone else for their contribution.

Tartanscarf · 15/05/2018 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twinklefeather · 15/05/2018 19:24

I’ve helped before but it is cliquey and some pta members are really pushy and a bit rude. In all honesty I have enough people at work & home demanding my time I don’t want to be bossed around and spoken to like I’m daft just because I haven’t organised it. Calm organisation and taking to people properly would help.

BertrandRussell · 15/05/2018 19:32

"It's clear that the only worthy activities are PTA ones and that the other things that people like me do aren't valued at all."

Seriously-can you point to where anyone has said anything even remotely like that? Because I, for one would instantly withdraw any post of mine that even suggested it.

Tartanscarf · 15/05/2018 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SweetieBaby · 15/05/2018 19:39

@Tartanscarf

Can you not see that you are doing exactly what you are accusing others of doing? Your contribution is worth more because you are a single parent or your work is more valuable?

You have no idea what anyone else's circumstances are, including mine, and actually it isn't relevant.

What matters is that we all contribute to society and that we all try to make our communities a bit nicer, no matter how small that contribution is. No one's, including yours, is worth more than anyone else's.

Tartanscarf · 15/05/2018 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SweetieBaby · 15/05/2018 19:47

That post, I am sure, was aimed at the PPs who made such horrible, uncalled for insults of anyone who volunteered on a PTA and who said that they didn't care if PTAs ceased to exist because anything that they provided wasn't wanted anyway (I am paraphrasing). The reply then was well in that case you won't expect your child to benefit will you?

Many people can't actively contribute for whatever reason - it doesn't mean that they have to be so nasty about the people who do does it?

SweetieBaby · 15/05/2018 19:48

But you are saying that. You said yours was more worthwhile because you were a single parent on NMW

Tartanscarf · 15/05/2018 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

budgiegirl · 15/05/2018 20:03

Look at the op for a Start. No recognition of anyone who gives anything in terms of money or time that isn't to the PTA

You seem to be taking this very personally. The OP was simply asking a question as to why more parents didn’t help at an event. The OP offered a few suggestions as to why this might be. It wasn’t an exhaustive list, to cover all scenarios. Your answer that you already contribute financially, plus help in other ways, is perfectly valid. The OP I’m sure recognises this.

BertrandRussell · 15/05/2018 20:06

Look at the op for a Start. No recognition of anyone who gives anything in terms of money or time that isn't to the PTA look at the third or fourth sentence "think the school have all the funds they need so it's not worth the bother". The school do you have all the Funds they need off me I can't afford to give any more.“

The OP was asking a question. She may very well not have realized that people contribute to school funds - it’s not something that happens at all schools. And she may not have thought about the people who volunteer in other ways for the school. If she’d known all the answers, it wouldn’t have been any use her asking the question, would it?

siwel123 · 15/05/2018 20:11

Opinion may not be popular...
I don't volunteer because quite simply i don't want to.
I would rather spend any of my own free time with my family.
However I appreciate the work our PTA does and will donate the money.
And if i don't agree with how they're rasing the money, i just don't donate.

redcaryellowcar · 15/05/2018 20:33

I do volunteer, and at the weekend spent time setting up for the school Fete, then for 2 1/2 hours of the three the Fete was open helped on various stalls and then helped pack away, I will be careful not to commit so much next time, as I really didn't enjoy the day, and spent almost no time with my own children who I wish I had taken around the various stalls. I think what irritated me most is the people who I would class as friends who didn't put themselves down to volunteer for even half an hour on one stall! I've realised some people just don't put it as a priority, and in the future I'm going to protect my family time too!

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 15/05/2018 21:03

Actually umizoomi profits are generated because I And others attend fetes and buy stuff,send. In donations to be resold. The money fairies don’t sprinkle tenners on pta.there is a for cash transaction from other parents eg plastic tat,stodgy over priced cake,numerous lucky dips all generating money. Money I give, contributes to items purchased. So yea my kids will use the stuff, and no I’ll not in any way feel beholden to pta for it. As you put it The ones who bitch about the PTA being cliquey/alphamum✅✅ etc etc etc (reading this thread) but whose children still fucking benefit
In fact all kids fucking benefit because I and others turn up and copiously spend, generationing donations

Yes the PTA are cliquey and alphamums

Let’s be frank if there was a fuck off and stop emailing me tarriff I’d pay it,upfront,right now.to not receive their whiny martyred emails hectoring other parents to be volunteers

siwel123 · 15/05/2018 21:18

@Lipstick. I agree with just less swearing.
I hate people on here did say we are selfish and rude for not being on the pta and using the money they raised.

I agree it must be annoying for people to put hard work in and get critiqued and no thank you etc and I'm sorry for that. I'm also sorry I don't put time in and help.
But I put money in to, so yes my child should be able to use the money raised. So should everyone's as it is a school parents association, Not a parents who can afford or sacrifice time to organise and run events association.

umizoomi · 15/05/2018 21:18

Yes Lipstick
So by your own admission you contribute by donating and buying stuff.

My comment was that there are plenty of people who don't donate anything, don't £1 for non-uniform or ever let their kids go to the disco but then think it's awful if there is not new sports equipment that the PTA funds pay for.

I don't think our PTA is cliquey. If it is, it's because those parents have done it for the whole 7 years their kids are at primary school and no-one else will do anything.

We raise around £4500 for school each year and they use it to the benefit of all.

As others have said, you don't want to volunteer that's fine, you contribute in different ways. But don't slag of those who DO give up vast amounts of time and their own money to put of events that YOUR children enjoy and benefit from.

siwel123 · 15/05/2018 21:20

I agree it must be annoying people don't donate.
But not everyone can afford it etc.

BakedBeans47 · 15/05/2018 21:22

It's clear that the only worthy activities are PTA ones and that the other things that people like me do aren't valued at all.

Eh? Confused

umizoomi · 15/05/2018 21:22

One of our best supporters is in fact a single mum to 3 kids. Not in terms of finance, but if she sees little pocket money Toys really cheap, she picks them up for us and donates for a re-sale. Support comes in many forms.

umizoomi · 15/05/2018 21:23

One of our best supporters is in fact a single mum to 3 kids. Not in terms of finance, but if she sees little pocket money Toys really cheap, she picks them up for us and donates for a re-sale. Support comes in many forms.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 15/05/2018 21:26

By my own admission, ha ha judge rounder I admit I did get my purse put in a built up area.m’lud

And I will slag off (as you put it) Pta and whomever I wish As the PTA are cliquey cabal. My children enjoy and benefit because I and other parents cough up for plastic tatt and depth charge cakes

I donate because it is easier that hoofing bag of stuff to charity shop