To ask why you don’t volunteer for school / PTA / Parent Council Events?

[whyismykid]

Is it because you are too busy? Don’t think it’s important? The people who organise these type of events are irritating? Think the school have all the funds they need so it’s not worth the bother?

What would enable you (or persuade you) to help out?

200 people attended the event I planned today and had a good time but only 8 people volunteered to help. I understand that the planning and preparing for events is time consuming (it totally is!) so I’d only expect a small number of people to be able to take that on, but it should be different for on the day help I would think? I made sure each volunteer slot was only 45 mins long, so that people could also take part with their families, and made it clear what each volunteer job involved. Online sign up
so super easy.

What else can I do? it’s a school of 750 pupils and I have a summer fair to attract volunteers for next, any ideas?

I'm a sahm to three. I've helped out at the odd thing, will try to do more when my youngest starts school. But there are several reasons I don't do more. Partly for my mental well-being. I get stressed and low if I take too much on. I support another charity which means a lot to me and it receives a lot less money and recognition than the school does. I don't want to be involved in any politics or cronyism.

My kids went to a primary school in the UK which had a clique running the PTA. I volunteered to help at several events bedtime story night, movie night and something else I forget. Tbh it was a waste of time. The organisers had not allocated any jobs to anyone, they just ignored you when you arrived. I rolled up my sleeves and found something to do but it would have been more organised if they had actually "run the event" on the night. It was not social as no one spoke.
No one else was made to feel welcome if they joined the meetings, which were held in the evening in a pub. I went to a couple but they degenerated into gossiping and I didn't feel very comfortable.
I didn't like or enjoy most of the events they organised but we did turn up and spend money.
I stopped offering after that.
My DH helped a few times supervising the discos they put on.
We have moved to another country now and it's very refreshing not to be constantly getting begging letters from school. Haven't had a single one in twelve months.
I think people should be more concerned about the fact that the government doesn't fund schools adequately.
That's what is frankly depressing. They can afford to send their kids to Eton and Rodean and they don't give a shit about anyone else's.
Their kids will be running the country one day and they won't give a shit about your grandkids and great grandkids education either.

I have run a Rainbows unit and a Brownie pack in the UK as well and have just joined to help with guides in the country we now live in.

I helped on the very occasional stall when mine were at primary school.

I'll be honest. I just hated it. Having to paste on a fake smile and pretend to be having a wonderful time when it really was my idea of hell was something I couldn't do very often. So I didn't.

It did tend to be run by a clique too, which was off-putting.

I didn't understand the stereotype of the bitchy clique-y PTA mums, having had DC at three different schools where the PTA was lovely, welcoming and well run. I genuinely didn't get it, I thought it was MN hyperbole

And then we moved to a new school where the PTA is the very definition of the worst of PTA behaviour - in-fighting and the sort of politics that I thought we had all left behind in the playground, ridiculous meeting times arranged for personal convenience, chair who can't / won't delegate... The whole lot

I've given it a go, but I'm going to stop being involved next year (beyond going to the fair and buying some cakes etc) because I just don't need that kind of shit in my life

Tom - well said!

I run a stall at the summer and xmas fairs every year. I can't go to any of the planning meetings though, and neither can i run a cake stall at 3pm on a week day.

The PTA do a lot of complaining that no one new ever turns up the meetings but won't change the time of them to enable more people to attend. Shooting themselves in the foot really.

I don't because I'm busy (working single parent with DC too young to be left alone) and I'm introverted and shy. It's one thing to give up your time (which is difficult enough), but it's even worse to have to spend it having chit-chatty conversations and meetings which I find incredibly stressful and am crap at, even if it's good-natured – and at ours there is infighting and incompetence which I'd find even harder.

I have helped the school in various other ways, giving what I have been able to with the career skills I have, and I donate money when asked. So I really don't like people getting all judgemental about those who don't get involved with the PTA. Have a little think before you blame people for not getting involved - they could have all kinds of reasons, be dealing with huge caring responsibilities, be too shy/anxious, be too busy keeping body and soul together. And their reasons might not be obvious. And they might have anonymously donated a million quid to the school for all you know.

@The80sweregreat

Thank you, it just really pisses me off. Parents shouldn't have to be raising money for essentials like books and structural repairs. The ideological cuts are disgusting and failing children.

I'd be interested to know how many of the people on here saying that they would rather make a yearly donation than do any fund raising have actually made the donation? There's nothing stopping you sending in a cheque even if it hasn't been asked for.

For those saying just ask for donations, everyone would prefer it etc. It isn't that simple. People just don't do it.

Others saying they can't make daytime meetings and others saying they can't make evening meetings - do you not see how difficult it is to organise this? Whatever they do the committees will always be in the wrong. We faced the same criticism - we alternated between daytime and evening meetings (even though daytime was more convenient for those who did attend), we varied the day, still nothing.

We asked for helpers only on the day of the event. We put up rotas so they only committed to an hour. Loads signed up then just didn't turn up on the day. I ended up press ganging my mum and dad and sister and brother in law into manning stalls for us because the event was already up and running.

A lot of people think that schools shouldn't have to fund raise and that government should give enough money - this is true. They should, but they don't. We would not donate money for anything that should have been provided by the school but we paid for lots of other things which were "extras" but made the school a better place. We paid for yr 6 leavers parties and presents, playground equipment for children to play with at lunchtime, gardening equipment for gardening club, musical instruments, story bags and so on. These enriched the school environment. Maybe all PTAs should just stop doing what they do. Perhaps then they might be appreciated a little bit.

I think cliqueyness is a well used stereotype. Maybe they do exist but not in every school. It was uncomfortable to join a team of people who already knew each other but very quickly they became friends.

It is sad that so many public services rely on volunteers but the money just isn't there to provide the extras.

I have found the PTA at three of my dcs schools to be cliquey and unapproachable. Also in two schools I worked in as a teacher, some other teachers were very rude about the members of the PTA. I just don't want to be spoken about like that or join in with people who are snobby and rude.
It's a shame because I have money raising ideas and enthusiasm that could be useful.

I’ve been thinking about this today. One of the problems is that a lot of the events are quite labour intensive and old fashioned ways of raising money - is anyone really interested in a cake sale (where I guarantee people will have spent more on cake ingredients than the cakes are being sold for) or fete where you kid comes home with £20 of old teddies? How about doing something easier - get a Zumba instructor parent to run a Zumba class in the playground before or after school - £1 each, or a football parent to run a 5 a side tournament on a Saturday. When TV shows like Strictly are on have a ballroom dancing class or competition - or a talent show when BGT is one. There could be Eurovision night with sweepstakes, or even (back to the baking theme) ‘School Name’ Bake Off - £2 to enter and the cakes get raffled off after. If parents get asked to do something in their area of expertise, such as Zumba/ yoga, they’re much more likely to help - it’s also great advertising for their business.

Also interested in the "we are happy to give money" thing. The school could no longer afford a lovely "extra" so parents were asked to contribute £20 a term for it. UPROAR!!

I can imagine there’d be some controversy with the children of the PTA winning the ballroom dancing, Lelly! They do seem to be annoyingly good at everything at my DC’s school.

One annoyance has been touched on here - when you go to help at events but there’s no organisation about what you should be doing. Often it’s a highly inefficient use of people’s time. I’m quite good at just getting stuck into things now but I know a frw shyer/more hesitant friends and they find it impossible to just pitch in when all the inner circle PTA people are bustling around doing everything already (and sometimes correcting the lesser mortals’ decorating etc ).

I have a child with asd and nobody to look after them, they're on a reduced timetable at school so I don't really get any free time.

I didn't join the PTA at any my DCs schools, because I already volunteer as a cub leader, which takes up a huge amount of my spare time. I have 3DCs, a full time job, and and elderly parents who live 100 miles away, so I have very little spare time as it is.

However, I would always help at school fairs etc, for just one hour manning a stall, or helping set up or clear away. I was there anyway, so it didn't seem like a big deal to help on these occasions, my other half, inlaws or a friend would take my kids around the fete while I did my shift.

200 people attended the event I planned today and had a good time but only 8 people volunteered to help

I totally understand that not everyone can help with the planning, not everyone has the time or inclination to do so. But surely more than 8 could have helped to man a stall. The 200 who were there couldn't possibly say they didn't have time, as they were there anyway. The OP had made it easy to sign up, for only 45 minutes help at a time. But still no takers.

I've noticed this with Cubs, to be honest. Parents are very keen for their kids to attend, and go on all the trips, camps etc, but are not so keen to volunteer to help out. Of course, everyone is falling over themselves to volunteer to help with the free, big day out we do once a year! But not so much with the day to day help needed at meetings, setting up tents, cooking at camp etc. I do understand why this is, but that doesn't mean it's not a bit disheartening.

Late to the thread as I only get to MN on my commute - i don’t volunteer as I work full-time, commute 2.5 hrs a day and am doing an MSc in my free time. DH works long rotating shifts and in the rare occasion we can be together as a family and don’t want to be at school. Happy to provide cold hard cash rather than bake cakes/do coffee mornings/go to mums school disco (run away) - I am a miserable introvert

I do help when I can, but often stuff is scheduled to happen after school on a Friday. I can never help then, as it clashes with the Rainbow unit I run (singlehandedly).

@ScipioAfricanus I don't know if this is applicable to your school but in our case if that happened it was because the ad hoc volunteers were so unreliable so we would agree with Mrs X that she would be on the tombolla between 11 and 12 and she wouldn't show up, or Mrs Y who wasn't available during the fair but would come earlier to decorate Santa's grotto and then didn't turn up. Eventually we learnt not rely on people and so just ran round doing everything ourselves. It's just impossible on the day, when you were giving out floats, setting up stalls etc to be able to spend time setting up a 1 hour volunteer who didn't know what to do or how to do it. We really tried. We tried to speak to the helpers before the day to give them a heads up but the truth was there were just too few of us.

Honestly, it is such a huge job to put on events like this. Even something like a quiz night involved quite a lot of work before hand to sell tickets, book a quiz master etc. Then on the night I would be there for a couple of hours before then after everyone would get up and disappear and leave the same few people to stack all the chairs and tables, sweep the floors etc. To the people that came for the couple of hours it probably seemed very easy but it would take us 5 or 6 hours of work on the evening alone.

I agree with the PP who said we need to look at new ideas. Lots of these events are old hat now and people have charity fatigue. You need new re invigorated ideas to grab their interest.

I work full time

Also interested in the "we are happy to give money" thing. The school could no longer afford a lovely "extra" so parents were asked to contribute £20 a term for it. UPROAR!!

I can see why some people would object if you ask everyone to pay up. That's the point - people have different capabilities and strengths, different amounts of money and free time. I think it's great if people have free time and are sociable and want to organise a school fair. But I'm not in that category, and I'd rather give money or specific help as I'm able to.

And yes I have paid up, I make a financial donation, donate goods, and buy raffle tickets for every school fair. I've also given hundreds of pounds worth of materials to the school that I have access to through work (totally legally I should add!).

BUT if you don't have time OR money, that should also be fine.

It's the expectation and grumping if you don't help out that piss me off - because helping out means in the ways that PTA members decide you should because it hasn't occurred to them you might have other reasons not to besides being a lazy arse, or that you might have helped the school in other ways they aren't aware of.

It smacks of smug moral superiority (not saying all PTA people are like that, but that attitude does) and is yet another thing that puts people off them.

“It's the expectation and grumping if you don't help out that piss me off - because helping out means in the ways that PTA members decide you should because it hasn't occurred to them you might have other reasons not to besides being a lazy arse, or that you might have helped the school in other ways they aren't aware of“

I honestly have never come across anyone who thinks like this.

It's the expectation and grumping if you don't help out that piss me off - because helping out means in the ways that PTA members decide you should because it hasn't occurred to them you might have other reasons not to besides being a lazy arse, or that you might have helped the school in other ways they aren't aware of

Fair enough, but are you saying that all of the 200 people who attended the OPs event had legitimate reasons not to help while there? I doubt it.

“I can see why some people would object if you ask everyone to pay up”

Of course. But when people specifically ask for the option, are given it and don’t pay up........