To ask why you don’t volunteer for school / PTA / Parent Council Events?

[whyismykid]

Is it because you are too busy? Don’t think it’s important? The people who organise these type of events are irritating? Think the school have all the funds they need so it’s not worth the bother?

What would enable you (or persuade you) to help out?

200 people attended the event I planned today and had a good time but only 8 people volunteered to help. I understand that the planning and preparing for events is time consuming (it totally is!) so I’d only expect a small number of people to be able to take that on, but it should be different for on the day help I would think? I made sure each volunteer slot was only 45 mins long, so that people could also take part with their families, and made it clear what each volunteer job involved. Online sign up
so super easy.

What else can I do? it’s a school of 750 pupils and I have a summer fair to attract volunteers for next, any ideas?

Because some of the members are irritating and clickey.
Because I have a toddler with me 24/7 and nobody around to help out.
Because the meetings always take place in the very expensive bar of the snooty village hotel and I simply can't afford to keep up with that!
I will be offering to be a classroom parent helper, though, when toddler goes to preschool -until I go back to work.

Because I work full time as a secondary school teacher, so no, I really don't have evenings and weekends.
The women that run these events are bitchy and cliquey. They are also hellishly patronising cows in the most part.
Finally, they also decided that I couldn't be much help with anything because my wheelchair gets in the way and being unable to walk, in their eyes means I am unable to do anything. (Thank god my employer still consider me to be capable enough to teach students up to A-Level....obviously twatting about for a stupid primary school fair is beyond my disabled capabilities).
I grew up in a family where my dad ran the school PTA for years and kept being re-elected as he was good. Ironically it was a Catholic primary and he was staunch C of E...I loved helping and was desperate to help ds primary school, but was very quickly put off by sheer snobbishness of the SAHM who condemned me for having the audacity to work whilst also being disabled and having a dc.

Getting people to help with voluntary stuff is hard! I volunteer a lot of my time for something non PTA and we do a Doodle Poll to arrange meetings. We have a WhatsApp chat group and I always post on there before a meeting giving a jist of what we'll be talking about and asking for comments from people who aren't able to make it. If there's someone's opinion that I particularly want to hear, I'll get in touch with them so it's part of the discussion at the meeting.

PTA meetings are always 2pm on a weekday when I and a lot of other parents are at work. I don't mind changing my hours at work for an assembly or play, but not for a PTA meeting.

I also always give a summary of meetings on the WhatsApp chat so everyone knows what we chat about and what the plan is. Our PTA never do this. We have a Facebook group for school parents, they have the events for meetings on there and use it to ask for volunteers and to remind us for the 5th time in a week that all parents are welcome to the Friday assemblies, but they never say what they talk about at their secret clicky PTA meetings. Perhaps if we knew what decisions they were making or what small roles we could take, we'd be more interested in helping.

Also, as @Feral pointed out ^ our PTA mums are the ones that are literally sat outside school at 2pm so no wonder their free for PTA meetings then, they probably prefer being sat inside with a coffee than sat in their cars anyway!

The PTA at my kids school are just not the kind of people I want to associate with. I don't like them, so I don't spend time with them. And their lack of organisational skills, bitchiness, and idiotic ideas would drive me insane. They wanted to stop any child of single parents or non traditional families from being admitted to the school.

" I’m happy to contribute in my own way - our school has an Amazon wish list for example, and I’ll happily buy 12 glue sticks or 48 pencils every now and again. "

This sounds like a pretty neat idea. Transparency and fundraising in one swoop.

But also this from another poster: "It seems that many people here view all those PTA organized activities as a given. Maybe because you grew up with them."

This is not to belittle those organising events etc - esp given cuts to school budgets. But...why? Why do we accept that large amounts of unpaid unthanked labour from (mostly) women is a good setup? What the hell is good about it?

People don't have to say why they don t volunteer

But the OP asked. And no answer seems to be good enough - even the time spent posting on the thread could be time spent doing PTA admin, apparently!

I am with BrokenBiscuit - if you want to volunteer, then knock yourself out, but don't get all high horsey on people who don't. Different choices, equally valid.

@TheNavigator don't forget time worked on a worthwhile charity is not as worthy as commitment to the PTA.

As my sister died due to a heart defect at 29 leaving a young child behind, that comment really irked me. I haven't done anything for BHF in over 10 years except make donations and somehow I don't get mocked or insulted by their volunteers.

I have four children, 2 of which are under 3, I work full time and in my ‘spare’ time I am studying at post grad level. I barely have time to reply to texts, apply mascara or sleep at the moment. The kids don’t get enough time with me. A cake sale is so low in my priority list right now I’d not even get to attend let alone volunteer.

Imagine not prioritising the PTA bake sale - I am shocked, shocked I tell you

Mine hasn't started school yet, so genuine question, what is the pta for other than fundraising for the school? If it is just the latter I think the option of an Amazon gift list or just donating is a brilliant idea. I can see why socially some people might enjoy it, but like jelliebellie I don't necessarily want to socialize with people just because they have children the same age, I would much rather just donate the money. Totally on my own single parent working ft as a secondary teacher, I barely have time to sort myself and child out and haven't socialised without my child since I had them.

Because I work ft is one reason
The 2nd being the women who are the pta are the most intimidating women I have ever met. The type that seem to be able to do it all, look great & raise their perfect children without breaking a sweat. They are also the worst type (I've heard them) who is all smiles & sympathy to a persons face but then gossips & bitches behind their backs. I don't want to spend the little free time I have with them. It's bad enough on the playground

(pta in my school is totally non existent hence why asking)

I think after reading this thread that I shall never offer any help to the PTA again. Goodness only knows what they thought of me, when I said that other things in my life meant I could no longer be relied on, but I’d continue to help out if I could on short notice if they had gaps.

I now understand that I’m just a lazy cow to some, that I’m a sponger as DC are getting the benefit of other’s efforts. Nice.

Most people don’t realise I have cancer, because my treatment did not cause me to lose my hair, and dropping it in to general conversation is awkward as I then have to manage other people’s reactions.

I hope none of you who think those who don’t give to PTA are selfish scroungers never accept a drug, the research into which had been even partly funded by charities. Because if that’s your logic, you should live by it in all aspects of life, not just when it suits you.

Wow I’d hate to be a parent at some of the schools you’re all talking about. I can’t believe so many people have bought into the whole playground mentality and are judging other people for wanting to do what’s best for their children, whether that’s working full time or PTAing.

The children get a lot out of the work the PTA does, simple as that. Whether it’s new playground equipment from funds raised or a renewed sense of community from events, they mostly benefit.

OP, I think the best way to get parents to help is to demonstrate what the children are getting out of your work. If you can’t show clearly what the benefits are to them then the effort isn’t paying off.

Also I think there should be more meetings in the evenings so Mums, Dads, working and non-working parents all have a chance to attend. Appreciate there are shift workers but you’d be hitting a higher proportion of parents than by insisting on having meetings at 10am on Monday. Likewise - small tasks or time slots, people are worried that by giving an inch the job will demand a mile.

Good luck

I've never understood why people who volunteer for things are fair game and the slightest questioning of people who don't is met with outrage. Three posts in and the criticism started. Loads of people can't. Loads of people don't want to. But why the need to abuse those that do? What's it for? And in my experience it's the same people who do the volunteering for everything. I've been involved in several different youth activities in our small town and it's always the same few helpers. Can you imagine how miserable it is putting things away after something kids have enjoyed while their parents sit in their cars watching? Or in some cases even bipping their horns because it's taking too long?
Don't volunteer if you can't or don't want to. But don't call me a cow or a cunt or sneering or cliquey (to grab the first 4 insults I noticed at random) because I do. And if your kid does football or drama or Scouts or whatever, consider spending 10 minutes at the end helping to tidy up. We'll all get home earlier then. And you're there already after all.

I volunteered to help once in my sons old school, it seemed one of the parent helpers was glory hunting (the one i was paired with) we were tasked with opening cartons of drinks to give to the children. She was literally tearing everything out of my hands so she could be the one to hand it over. Making sure to make sure she looked utterly exhausted. She never said a word to me. If I so much as picked up a box to open it she'd rip it off me and open it herself. I wasn't doing anything wrong/slowly, opening boxes of cartons to hand to children isn't rocket science, she just didn't want me there. Put me off bothering again.

The reason that people have answered as they do is because OP specifically asked for why people DONT volunteer, so of course the reasons might make uncomfortable reading.

This wasn't a thread about why everything in the PTA is great. If you want one of those, start one.

And my reading of the thread is that there are a lot of people who think that the very act of volunteering puts them somehow beyond criticism. And I doubt very much that, unlike OP who wants to change hers for the better, they will be taking much from a thread about what has put people off.

@clairedelalune a lot of it is about raising money and I agree its not always the most effective way to do it.

But its not all about that. The school my children go to is in a deprived area and the PTA exists mainly to give the children some nice experiences like a disco that they wouldn't normally get. It also gets some parents that are pretty negative about education in to the school. They can be anti-school in general due to their own experience. They can be intimidated by parents evening and not turn up, but will come cos their child is excited about the fair and singing in it and the teacher can chat to them more informally. It doest raise much at all.

Ask th me why not too? I don’t see many of them getting involved.
To answer your question: I don’t have the time nor interest - so for selfish reasons.
I’d rather donate an extra 500 quid, for example, a year, than get too involved.

BertrandRussell
No one called you that. However, they have spoken of their experience at the hands of others who are in a PTA. Not your PTA. You cannot negate someone's experience. It is a part of who they are.

It's a bit like when you have a boyfriend and he's a dirtbag. You are very careful with the next one and in some cases don't bother, cause life is genuinely better without the hassle. The only difference is time would allow you to open up to that experience again. PTAs have a very short timespan. Hope that analogy makes sense.

Or maybe once bitten twice shy is easier.

As I said neither the doers nor the non-doers come off well in this thread. The fact you only seem to notice what is said about 'your people' is interesting. Oh and biased.

I work (more than) full time, so does DH. I work days Mon to Fri, he works nights over the weekend. We never have any family time, and have nobody to help with childcare (which is why we work these schedules). Our family schedule is just stretched to the absolute limit and we are one sick child away from disaster at all times. You can't assume that full-time equals Mon to Fri 9 to 5.

I actually volunteer as a parent governor as this is one evening a month, which we somehow manage. Will probably have to resign though, as meetings are held on Wednesday evenings for the (childfree) headmaster's convenience, and my work is going to require me to start provide late cover on Wednesdays.

The whole pta thing at our school is ridiculous. They decide what events they want to offer, set them up for 3pm on schooldays, and then harangue parents to provide raffle prizes (to the point of sending each child home with 'please provide a box of biscuits that costs £5') and then harass people to buy tickets to win their own stuff back 😐. And moan at length in emails and on FB etc that nobody is volunteering to help. Then don't run them when working parents are at work!! I would rather they just asked me to send a tenner donation in once a year.....

And don't get me started on what the money gets spent on. Pta chooses and it's random. Last year, in November, they decided to pay for the whole school to go to the local panto. Well, pay half of it. Which meant me paying another fiver for DS to go see a panto for which we had already bought the whole family tickets, and for which DH had booked a day off work. I know for a fact I'm not the only family who had a trip ruined by this.

And breathe....

Weird sort of glory getting to open kids drinks

Personally don't recognise the PTAs described here at all. Meetings at our school every 6 weeks or so. Equal mix of working and SAHM, mostly working. Very professional. Meetings in the evenings to be more inclusive. Parents that went were "normal" and friendly wanting to help the school (that is sadly literally falling down due to budget cuts). I made a couple of lifelong friends on ours really great women.

Last school holiday we formed a working party and painted some of the grimmer classrooms and the bogs. Not sure some parents realise how truly shit the financial situation is in some of schools. We literally have walls falling down that the LA refusing to repair [anger]. Wish people would step back and see the bigger picture if you can help (appreciate many can't fair enough) then you should really.

I go to PTFA events, but don't have time to help out.
Was in school on Friday when they were talking about something they needed, I ordered it from eBay for them. Job done.

@BertrandRussell in my case it wasnt the PTA that were rude but certain parents who thought our efforts fell short of their standards and then bitched about us all on the parents fb page. Even though they never bothered to volunteer.

It was an absolutely awful time and i have no intention of ever being in that position ever again

I've always volunteered for these things and a lot of volunteers are full time workers (ime very few are sahp) but you do end up taking on so much that I've had to whittle my commitments down and not just help every week with brownies .
It is a shame there aren't more volunteers as it makes so much work for the few that do offer and it quickly becomes a burden
I've not found pta etc cliquey in fact it can be a good way to make friends it's just how quickly it snowballs with not much appreciation or thanks for what you do