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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why you don’t volunteer for school / PTA / Parent Council Events?

999 replies

whyismykid · 13/05/2018 15:40

Is it because you are too busy? Don’t think it’s important? The people who organise these type of events are irritating? Think the school have all the funds they need so it’s not worth the bother?

What would enable you (or persuade you) to help out?

200 people attended the event I planned today and had a good time but only 8 people volunteered to help. I understand that the planning and preparing for events is time consuming (it totally is!) so I’d only expect a small number of people to be able to take that on, but it should be different for on the day help I would think? I made sure each volunteer slot was only 45 mins long, so that people could also take part with their families, and made it clear what each volunteer job involved. Online sign up
so super easy.

What else can I do? it’s a school of 750 pupils and I have a summer fair to attract volunteers for next, any ideas?

OP posts:
SweetieBaby · 13/05/2018 21:19

@Onceuponatimethen

But the same is also true of the people that volunteer. I really am not saying you should, it is your decision entirely. Just please don't assume that those of us that do volunteer are living some sort of charmed life, free from the need to work or illness or family committments.

I was working, had children, had a husband who worked, had some very serious chronic health conditions and a very ill dad.

Not asking for a medal or anything. I chose to do it. Lots of people here saying that they volunteer elsewhere - I chose to volunteer at school and for a charity that supported me during an illness. All my choice but still done in spite of what was happening in my life not because I was sat at home, bored and twiddling my thumbs.

Onceuponatimethen · 13/05/2018 21:19

I honestly couldn’t do another thing. I think people know their limits.

peoplearemean · 13/05/2018 21:20

1 - I have volunteered several times, I work in events and I "get it" however the somewhat bitchy cliques at my school rule aren't interested in anyone who actually knows what they are on about (harsh but true)

2 - I did volunteer a few times but since finding out the utter shit my school is spending money on (bibles for leavers, massage lessons etc) when they plead poverty I can no longer be arsed.

WinnersClub · 13/05/2018 21:20

I've volunteered loads. But one occasion sticks out in my mind. when ds was in YR 4, his teacher asked for volunteers to help with reading etc . A number of us put our names down and also attended a meeting to find out more about what we would be doing. The meeting concluded with the teacher promising to send out a time table rota of all us with the days we'll be coming in. All was great, then i waited and nothing happened.

3 weeks later i bumped into one of the mums that had volunteered and I commented on the rota we were still waiting for, she casually explained the rota had already gone out and the volunteering already started. Basically the teacher wasn't interested in any new volunteers and only picked the mums she was friends with Hmm.

SweetieBaby · 13/05/2018 21:23

@WinnersClub

That's dreadful and no wonder you were put off but respectfully that is down to the school, or more specifically that teacher and not the PTA.

grasspigeons · 13/05/2018 21:23

the school I work at has a male chair and male treasurer for 3 years now. A woman does the advertising/PR (they all work FT as well but presumably don't have other stresses)

The bbq stall, beat the goalie, PA system are all run by Dads, the throw a sponge at a teacher is male, a lot of male parents do a stint on a stall

perhaps that's another tactic, double your 6 by getting more men involved.

50andgoingstrong · 13/05/2018 21:24

I help out at events and donate and stuff but do not want to be IN the PTA.

I work and have other stuff to do. Plus those that do are on it big time, lots of meetings, nights out etc.
There are power struggles and lots of fall outs and in fighting. . I just can't be arsed with all that shit.
It's not for me.

Maverick66 · 13/05/2018 21:24

Cliquey,bitchy and most people have fund raising fatigue.

bbc3ismyworld · 13/05/2018 21:27

I've got really annoyed about this recently. I'm on our PTA committee. I don't have a huge amount of spare time but do as much as I can. At our school, the PTA has historically been very active as it was run by people who had a real passion. They've moved on, sadly, and we're now trying our hardest to keep up the momentum, but aren't really succeeding. I know plenty of people who work part time and do have time that could be used to help, but they don't. Of course not wanting to is an acceptable reason. But, at a time where school budgets are being slashed to the bone, the money the PTA raises is used to buy essential stuff that our kids will really miss if it's not there, like art materials. People who say they don't care if there's a summer fare or not, may well care if the school doesn't have the £4000 raised by said school fare, to help fund activities for their children. Fetes and bake sales etc take hours and hours and an army of people to organise. Taking abc never giving back, if you have the time to do so, is just really unfair.

Faultymain5 · 13/05/2018 21:28

Reading the thread, I find it quite sad that so many people are proud to benefit from the work of others whilst looking down at them.

You're absolutely right. I go out to work not only helping to keep a roof over my kids' heads, food on the table but also give to the school only for PTA members (who aren't even a part of my school) mocking my selfishness, and looking down on my 'faux' busyness. We all give. So can't we all just get along. In all honesty, it's for the kids.

Pikehau · 13/05/2018 21:28

In reception I worked full time and was pregnant & tired with 2 other dc then heavily pregnant and I’ll then I had a newborn. Year one I had a small baby then a baby who moved at 6months and walked at 10....just exhausted with 3 D.C. now as we approach year 2 I will be back at work full time and have 3 D.C.

I also figure with 3 D.C. we will
Be at the school for 11 years so
Didn’t jump into it with ds.

We also give plenty of money a year though the events and above the suggested donation (coe school)

Elmersnewfriend · 13/05/2018 21:31

Just saw that our local PTA describes themselves as "a group of mums and teachers who help raise money for our school". So no dads? Why is t always mums who are supposed to work / attend things? Why does my husband never get made to feel guilty for not offering to help at the latest Film Night?

Pikehau · 13/05/2018 21:31

And to add I like to think I’ll be more active when all 3 are at school

Pikehau · 13/05/2018 21:32

Head of our pta is a man

corlan · 13/05/2018 21:32

I gave up volunteering because the people runnning the PTA were just so incompetent.
The final straw was when I was put on the 'Guess How many balloons are in the minibus' pitch at the Christmas fair. Unfortunately the minbus had been parked in total darkness so nobody could see inside. Oh, and when I was waiting to be allocated a pitch, the head of the PTA accused me of having come in early just so that I could avoid the 50p entrance fee!

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 13/05/2018 21:32

Faultymain5
the PTA seem to be able to hold full time job to support their own kids, raise money to improve the school conditions for same kids AND not take the piss of people because they think they are above them.

LockedOutOfMN · 13/05/2018 21:35

Our school doesn't ask much of parents (it's a private school). There is an annual summer fair which I have to work at anyway as I work at the school and it's mandatory all staff come to work that day, help to set up, run a stall, then clean up. My cake-making isn't up to scratch for the "Mums'" cake stall, but we always donate unwanted books and toys in good condition and a prize for the raffle or tombola.

I'm not allowed to participate in the "Mums'" performance as I have to run my stall, and I have to say I'm quietly thankful for that. All the money raised goes to charity (not for school supplies).

Through the year I bake a lot of cakes for my students' cake sales and obviously support things like charity mufti days both as a teacher and a parent. Again, that's charity fundraising not for school supplies, etc.

littlestgirlguide25 · 13/05/2018 21:38

Because when I asked if the PTA needed volunteers when my DD started school, I was told they didn't.
Because I work full time and the meetings are always in school hours.
Because what would I do with my DC?
Because just because I don't volunteer at school doesn't mean I don't volunteer. I am a Guide leader and that eats up hours and hours of my time every week all year round for little or no thanks, and I think I do my bit already.

Faultymain5 · 13/05/2018 21:39

Ikeepaforkinmypurse

Are you sure about that?

What I've read is those not on the PTA are lazy, selfish, and happy to accept the work of others when everyone's kids benefit.

Even when said non-PTA "volunteers", are volunteering elsewhere.

But yeah no PTA member is looking down on non-members.

TheNavigator · 13/05/2018 21:40

These threads pop up from time to time and are so utterly pointless.

Honestly, OP, what answer would satisfy, because obviously no reason is going to be good enough.

People will have their reasons, they don't have to do what you want, let it go. You do you and let other people get on with being them.

The world will keep turning without the PTA summer fete. Just do it if you want, or don't. Don't hassle others to do things, just because you think they should. It is your choice, others make different choices and they don't need any reasons for that.

ChoudeBruxelles · 13/05/2018 21:44

Because I was an assistant beaver leader so volunteered there and now volunteer at ds’s judo club. And I work full time

ChoudeBruxelles · 13/05/2018 21:45

Plus I’d rather just give money each term instead of having to bake etc for a sale

WinnersClub · 13/05/2018 21:47

Sweetie Yes I agree, nothing to do with the PTA, this was all the teacher.

Bottleup · 13/05/2018 21:48

Rather than moaning about parents not raising money, why not moan at the government for slashing school spending meaning people have to spend their limited free time trying to raise enough money to buy essentials. At our school PTA money gets used to buy art supplies and books. Its a disgrace. You might not see me running a stall at the PTA but I do lots of other stuff to petition for better funding for schools. And I pay taxes!!

TittyFahLaEtcetera · 13/05/2018 21:49

I work full time, am disabled and a single parent.

I joined my DS's PTA in an attempt to make friends, but they were cliquey, did most organising of events during the day, I had to get a babysitter for the meetings and was rarely given any specific task to do because I worked.

There were nasty comments about "the Mums who work" being lazy and not committed to their children made at a meeting, and I made things awkward by piping up that I worked. Daytime events were always organised with consideration to "all our hard working husbands" and I ended up feeling like I just didn't fit in at all. The one time I was told I was helping out at an event, it turned out I wasn't on the rota, and it was suggested I leave, but I insisted on rolling my sleeves up and helping in the kitchen instead. Rota mum kept reminding me, "But you're not on my rota!" all evening.

In all honesty it ended up being more hassle than it was worth. I quit after a year.