To ask why you don’t volunteer for school / PTA / Parent Council Events?

[whyismykid]

Is it because you are too busy? Don’t think it’s important? The people who organise these type of events are irritating? Think the school have all the funds they need so it’s not worth the bother?

What would enable you (or persuade you) to help out?

200 people attended the event I planned today and had a good time but only 8 people volunteered to help. I understand that the planning and preparing for events is time consuming (it totally is!) so I’d only expect a small number of people to be able to take that on, but it should be different for on the day help I would think? I made sure each volunteer slot was only 45 mins long, so that people could also take part with their families, and made it clear what each volunteer job involved. Online sign up
so super easy.

What else can I do? it’s a school of 750 pupils and I have a summer fair to attract volunteers for next, any ideas?

Because I am a single parent of two children with autism. My mental load is already off the charts and I cannot add to it. Nothing could make me volunteer or get involved.

Can't be arsed.

Dislike most of the mums. (and some of the dads.)

Dislike some kids.

Dislike some teachers.

As has been said, PTA related bollocks is very cliquey.

Too busy watching netflix programmes, surfing the net, reading.

I have a job.

Did I mention I can't be arsed?

I can't make the pta meetings but offer help setting up and manning sweet stalls when I can. A lot of parents could do more but are unwilling

I think one of the messages coming through loud and clear is that if you rebuff people, they may well not ever come forward again. So sometimes a bit more thought before making requests might help.

Just because PTAs are made up of volunteers, it doesn't give them a free pass tombehave badly. Things like not communicating cancelled meetings as soon as they are cancelled is just shoddy - and Sod's law will always mean it was that day that a couple of newbies would come along. But you won't see them ever again.

Work.

The fact that most of it is aimed at mother's, not father's (men have more important stuff to be doing like working full-time, it seems). Just another group of mostly SAHP or those who can afford to be part time workers assuming that fellow mums aren't breadwinners and / or don't mind being signed up to a heap of personal commitments on top of their existing ones.

In short, it's more wifework that people I know who are involved seem to think and guilt other women into. Sexism.

I feel wrung out and knackered as it is, work and kids, house and cooking and pets, I'm sure (OK not sure as I only have one week evening off) that I could wring a bit more out of myself, but find the playground pick up excruciating as it is, I don't think I could cope.

I do appreciate all you pta folk though, so thank you

“You may not want to believe that some working families don't have time,”

Yes, I do believe that. Absolutely I do.

What I don’t believe is that it, and all the other completely valid reasons for not helping applies to all but 6 of the parents and carers of a 400 pupil primary school!

When I set up my direct debit to the school, it was to the governors, not to the PTA.
The PTA would not know about parents making donations this way.

never and don’t plan to

It’s optional - that’s a complete answer

I have 5 dc who all have sn so I struggle to fit stuff in as it is. Pta meetings are in the evening when I'm trying to get my dc to bed. I struggle to get anyone to babysit because people just don't want to change a 5 year old's nappy or lift a 10 year old into bed.

I work pt, volunteer with another organisation approx 2-3hrs a week but can be whole weekends and volunteer in school about 1.5hrs a week doing reading etc. I always support the events but I have enough on my plate with family and other commitments. I did volunteer once but the parents nice though they are made me feel a bit of an outsider (perhaps I'm being a bit too sensitive).

But what is coming loud and clear is the extraordinary level of aggression some people on here are directing at people who do volunteer. Which in turn makes me wonder if all the utterly awful PTA people are quite as bad as they are being painted. Awfulness can go both ways.

@GlacindaTheTroll

We always tried to have some jobs for people who couldn't help at the event (so maybe childcare issues, working etc) but who said they wanted to help so things like sticking raffle tickets onto tombolla items (someone took them home and did it, another time someone came into school when they had a free morning that suited them, wrapping lucky dip or santa's grotto gifts, going to the cash and carry, going to local shops to collect donations. There's lots of behind the scenes stuff to do that doesn't have to be done on the day or at school.

We really weren't cliquey. None of us knew each other to begin with but to any one new I guess they felt like an outsider. Surely this is the same whenever you first join an established group though so a new job, new house. Just because you don't know people it doesn't make them cliquey.

It's also very hard to try and show someone what to do as you are setting up for an event when you maybe only have 3 or 4 regular helpers there. If you possibly can help at an event maybe try going to 1 meeting beforehand, or even speak to a member of the committee before, just to find out what you need to do, or where to go on the day. Honestly, I would be pulled every which way on the day and then you would be trying to answer questions that could have been asked a week before.

Maybe just appreciate a little bit what the PTA is trying to do rather than constantly criticising and nit picking. I had never done anything like it before and yet suddenly I was trying to grapple with licensing laws, risk assessments, public liability insurance, Charity Commission laws. Then all the parents moaning that there were too many events, not enough events, why don't we do this... If you said that would be great could you organise "oh no. I'm too busy but I think you should definitely do it. We'd love to come"!

“When I set up my direct debit to the school, it was to the governors, not to the PTA.
The PTA would not know about parents making donations this way.”

PTA money and school funds are completely separate and are intended for different things,

5.30am - 7am Study
7-7.45am get ready for work
7.45-8.45am travel for work
9.00am -12.30 work
12.30-1.30pm do admin tasks for the kids' extra curricular activity company
1.30-5.50pm work
6.35pm prep dinner
7.30-9pm. Eat, spend time with kids, homework
9-10.30 study

One day I tap dance, another day I run before work. I do find time for the gym when not studying (my gym opens at 6am). But in study mode what we have above is my life.

Just one day not including an extra part time role, which means I don't actually eat with my kids on the days I do that. Please slot that meeting in. I can guarantee I'm doing something related to my home life or worst yet working. I was in work on Friday at 8am but still working from home at 11pm.

And for the record the schools in my areas have never asked me to donate. I'd tear their hands off at the offer.

And to those feeling miffed people don’t help think about all the stuff that could be going on with people without you knowing:

Parent who is elderly with dementia
Dh about to lose their job
Dc with sn
Their own mental health needs
Their own long term physical health issue
Very demanding job

Some of the above are true of me but I doubt most people I interact with know

I wholeheartedly agree with louharrisismyhero, we have men on our PTA but there mostly in it for self promotion as in they own local restaurants so run a gourmet burger stall at the summer fete or are older Dad's that are semi retired.

And Bertrand it doesn’t really matter why people don’t help because it’s meant to be optional. That means they don’t have to do it!

Because I would literally rather stick pins in my eyes. Each to their own and all that but I have less than zero interest in this kind of thing.
As someone else said, it’s optional and ‘I don’t want to’ is a perfectly good reason.

Maybe those 8 are just far more organised than us lesser beings.

Re our primary school. It was uber cliquey( parents and teachers), head an utter arse,PTA members up their own backsides and frankly not very nice. Didn't want to spend more of my time putting up with the above and hated most of the events anyway as did my dc.Secondary lot seem much nicer but now work full time.I already pay a monthly amount so feel I do my bit. Think asking for a £5 a month from each family instead of volunteering is far more realistic and a better way to go.

Reading the thread, I find it quite sad that so many people are proud to benefit from the work of others whilst looking down at them.

Most of the PTA members in my kids schools work full time, and jobs that generally don't mean 9 to 5. I honestly don't know how they do find the time. It's one thing not to be involved with the PTA, but refusing to volunteer to try helping your own kids because you can't be arsed.. wow

But what is coming loud and clear is the extraordinary level of aggression some people on here are directing at people who do volunteer.

I don't see that. Some people want to avoid unpleasant, pushy or cliquey PTA groups but plenty of others have given different reasons for not getting involved.

Reading the thread, I find it quite sad that so many people are proud to benefit from the work of others whilst looking down at them.

Many parents contribute by spending money at the events. So they are contributing.

Because the year that I volunteered for a PTA position in addition to working 5 days a week and dealing with a whole host of personal problems was the year I got pneumonia, had to start taking anti anxiety meds due to feelings of being overwhelmed and subsequently developed post viral fatigue. I just took on too much.