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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why you don’t volunteer for school / PTA / Parent Council Events?

999 replies

whyismykid · 13/05/2018 15:40

Is it because you are too busy? Don’t think it’s important? The people who organise these type of events are irritating? Think the school have all the funds they need so it’s not worth the bother?

What would enable you (or persuade you) to help out?

200 people attended the event I planned today and had a good time but only 8 people volunteered to help. I understand that the planning and preparing for events is time consuming (it totally is!) so I’d only expect a small number of people to be able to take that on, but it should be different for on the day help I would think? I made sure each volunteer slot was only 45 mins long, so that people could also take part with their families, and made it clear what each volunteer job involved. Online sign up
so super easy.

What else can I do? it’s a school of 750 pupils and I have a summer fair to attract volunteers for next, any ideas?

OP posts:
Goldenbear · 13/05/2018 20:21

Teateaandmoretea, well that's an amazing insight in to lots of people's lives you have there! Do you not appreciate or understand that people do not always have a straight forward life and by that it can mean full time. Even full time people don't take work home with them or can't say in the case of a firefighter. Of course it is a very hard job but you can't be a a firefighter from home. You say no excuses unless you work 24/7, well what about the excuse of needing to sleep? It's just an absurd notion that every has the same life, the same stresses and the same pulls on their time. I don't even know how anyone comes to that conclusion.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 13/05/2018 20:22

It does just seem to be excuses. No one is saying join the pta. The question was regarding a half hour stint for a weekend fete.

BertrandRussell · 13/05/2018 20:23

"I’ve said this many times, I’d happily write a cheque at the start of each term for £x"

And I have said many times that we always offered this as an option but nobody ever paid up. And people complained about how unfair it was and they'd much rather bake a cake or give some time. Obviously they didn't do that either.......

givemesteel · 13/05/2018 20:25

Interesting that Alot of people would pay a yearly / monthly donation to avoid being tapped up for help. Maybe schools should just do that, it may then work out cheaper to then pay a few people min wage to help set up if the event brings in enough money to warrant it. Min wage for under 20 year Olds is a about a fiver an hour.

NefretForth · 13/05/2018 20:27

I work full time, I'm out of the house for c. 60 hours a week (and am permanently on call, it's that kind of job).

I volunteer for another organisation which is important to me, which takes about 3 hours each week.

I don't want to. DH will take DD to our school fair and I'll have a blissful hour or two alone at home with a book and a glass of wine. This happens once or twice a year, and it's too good to miss.

BertrandRussell · 13/05/2018 20:35

"Interesting that Alot of people would pay a yearly / monthly donation to avoid being tapped up for help"
They say that. But in my experience they don't do it. Ours had that option all the time I was involved with the school. Nada.

IdblowJonSnow · 13/05/2018 20:35

At my child's school, there are so many stay at home mums on it that I don't think anyone 'new would get a look in! They are cliquey and intimidating (to me) so I keep well out of it. Also my daughter doesn't enjoy going to any of the events so it's not on my radar anymore. We happily donate when asked and I appreciate the effort people put in.

crazymumofthree · 13/05/2018 20:36

I am not a member of the PTA - primarily because I don't have the confidence and hate making small talk/ find it awkward so organising it all would be my worst nightmare. However when we have events, school trips etc I do get involved helping out on stalls as and when I can.

Reasons I haven't ..

my husband has been at work (he worked Saturdays at previous job so I had no one to watch my three children while I manned a stall!)

We already have plans that day so wouldn't be attending (often fireworks falls on DS Birthday!)

I myself have been at work or I have my daughter with me who I have no childcare for (daytime events/ after school)

The PTA is quite clickey in one sons year so I do find that a bit awkward as you are always on the outskirts although they involve you etc.

BertrandRussell · 13/05/2018 20:37

Of course loads of people can't/don't want to. But honestly? Out of a school with 400 children-6 volunteers?

midnightmisssuki · 13/05/2018 20:37

I work full time and where my daughter goes to school - some of the other mums are super scary. I would love to but I just can’t deal with the craziness of some of them.

user49er · 13/05/2018 20:37

Because our school doesn't have one! Smile or maybe it does and it's that cliquey I don't know about it Grin

SweetieBaby · 13/05/2018 20:39

I'm loving the teachers on here making such derogatory comments about the PTA. Maybe the ones in your school aren't working well but in our school the teachers were quite happy to request donations from us for things that their department wanted but for which there was no money in their budgets - I'm guessing that is ok?

It's also not very fair of the PPs who keep saying that working families don't have time. That isn't true - maybe you don't have time or don't want to do it. I was Chair of the PTA, a governor and I worked. You can do it if you want to. Why do you have to belittle the efforts that some people are making for the benefit of the school? Does it make you feel better about the fact that you don't want to do it?

No one wants to help at these events but when we put on discos once a term it was amazing how many children attended. Obviously we were ok to be unpaid baby sitters (probably for all of these uber busy working parents)

GlacindaTheTroll · 13/05/2018 20:39

NefretForth - send your PILs instead. They - MIL especially - will terrify any PTA into submission, with or without umbrella

Tartanscarf · 13/05/2018 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bimbobaggins · 13/05/2018 20:42

Because I’m an introvert

mirime · 13/05/2018 20:42

@Marriedwithchildren5

It does just seem to be excuses. No one is saying join the pta. The question was regarding a half hour stint for a weekend fete.

My DH often works weekends and as I said he has very little flexibility over his hours and his hours can be changed last minute - he also sometimes isn't given his hours until quite late. My parents look after DS while we both work so I can't ask for babysitting on the weekend, and PIL are a four or five hour drive away.

So my 'excuse' is that I cannot guarantee my availability - surely that would make it unfair of me to offer.

BertrandRussell · 13/05/2018 20:44

"Bertrand. I had no time and no money.

Was I just useless to the school,then?"
No of course not-where did I say you were?

FrancesHaHa · 13/05/2018 20:45

I've tried twice, both times taking time off work - I work full time, long commute and meetings are held during the day.

First time I turned up at agreed time to help prep for the summer fayre. Was told they were going for breakfast, and to come back in a couple of hours. Which I did, but assumed they clearly weren't desperate for volunteers given that approach.

Second time I went to a planning meeting for another event, again during the day. Not a single person spoke to me. 3 people obviously felt they had it all in hand and just discussed what they were going to do, with no reference or explanation to anyone else. The other group chatted in their native language, which I don't speak.

I concluded that their 'all welcome ' texts were a lie, and decided to save my annual leave for more important things such as my child's holiday periods.

Oh, and they hold a disco every year for the kids, but you have to buy tickets from a particular person in the playground. Which doesn't work if you don't do pick ups and have no clue who this person is.

Also, I would happily give cash, but I would want to know what it's actually for, as it's never been made clear.

EdithWeston · 13/05/2018 20:45

You may not want to believe that some working families don't have time, but perhaps when you are told it over and over again you might want to consider that not everyone is a liar, and that not everyone does have sufficient time left over to take on commitments, especially shift workers. And that they may be begging for a play date for their DC to go to the (weekend) fete anyhow, as they can't get leave and if no-one will take, then the DC will be mikes away at Granny's and unable to gomat all.

SweetieBaby · 13/05/2018 20:46

@BertrandRussell

Yep. Same here. Tried it every year. Same as asking for donations for xmas fair or summer fair. Even requests for 2nd hand toys was like getting blood out of a stone.

No idea why I put myself through it other than the school was so grateful for the money that we raised and it meant that they could buy the extras that otherwise the children would go without, so we paid running costs of the minibus, team kits, stage lighting - things that just made the school a little bit nicer.

InspMorse · 13/05/2018 20:46

Do people not realise that not everyone is in a position to give time?
Why do some of you assume that people who don't 'get involved' are just being lazy/ selfish?
I'm sure many people would be happy to drop everything and bake cakes or set up school halls or attend meetings if they could .
I was persistently badgered by the bloody PTA when my first DD was small. I had one child, a DH and only worked PT. I think they decidedassumed that I was the 'perfect candidate' to get involved.
Did I get involved? No I didn't because other, more serious, sad & urgent things were taking up my time & energy.
I certainly wasn't going to share my reasons for not getting involved with a load of women I barely knew.
I know people decided that I was lazy & selfish. They were welcome to their opinion.
If you can help, help. If you can't, don't let other women make you feel like crap.
If you are one of the few who 'do everything' - good for you but don't judge others. Everyone contributes in their own way. They're not bad people because they don't contribute your way.Angry

SweetSummerchild · 13/05/2018 20:49

I did four and a half years as a parent governor. I sat in two inquisitions with Ofsted and one with HMI.

I spent one afternoon every week for two terms meeting as part of a group trying to recruit a headteacher with no experience and no help from the LEA.

I had to endure the comments flying around FB when the RI Ofsted came in and the parents demanded ‘the governors should do something about this’ whilst doing SFA themselves.

I was part of the team that helped move the school from bordering on Inadequate to Good.

I’ve done my time. It’s someone else’s turn. I feel no obligation to do any more.

I do listen to reception children read once a week even though my youngest is in year 3.

Not a single parent of a child in reception helps out (two form entry).

Abouttime1978 · 13/05/2018 20:50

Yes I give money at every opportunity.

I tried to give money by standing order but it was apparently too difficult to organise.

We pay into the school fund annually and give more than double the suggested. We also buy books for the school etc etc etc.

So yes I do contribute whenever possible.

Elmersnewfriend · 13/05/2018 20:51

The point about new people volunteering and then not being given a chance is also so true. Last year at our PTA AGM, they asked for volunteers for each class. A new family were clearly interested and making all the right moves. But alas were ignored in favour of the reception class Mum who had another child in year 2 and was already known... I have never seen the first family volunteer again.

EdithWeston · 13/05/2018 20:52

Don't get me started on second hand toys!

We had a new toy tombola. I bought a lovely soft toy, duly delivered it to correct collection point. I then saw it going for 50p in the second hand stall. That's another 'never again will I do something specially for them' moment.

Maybe I was just unlucky. Or going through a very prickly patch or something.