To hate the body positive movement

[Raven88]

I used to believe in it until I was diagnosed as pre diabetic. Genetically I gain weight easily and I comfort ate.

Since Boxing Day I have been eating healthy and started exercising and I've lost weight. But I've also become healthy. I used to be in constant pain and tired all the time but that changed as soon as I took charge.

It scares me that they are leading people down a dangerous path by promoting an unhealthy lifestyle.

I think a positive body image is important but healthy at every size cannot apply to someone who is morbidly obese. I wouldn't think anyone likes being fat though and making people feel bad about themselves is mean and achieves nothing.

Body positivity is about taking care of yourself and not hating the only body that you have.
It is not telling extremely overweight people to put on more weight or telling them to lose weight - I think people are capable of knowing when they need to lose weight. For some people, it's not a priority at the minute whether they are fat or not, and even if you don't agree with it, it's none of your business.
It simply means to appreciate the body that you have got by taking care of it and to not feel ashamed, to feel confident in what you feel confident in and to not hide away.

A friend of mine had suffered with eating disorders for many years (bulimia and binge eating) with a yo-yo body and recovered and now maintains a healthy size 10. Her body was covered in stretchmarks and she still had a few wobbly bits like we all do, and she was ashamed to wear a skirt and top on a 27 degree day. Seeing body positive movements and posts online helped her come to terms with her body and now she feels comfortable.

Body positivity doesn't always have to be about weight - it can be about skin conditions, stretchmarks, birth marks, illnesses, hair! It just means be happy with who you are and don't be ashamed of what others may think

I am a healthy weight, I eat well and exercise a bit. But I have wobbly bits and would like to be a bit slimmer/more toned.

Being body positive means appreciating my body, it's strong, it's healthy, it's carried two children. My saggy boobs or wobbly tummy are not worth any of my time worrying about or trying to be as slim as those in the media.

Doesn't mean I should be unhealthy.

Improving your health and weight is fantastic, but doesn't mean over weight people should dislike themselves or bodies for being overweight. See the positives and work on the negatives. Be kind to yourself.

So to be healthy, you have to be stick thin, gnawing carrot sticks whilst blending up a quinoa and flax seed juice? No - nobody's metabolism is the same.

Oh, for fuck'a sake. It's people like you with your snide jibes at your perception of a hethy lifestyle that put off people who are unhealthy/overweight and want to do something about it from acting on it. Clearly you've never actually had a healthy lifestyle if you think most people who manage to maintain a healthy weight are 'gnawing on carrot sticks' (nice 'rabbit food' imagery crammed in there) and blending up quinoa juices.

The insecurity reeks from a mile off (eating heartily is so unattainable, I can let myself off from making changes), but it's not helpful. It's perfectly possible to maintain a healthy weight eating run of the mill foods (not that carrot etc aren't normal foods... but I suspect you don't think they are!)

Body positivity isn't a bad thing but the snide denigration and exaggerated caricaturing of anyone who isn't overweight/obese seems to be a particularly toxic element of the movement.

"Are people really happy as a size 22, 24, 26 etc?"

Yes.

Are people truly happy when they are so disappointed by the thought of people bigger than them being happy?

I'm fat. I'm kinda doing something about it in a "wonder if it will work/i can do it " kinda way. No goal just a challenge. I have clothes i love and feel happy in, I'm fit enough to do my job properly and meh if it doesn't work it's not a big deal. I wasn't ecstatic before ,but i was fairly happy and content with who i was. Still am.

My best friend is size 10 (nearly half my weight) and she's trying too. But she's so fucking miserable... of dieting,of being fat,of being tired. She hates how she looks,she hates her clothes. And it's fucking heartbreaking. This awesome,funny,strong woman feeling so downtrodden because of a couple of kgs .

@Pebblespony no, I don't watch tv what happened to make you think that?

I thought the OP was around articles like the following that seem to be appearing more and more

We're obese but say bigger is better

I do think it's interesting the difference in public perception to different cancer risks.

Smoking and getting a sun tan are strongly discouraged and most are fairly comfortable with that message.

The public health messages around obesity which is also a proven cancer risk are much less accepted.

The winner of the Eurovision was previously fat shamed and had mentioned it in interviews. Just wondering if it had been in the media.

Isn't body positive for everyone, not just people who are 'fat'?

It's funny ....when I read these threads then go and try to fix my hair/put on make-up, the self-loathing is more palpable and I tend to feel paralyzed, shamed, embarrassed.

Precisely the feelings I need to avoid. The self-talk is coming through very very slowly. Somehow I have to try and fit that in with job-hunting, being a single parent, worrying like fuck about money, health, pensions, managing narc ex yada yada.

I remember sitting with a counsellor last September who asked me what I needed in life. I hadn't a clue how to answer her.

I'd wager a lot of people with weight issues might be just like me, used to having their boundaries ignored, being told they're wrong, missing out on love and affection from family, never mind a partner.
FML I'm in tears at how difficult this all is.

itsbritneybeach lovely well said thoughtful post. your friend I think is more beautiful for battling and winning.that makes her awesome in my eyes.couragious and she should feel gorgeous because shes a fighter.warrior. :)

Typos in my post: healthy and healthily!

sosogoodagain
I don't know what to say to make you feel better.only know that if I could I would.
you can feel better.about life.and yourself.dont give up
and your not alone.this can feel like such a mountain to get up and climb every day.but there are many other people on the mountain there too. look around your not alone.
so you wrote about all the issues your having.have you got any good bits.your toenails.a love of good books.you can draw flowrrs.you have a sunflower in your garden starting to grow.what tiny things make up the good bits.

OP, is this the first time you have tried to lose weight and succeeded? Because most people pile the weight back on. The vast majority of overweight people will also have had periods of when the weight came off and they felt better and maybe thought like you. But in the long run, it is so hard to sustain- even doctors say that for morbidly obese people, it is highly unlikely that they can lose weight long term by natural means. So bopo aims to empower those who spend every day of their lives being told that they look hideous and are not good enough. They know they are fat- they're not idiots. It's just aiming to make them realise that they can actually be happy with what they have rather than striving for something that for them is statistically very unrealistic. Also, Ashley Graham is a bad example to use. She may be overweight, but she works out a lot and appears to be healthy. Tess Munster is not healthy, but I really don't think healthy people eat themselves to her size just to emulate her. Those of her size usually have underlying reasons such as binge eating disorder. Surely it's better if they feel okay because they see people like Tess rather than feeling shitty about themselves?

@Sosogoodagain

I think it's important to remember in these discussions that people are not aiming this at you. That's the trouble with generalisations, there are always circumstances where they don't apply, where a "well done for getting out of bed this morning " is well deserved.
It applies to all kind of things...including being fat.

No one is targeting you lovely or aiming this at you ,that's your conditioning talking ... we don't know you,we can't judge you.

I'm overweight, my bmi is 26, I'm a size 14. I eat healthily and exercise as much as Fibromyalgia will allow. My blood pressure is very healthy, my good cholesterol is perfect and my bad cholesterol almost non existent (the lowest he'd ever seen according the occupational health doctor who tested me).

I struggle to lose weight because of pain any hypothyroidism. I've made a choice to live healthily and love my curves.

Last night I went out, wearing a very short dress and loving how my curves looked in it. My group of friends has women of all shapes and sizes, but we were all dressed up and having fun and telling each other how fab we looked. The women who run marathons saying they admired my curves, me admiring their defined arms, the nearly 6ft lady who looked incredibly statuesque and not afraid to wear heels that made her tower over the barman. I felt amazing, and i believe that's body positivity, not advocating we all get fat, but just treating your body well and loving who you are. I may carry extra weight, but I know I'm looking after myself too.

Counting calories and always having to be within 'allowed' calories or point limited isn't really a healthy or positive lifestyle.
Only being happy with yourself when you have always got to reach a set exercise goal isn't really a healthy or positive lifestyle either.

Positive health is all about balance. Just knowing what you should and shouldn't be doing, and making gentle adjustments to your way of life ought to be what we do. Not counting and recording everything.

I am doing the former at the moment - everything is pointed and recorded. But it's not actually a good way to live. It will get me the results I want, at least temporarily, but I'm not daft - it isn't really the answer! And it doesn't really do much for long term body positivity either.

Well, it works for me and I'm not daft either - most of the time. It's the 'price I pay', for want of a better phrase, to keep me the way I want me. I'm in my 50s and it does take that little bit of extra effort.

I'm not at all miserable life is way better than it was before I got to where I wanted to be

@PeakPants no it's the second time but this time I'm doing it safely and I also became veggie which makes it easier. It's hard to go over cals when eating veg.

I'd wager a lot of people with weight issues might be just like me, used to having their boundaries ignored, being told they're wrong, missing out on love and affection from family, never mind a partner.

Sosogood, thank you, that’s me too. When you’ve had very little affection in your life food is sometimes the only thing that gives comfort.

No real advice or help to give, just wanted to say you’re not alone.

You are doing that holier than thou puh pth yuck yucky yuck eulogising about diet that ex smokers do about cigarettes and smoking.

Makes you sound like a right knobber.

I’m veggie and a size 18. It’s definitely possible to eat too many vegetables (and cheese... and chocolate...etc)

@SaltyPeanut that's your opinion. Have you ever worked in bariatric care because that is also a factor in me getting healthy. The long term affects of being unhealthy is quite scary.

@kateandme @rebelrogue

Thank you for your kind posts. I know the points aren't directed at me personally...I suppose I'm just trying to demonstrate the trauma that can lead to weight gain (am sure you're aware of these too..not saying I have a monopoly)

I struggle to find the good bits, they are so few... I just can't get the space to breathe...I keep getting rejected/knocked back etc. I know that's my fault too...I must be giving off dreadful vibes.

I'm sure I will get there, though. Perhaps resilience and persistence will do for starters.

Apologies for derail

It's easy if you calorie count and stay under what you have burned.