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Original poster

Not to want to live past my 80s

164 replies

Echobelly · 13/05/2018 09:42

My granddad has been lucky to have relatively good health, but since turning 90 things are so hard for him, again even with relatively good health for his age. He can't commit 100% to a lot of things as some days he's just not up to anything, it's hard for him to enjoy holidays like he used to as he can hardly walk anywhere. I feel really sad to see him living like this - I wouldn't want to. And I know I'm not going to be one of those 90+ years old doing yoga or whatever, as I have a joint problem so my mobility's probably going to be shot relatively early. I think I 'd rather go by my mid-80s thanks.

OP posts:
The80sweregreat · 13/05/2018 17:51

Aging is awful.
Like cherry it hangs over me as I had older parents when I was born and seen too much suffering. I do believe it’s money that is keeping the status quo though.

crayoladreamz · 13/05/2018 17:54

@vq1970 no not me, I’m very pro.

I know not that many people answered the polls but isn’t that the same with all polls and then you sort of assume the data is representative of the whole population. Even with a margin for error it’s still going to be mostly pro people.

The problem is too many of the deputies are religious.

The80sweregreat · 13/05/2018 17:57

Needs a referendum on it. I believe it would be a resounding yes to having a Uk clinic.
Lots of people are religious too so they would vote no I guess. It would br an interesting debate - I would love to think s big turn out too.
Will never happen.

expatinscotland · 13/05/2018 18:01

I don't want to live so long without DD1. So sick of this already. Fuck dragging it out. YANBU

School12345 · 13/05/2018 18:06

I hate the idea of people feeling they ought to ease the burden on their relatives by doing themselves in. Family begrudgingly visiting you in the care home wondering why grandma won't do the decent thing and take herself off to the clinic.

School12345 · 13/05/2018 18:09

Reading the posts on here, there is a strong sense that if you can't attend to your personal needs and have to rely on others then your time is up. Don't kid me people who hold these views wouldn't gently pressure their ageing relatives to think the same way.

It's open to great abuse.

NewYearNewMe18 · 13/05/2018 18:10

When your body has failed and your mind has followed it, I'm not seeing the point of vegging in a bed in a care home, being rolled to avoid pressure ulcers, for 15 -20 years, not stimulus, nothing to enjoy, not able to effectively communicate.

I never want to be a drain on taxes.

The80sweregreat · 13/05/2018 18:10

School - a living will might be a way to stop that sort of thinking .
I see your point and its probably why the UK govt won’t consider it. I can see both sides and it could be open to abuse of course. It’s a dilemma.

The80sweregreat · 13/05/2018 18:13

Nothing would convince my mum and dad to do anything he didn’t want. In a living will he wouldn’t agree to it - others would do the opposite. It would take planning but this could be an option to stop abuse and relatives ‘talking ‘people into it?

alphajuliet123 · 13/05/2018 18:14

We have a running joke in our family that if you get to 88 your birthday present will be a one way ticket to Switzerland. This came about after my dear gran got to 94 having spent the last few years lying in a care home not knowing who anyone was, weighing 5 stone, and wearing nappies.

I think it was a Jack Dee sketch went something like this, so true:

---My mate told me if I go to the gym and eat more healthily I'll live 10 years longer
---Yes, but it's the last 10 years when you're just dribbling and pissing yourself.

Hoping by the time my time comes assisted suicide will be legal and commonplace. As a nation we are going to have a HUGE problem if we don't do something about it, an ageing population with the issues that entails just doesn't bear thinking about.

pigsDOfly · 13/05/2018 18:14

I don't think it would happen here either.

I think too many people are made uncomfortable by the idea of death and, of course, the argument that it will be open to abuse and old people will be bumped off left right and centre; highly unlikely, I would have thought, and it's never made clear exactly who is going be tempted to kill all these old people, but it's an argument that's always put forward when this topic comes up.

SaucyJack · 13/05/2018 18:14

I think it's the attitude of the medical profession that needs to change. There comes a point- varying ages for each of us- where treatment becomes about prolonging quantity of life, over quality.

My Grandad takes umpteen pills a day to keep him alive because the GP has told him to, but he can't walk, he can't hear, he can't remember who any of us are, and his awareness has deteriorated to the point that he doesn't even notice or care that he suffers from incontinence. It's not the end of life we want for him. As the PP said, if he was a dog we'd take him to the vet and do the humane thing.

The80sweregreat · 13/05/2018 18:16

Alpha , we already have a problem. Councils can’t cope with the costs of fees to keep people alive ( some of which don’t want to be ) but it’s such a huge subject and nobody has the answers. Everyone has different views as well or just doesn’t think about it.

pigsDOfly · 13/05/2018 18:21

Ah just seen, the open to abuse argument has been put forward already.

No healthy person is going to be pressured into agreeing to die. Personally, once I get past having any quality of life at all, I don't want to live, and would be happy to write a living will to that effect.

The80sweregreat · 13/05/2018 18:21

Pigs- I’m all for it myself regardless- but if there were a few clinics open I’m sure a few relatives would be having ‘conversations ‘ with the person about going there ‘ for the best’ Money is a great motivator for some people and this is one of its biggest flaws- human nature ( or the worst of it!)even if it was because people don’t want them to suffer and it’s not motivated by anything but love. How would you know though? It would have to be policed and also - if you have dementia- you wouldn’t be able to agree to it yourself anyway.

TheDeuteragonist · 13/05/2018 18:33

My grandad is 90 this year and is very independent. If I aged like him, I would be happy to live forever.

That being said, I wouldn't want to age 'badly' but age isn't always the decided factor for that. My grandmother had Alzheimer's and died in her 70s. At the end she was just a shell, which was horrendous. I'd rather die before I couldn't look after myself but unfortunately that's not a choice you can time easily.

pigsDOfly · 13/05/2018 18:34

The80s I suppose any system of this sort is open to abuse, people murder people for money so I suppose getting granny to go a bit quicker than she might otherwise so they can get their grubby paws on her savings might be a motivation for some people. But I'm not sure, if the whole procedure was properly ring fenced, that that would be able to happen on a regular basis - is there a huge increase in the deaths of old people in Switzerland since they introduced it there?

In the case of dementia obviously you wouldn't be able to agree so maybe that's where the living will comes in that we could all write while we'll still able to.

It's not an easy thing, that's for sure.

Accountant222 · 13/05/2018 18:36

70 will do me

The80sweregreat · 13/05/2018 18:41

Pigs - I agree.
I think that a clinic in the UK would be great.
People who have advanced cancer can refuse treatment so they can control it a bit ( if they wish) dementia and other mental health conditions are harder to police of course. Doctors will not sign you off as life is sacred. That’s what needs to change I guess.

pigsDOfly · 13/05/2018 18:43

Nooooo Accountant222 I'm 70 in six months and I'm full of beans, loving life at the moment and very happy.

AnnabelleLecter · 13/05/2018 18:45

I want to live to the age that I can still do everything I want to independently, whatever age that maybe. I would hate to have to depend on others and wouldn't want either DH or DC or carers to look after me in any way. I've done loads with my life already and will continue with my bucket list for as long as possible.

pigsDOfly · 13/05/2018 18:46

The80. Yes the idea that life is sacred is all very well if it has some quality if not, then perhaps it not so sacred. You're right, that's the attitude that needs to change.

trixymalixy · 13/05/2018 18:50

There are a couple of amazing ladies I play tennis with sometimes at my tennis club who are in their 80s.

While I agree that I wouldn’t want to live if life became unbearable, you shouldn’t put an age limit on it. Everyone is different.

pigsDOfly · 13/05/2018 18:51

My exh DM was nearly 102 when she died. Up until about 6 or 9 months before she died she loved her life.

She was admitted to hospital with some unexplained internal bleeding and went to sleep one night and didn't wake up.

Now that's how everyone should die.

VQ1970 · 13/05/2018 18:56

I agree that you can’t put an age limit on it, it very much depends on the person and their quality of life. I don’t want someone looking after me, cleaning up after me, turning me to prevent bed sores, feeding me drugs to try and control the pain (which I’ve seen from experience don’t always work). If I get to that stage whether I am 60 or 90, don’t keep me alive. It serves no purpose.

I would hope that checks and balances would be put in place to prevent abuse.