Not to want to live past my 80s

[Echobelly]

My granddad has been lucky to have relatively good health, but since turning 90 things are so hard for him, again even with relatively good health for his age. He can't commit 100% to a lot of things as some days he's just not up to anything, it's hard for him to enjoy holidays like he used to as he can hardly walk anywhere. I feel really sad to see him living like this - I wouldn't want to. And I know I'm not going to be one of those 90+ years old doing yoga or whatever, as I have a joint problem so my mobility's probably going to be shot relatively early. I think I 'd rather go by my mid-80s thanks.

totally agree, i said it to my fil who is 92 and he was a bit affronted by it - ' what will you do then 80s eh?' good question.
Specialist clinics are expensive and you need to have a terminal illness and not in this country either! my dad wasnt too bad up to a few years ago , dementia has taken his soul away and he will end up in a care home, where he really does not want to be and hate me and my siblings forever. i would hate for my children to have this burden too. I have been to a few care homes recently, the staff are doing their best, but to end up as those people were makes me shudder. i hate it all and would rather just die quietly and peacefully myself if i get like it, but i dont have that right in this country as it stands.

Assisted dying would have to be regulated a lot though. This is probably why any governments are not keen on the idea!

@The80sweregreat Guernsey is debating it right now. The chief minister is in favour as are about 90% of the electorate if the polls are correct.

Yep agree I've worked in a nursing home and in the Nhs and I absolutely do not want to be elderly lonely and frail. Living into my late 80's or longer holds no appeal to me whatsoever.

Its so sad , we went to look at a few homes for my dad and all one lady kept saying was ' have you come to take me home dear'? it was heartbreaking yet people are being kept alive who would, i think, rather not be, but you cant say anything as it sounds harsh and cruel to say this and its all 'gods will' and so on. my dad has altered beyond belief and is terrified of leaving his home. I am in despair over it all as are many many people are. i wouldnt want to live like it,

There’s no expiry date on quality of life. The truth is if you take care of yourself the majority of ‘age related illnesses’ don’t happen, which is why wealthy people who take their health seriously live longer and better quality lives.

My dad really took care of himself , not overweight , didnt drink or smoke, walked everywhere and was physically fit up till a few years ago and is now 96.
been retired for years having my mum and us run around after him. hasnt stopped him having mixed dementia and alzheimers though! that is an age related illness, in his case at least.

As long as my mind is still OK I am more than happy to live beyond 90.

Its such a controversial subject and i can see why governments do not want to police it as some people will ' persuade ' someone to go ahead and die when there isnt any need, probably motivated by money at times too, so i can see both sides. it would need a ton of red tape to be done properly.

You can age in all sorts of ways, it's impossible to say.

I know 90 year olds who live independently. Some are happy, some are miserable. I suspect that's personality as much as anything.

I know people in their 70s and 80s who struggle with pain and mobility. Again some struggle but are still completely engaged with the world, some find living very hard.

I know some dementia sufferers who are confused and anxious the whole time, some who live quite happily in their own world.

I think your mental health is as important as your physical health.

So long as my mental health is good and I have compassionate people to help me when I need it I will take every day I'm given and be grateful for it.

But I know good mental health support and respectful, kind and generous care is often incredibly hard to find so I will have to be very lucky, or win the lottery in the next few years.

forall, i agree, but once the ' mind ' goes then some people cant make any decisions for them selves and the law is to keep people alive, even if they dont really want to be or would not want to live like it at all.

I think it’s a valid thought process, my mum worked in aged care for ages and used to tell me she wanted a hitman for her 60th birthday because she just didn’t want to get “old”, she turns 59 in a few weeks and I bet if I asked her she will have changed her mind. My dad has been carrying on since he turned 40 that he’ll “be dead soon” because all the men in his family died in their early 50s and he’s just turned 60.

It’s all personal circumstance and health etc. I do think people, especially the elderly and unwell, should have the choice to assisted death through.

Agree. That said my dp's gd is in his 90's and still lives in his house. However he's reliant on family members to come and visit, take him shopping and do the garden. He's doing well for his age in the sense he can still do basic self care, but it seems so lonely and dare I say it, boring.

I hope if I get to that age I am still able to work my way round an Xbox controller

So all the Ill or frail or those with life limitting conditions, children, teens, your adults, middle age people, should they be wishing themselves dead too? My grandmother bravely fought asbestos cancer and lost in her late 80s. She would have loved longer. My Dad in his 70s puts younger people to shame. Fitter than most.

If you go into old age with such a pessimistic and defeatist attitude, it won't be great no matter 'what cards you have been dealt'.

So just as I'd hit post on that last update, she phoned and said - "thanks for the message. I felt our fridays have been robbed since you moved and I don't like change. You know what I'm like, I went into a mood" so I asked what she was going to do then and she said she didn't know as she doesn't like getting the bus and feeling out of her comfort zone. I mean for crying out loud she is a GROWN woman!!

Anyway I said well it's what I've always had to do as I don't drive, and she needs to do the same. She's not said whether she will or she won't. Just left it hanging in the air really.

By all accounts, people are happier and more content as they age so this thread certainly flies in the face of that!

My mum is (luckily still active) in her mid-70s and she does say things seem different to her now and she has gained more perspective. She is more content

Having seen what a massive stroke has done to my beloved mother, with constant nerve pain and paralysis, I now have a cold dread of it all. I too will be checking myself out if and when necessary, and I have told people this. They all feel the same way. And if it was possible I would absolutely help my mum to die.

Fack wrong thread sorry

dementia isn’t treated as a disease - my dad has it but always looked after himself. If he goes into care he will have to pay for it all till he is down to his last 20 k ( so about a year) if he had cancer from drinking or smoking he would probably end up in a nursing home which is paid for. It’s one case but so common! Look after yourself ( as we’re told to do every day) but still become ill with something like Alzheimer’s etc then penalised for it ( if you have a house or savings etc) of course not all other diseases are caused by bad lifestyles - I’m not saying that at all - but millions of us might end up with problems with our mental health and that is treated differently.

Haverhill - well said but the law says that we can’t do this! Its needs to be debated but governments always vote against euthanasia

should they be wishing themselves dead too?

No ones talking about what others should do. We are discussing our own personal feelings on the matter.

I read about a 105 year old who went to dignitas as he had just had enough and wanted to die

That said my family seems to have a few that lived well and died pretty fast in their 80s

My 84 year FIL old just complains it’s quite funny

‘I am old . It’s shit . I used to be young and handsome and now I am an old tired man’

I am investing a lot of effort into my diet , exercise and cutting the bad stuff for this very reason

Unless I get cancer early

How many people say ' dont let me end up like such and such' ' finish me off' etc and probably mean it too. but we can't, for loads of other reasons. there isnt any answers to any of it.

I want to live as long as possible, even if my health isn't 100%
I want to see my children and hopefully grandchildren for as long as I can, this would be what would keep me going.
When I'm 80 my youngest would only be 37

duchy
The truth is if you take care of yourself the majority of ‘age related illnesses’ don’t happen, which is why wealthy people who take their health seriously live longer and better quality lives.
this is such a sweeping statement.
someone can take great care of themselves and still succumb to dementia/stroke/cancer. Being wealthy helps but a lot of it is down to luck/genetics. Think of all the rich and famous people who die youngish. And there are ordinary, dare I say working class, people who live into their 90s.
Age related illnesses are no respecter of the size of your bank balance or how many trips you have made to the gym.