Not to want to live past my 80s

[Echobelly]

My granddad has been lucky to have relatively good health, but since turning 90 things are so hard for him, again even with relatively good health for his age. He can't commit 100% to a lot of things as some days he's just not up to anything, it's hard for him to enjoy holidays like he used to as he can hardly walk anywhere. I feel really sad to see him living like this - I wouldn't want to. And I know I'm not going to be one of those 90+ years old doing yoga or whatever, as I have a joint problem so my mobility's probably going to be shot relatively early. I think I 'd rather go by my mid-80s thanks.

I agree ... I don't want a funeral either, horrible morbid upsetting things IMO, burn me and scatter me at sea, no fuss

It is easy to say "I don't want to live beyond insert age or if I get x wrong with me" when you are relatively young and fit.
Some who are elderly and or ill may want to die others may want to live for as long as they can.

The danger with assisted death is I do not trust politicians not to take advantage of this by encouraging the elderly to choose death so "they are not a burden". Cynically I can hear them now: "you can help save the nhs by choosing to die if you are over 80, why not do the right thing, don't be selfish!"

I would rather campaign for better end of life care and research into illnesses like altzimers and Parkinson's.

And yes, I have sat with close relatives dying of cancer and Parkinson's, so I can absolutely see the appeal of a clean quick end.

Better end of life care is definitely a worthwhile goal, and ncredibky important, but I don't care how good it is or how good care facilities are, there are some situations and conditions that I'd find utterly intolerable, and I want the right to die.

I've worked in care and sometimes it felt like the very opposite of csre when very elderly, ill and infirm people who had no quality of life and who actively wanted to die,were being given medications to extend their life.

I cared for my grandmother who had dementia and another very serious life limiting condition. She suffered terribly with it, and the only thing that brought her any relief was death when she developed pneumonia. I'd much rather not be here than suffer the horrors of dementia.

I wouldn't put an age limit on my own lifespan though, or anyone's. The quality of life is much more important. I befriended a 90 year old who was far more active and lively than many of the people in their 60s and 70s that I looked after. But once my health is beginning to seriously deteriorate I don't want to be here.

Our lives are finite anyway, and I'll take a lesser number of better quality of years over an extra 5-10 years or more losing everything that's important to me and makes my life worth living.

I don't think there's an age for it, my Dad was 91 and had delighted in organising his 90th birthday party, spent at least a week a month travelling the country visiting friends, was an active member of many many organisations, and died suddenly of a heart attack, best way to go as he'd have hated to be ill and lingering for months as his 2nd wife did.

A friend of my MILs dropped dead in her 80s while playing bingo at her Conservative club. I think that was a lovely way to go. Though not so good for friends who were with her.

Popping off in mid 80s, still able to look after myself, would suit me.
Do not want ever to be a worry or a burden to my children, nor do I ever want to need help with washing myself, dressing, and 'toileting' as they like to call it - God forbid!

My greatest fear is dementia - my mother went on with it to 97 - a pitiful wreck for her last few years. The trouble with dementia is that once it's past the very early stages, because short term memory is shot, people often can't understand or accept that there's anything wrong with them.

So even if you had a stash of pills tucked away, you'd very likely have forgotten a) that you'd stashed them at all, and b) that you'd ever intended such a thing.

I have seen enough of very poor old things in care homes - my mother was in hers for nearly 8 years - to believe that (albeit with the best of intentions) far too many people with a very poor quality of life are kept alive far too long - in and out of hospital, on drips, stuffed with medication to keep them 'healthy' - even badgered and pestered to eat and drink when they no longer want to. For WHAT?????

IMO it can verge on cruelty, when people have zero dignity and such a poor quality of life, not to let nature take its course.

My Living Will says Palliative Care only, thank you - if I ever get to the stage where I can both no longer care for myself and speak for myself.

YouWereRight I've just had my 70th birthday! Honestly there's nothing different about being 70 than 40 other than being slowed down a bit, unless you suffer from ill health. I don't exercise; I eat and drink in moderation and hope that the next 10 years don't fly past as fast as the last 10 years has done.

some people are like that in their sixties. It is purely a question of how well you take care of yourself
My goodness if only it was so simple, the virtuous would live the longest, healthiest lives.

Oh yeah, my in-law are 70 and my parents approaching it and doing fine... but it all seems to go downhill very fast past a certain point for most people.

DH's grandpa died months before his 100th birthday and although (perhaps because) he had all his marbles, his last 8 years or so after his wife died were very miserable. He was physically frail, almost all his friends were dead and he was very socially isolated because his hearing had gone - he really didn't want to carry on for that long and we all agreed it that dying was a mercy for him.

I do think society will have to ask itself serious questions about quality vs quantity of life soon.

Those saying the thought of being old terrifies them, wait until you get a bit closer and it may not. When you're 30, being 50 can seem horrifying. Then suddenly you get there and realise you're still the same person and you just carry on as you were.

My own parents are close to 80 and are very active, physically and mentally. They don't seem "elderly" at all. Of course, they have been fortunate with their health and that counts for a lot.

Who can say who it will turn out for you. Look at the Queen, she's only 5 years younger than Prince Philip but looks in much better health and vitality. I'm sure she feels her life is still worth living.

I’m actually really scared of dying so I never want to die. I hope if I’m lucky enough to make it to that age I’ll be over he fear and be ‘ready.’

the*

I’m not scared of being dead, it’s only like before you were born. It’s the manner of my death that worries me.

"Lingering" is such a awful word to use about somebody living to an old age it implies to me you're staying alive longer than you really ought to, which isn't really for anyone other than the individual to say. I fear this kind of language contributes to the notion that if people are no longer healthy and fit and begin to struggle with health or need more care, it's somehow wrong for them to stay alive much longer.

I have a lot of respect for the scientist in the news recently who decided to travel to end his life at dignitas while he was still able to, in the absence of any terminal illness. I strongly believe we must be allowed to be in charge of when we decide to leave the world, and afforded the ability to do it in as pain free and dignified way as possible.

YANBU I really really dont. My husbands 16 years older than me and im a SAHM... was on minimum wage before leaving work... so not realistically going to ever earn that much even if I do eventually return to work (just about to give birth to another baby so wont be for some time)

So essentially im looking at old age spent in poverty and completely alone. I have no brothers or sisters or even any cousins.... my husbands family are not really involved in our lives and hes an only child as well anyway so they are all much older so would be dead by the time im that age...

So I think id just end up being a sad burden on my kids... or in a state funded nursing home with no visitors.

Would much rather be dead.
I am actually a member of dignitas but hope they make euthanasia legal in this country so I could die at a reasonable age in comfort surrounded by people I love....
I know thats not what everyone wants but surely people should be allowed to do that if they want?? What with the ageing population and the scaling back of social services and benefits...... I mean what is the point of keeping people who dont want to be alive alive in terrible conditions??

Op you have described my mum exactly. Since she turned 90 she has a lot of pain in her joints and can't get around that much. Her mind is still very sharp and she has an amazing memory but her body is letting her down. Luckiky she has a big family so there is enough of us to care for her without outside help. I am not ready to lose her yet, I don't think I ever will be.

*luckily

Assisted dying always make me think of the film Logan's Run. I think we have to be really careful if we go down that road.

I can't afford to live past 65, so that would be a good time to go.

NameChanger22 65 is so young still though

65 is young, certainly not “old”. I think 80s is old.

My Gran died of bowel cancer at 80. I cared for her till her death. I would not wish her death on my worst enemy and I have to admit it has absolutely terrified me, I am now incredibly anxious about getting older and dying. (This was 14 years ago now so not recent to me either).

My Gran suffered with anxiety and depression her whole life and would often say she didn’t want to live anymore and yet faced with the reality of dying she clung to life relentlessly. I won’t go into the details but she was here 2 weeks longer than everyone said she should have been, in an almost vegetative state.

Getting older is just awful. I am 38 and I feel very depressed about it if I’m honest. Once you get to your 50s onwards your body is downhill all the way health wise and that prospect is dreadful.

I think we should have more choice about when we end our own lives in the Uk.

I'm 40 now and fairly optimistic for 50s and 60s, less so after that!

I agree that euthanasia is problematic and there could and probably would be pressure sometimes for people to end their lives. Maybe there should just be more about intervening less/palliative care only if people would prefer that once they are frail or have dementia.

Assisted dying always make me think of the film Logan's Run. I think we have to be really careful if we go down that road.

Or Soylent Green come to that.