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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get on the plane ?

148 replies

BrightonCalling · 13/05/2018 06:05

I have an awful hangover and also had a massive argument with dp last night. Feel like shit physically and mentally. Supposed to be going to see my parents for a week and getting flight this afternoon but have to get a tram, bus then train to the airport first.

Have seen i can get another flight tomorrow for 20 quid...

Should i go today or tomorrow? I feel guilty if i postpone but im not sure i can even walk straight

OP posts:
chocatoo · 13/05/2018 10:47

Well done. Use your week to reflect and plan. Enjoy being with your folks!

Original poster
BrightonCalling · 13/05/2018 10:54

@higgyyellow
You think?

I just dont know. I "kicked off" at about 11pm, id spent the 4 hours chatting to his mum, sister, cousins etc and barely saw him. Before we left the house that evening i had said twice that i didnt want to stay as long as we usually do because of having to travel today and he agreed. God it was so embarrassing, his sister had to console me outside and she told me i wasnt being unreasonable, that he had always had this weird thing with past partners where he put distance between them at family events despite being really warm and loving at home.
Anyway, me and him patched things up then at around 11, but proceeded to stay for another 4 hours.
I just dunno. But i feel embarrassed and guilty. Its true alcohol exacerbates my feelings but the feelings are there in the first place.

OP posts:
Mxyzptlk · 13/05/2018 10:57

He told me it was just a few drinks in the early evening, so we arrived at 7.30 but then didnt leave til 3.30

So he lied to you about what the party was, then complained because you didn't like it.
That's being selfish, not being a nice guy.

diddl · 13/05/2018 10:58

I agree with higgyyellow-he took no notice of what would have been a compromise for your sake, just did what he always does.

What good points does he have to make this worth putting up with?

notsohippychick · 13/05/2018 11:01

Darling it sounds like you have a few drinks and get all emotional about things that are bothering you. I used to do this all the time. Drink to chill out, de stress but ultimately the emotions spill over somewhere during the night.

I’m an arsehole when I drink. I no longer drink!

What I’m saying is, don’t beat yourself up. Learn from it and perhaps when you are feeling vulnerable or agitated, leave the drink alone. It’s hard when others are drinking but you have to ask the question- is it worth it?

For me? No. It wasn’t. It cost me a lot of dignity and self respect.

Take care of yourself today x

UserV · 13/05/2018 11:02

I hope you feel better soon, but what were you thinking, getting pissed on the night before you knew you were going away/getting a plane etc?! Confused

As it's just booze that's making you feel shit, you will feel better as the day progresses. Get a bottle or can of blue charge/red bull or something; try and alleviate the hangover!

Mxyzptlk · 13/05/2018 11:05

Im worried that he said it happens every time past 2 or 3 drinks, he said it was like suddenly i start blowing my emotions out of proportion and he actually feels apprehensive because he knows ots coming. Thats not good os it?

He's trying to make it all about you, whereas actually it's his behaviour that is upsetting you.
(It's upsetting me just to read about it, and I'm totally sober.)

Original poster
BrightonCalling · 13/05/2018 11:14

@Mxyzptlk
I think hes just trying to enjoy his night etc but the thing is we're there as a team - i dont feel my job is just to ensure he has a good night you know? I should also be having the night that i want for myself too. And that means spending more time with him over the course of the evening and maybe not always leaving at 3am. Thats what i wanted to express but the drink made it a mess.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 13/05/2018 11:16

I seriously can't believe some of these posts.

If a bloke had 3 drinks and his behaviour changed for the worse then everybody would quite rightly be saying he needs to sort it. Under no circumstances would his DP get the blame for making him go to a family event, or talking to her family, or staying more than a couple of hours. OP has already said she wasn't forced into going and she could easily work the room. She chose to drink to much and she should be told that it is unacceptable as her drinking obviously has a bad effect on her after a relatively small amount. That is not her DPs fault

Mxyzptlk · 13/05/2018 11:17

Have a think about it and then explain it to him when you're both sober.
If he still doesn't get it, or says he does then acts the same, that's really not good.

UserV · 13/05/2018 11:17

Agree with @sweeneytoddsrazor ^

Original poster
BrightonCalling · 13/05/2018 11:22

@sweeneytoddsrazor
Yes in part I do agree

OP posts:
Stormy76 · 13/05/2018 11:27

Well perhaps next time take a taxi home when you have become bored at one of these parties. It sounds like that's what happened, you worked the room and he was still off entertaining himself with his cousins and you got bored and drunk. You don't have to go along if you don't want to and you don't have to stay longer than you want to.

At least you are going to have a break away with your parents and you can think about how you can both do things differently in the future.

AornisHades · 13/05/2018 11:31

Have you posted before about him refusing to move from his rural area? Either he's the man who needs a garage for his bike and/or wants to work abroad for a year?

Original poster
BrightonCalling · 13/05/2018 11:36

@AornisHades
Yes under a different name I think! Garage for bike (which we got btw), but nothing to do with working abroad for a year, that must be a different poster

OP posts:
eggncress · 13/05/2018 11:53

It sounds as if there us a pattern here.... you say you were the last to leave again and he abandons you at family gatherings.
Take this as a lesson and next time don’t go.
You do have a choice ...just say no for a change!
You say you are there as a team ... but he just buggers off and leaves you ! ( what kind of team is that ?)
Although you have ultimate responsibility for your actions ( you went along and you drank) , he also knew that you had travel plans for today and would have consciously decided to disregard that fact which shows lack of respect and concern for you !
You didn’t ruin his night out by the way...he may be happy for you to think this way but he lied about it in the first place.

AornisHades · 13/05/2018 11:55

There's two of you with home town men then :)
It does sound like you're compromising too much and a few drinks is letting the frustration out. Does he understand that? He gets his house with a garage and his family on hand but in return he gets someone who is masking their frustration. You could never drink again. That's a compromise again. It's all about you bending to meet his wants.
Anyway, hope you get on the plane without feeling too awful. Try and eat some chips at the airport and drink plenty of water. Have a sleep on the flight.

Gemini69 · 13/05/2018 11:57

your Partner is selfish ... I'm glad your on route to your family go together... out of interest why isn't your Partner joining you?

Original poster
BrightonCalling · 13/05/2018 12:06

@Gemini69
On coach now and feeling better!
Well....he works long hours SE and only takes a day off a week so tricky to get him over to see my family. But maybe that also c0mes into it, being at these family things and knowig he still hasnt met my lot.
@AornisHades
Well aint that the truth! I think he does understand on an abstract level. But hes never experienced it, so i dont think he truly gets it.
Starving now which must be a good sign. Im glad i got moving as staying wouldprobably have made me feel worse.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 13/05/2018 12:12

Well that's interesting lovely... and you should think on it.. he gets annual leave etc... it works both ways.. you are more than dedicated to his family outings.. but he's not giving you the same respect in that dept... enjoy your break Flowers

TanteRose · 13/05/2018 12:15

Oh I'm glad you've cracked on with your day! Have a good trip Smile

Whattheactualfuckmate · 13/05/2018 12:17

I hear you ! I drank dh family do interesting after he ‘socialised’ and that why I don’t go any more!

Glad you got your arse up! Worse thing to do is roll around in bed dying !

Have a good trip Grin

Tringley · 13/05/2018 12:26

I'm very glad you are on your way. Tbh, your post set a lot of alarm bells ringing for me. There are people out there, men and women, who just always, always start an argument with their partner before their partner goes somewhere without them. The end result is that the partner either doesn't go after all as they want to make up the row or they go but the row puts a dampener on the whole thing and they are just that bit less likely to go out again. They might even outwardly encourage you to have an independent social life and complain that you don't have one, but whenever it comes to actually doing something solo, even something as innocuous as visiting your family, they will find some (completely different) reason for a row and ruin it for you.

Original poster
BrightonCalling · 13/05/2018 14:58

@Tringley
I dont think its that complex tringley. I think he was having a good time (got drunk himself and yes, then drove) and was just enjoying himself and didnt want to leave. Maybe i didnt force the wanting to leave early ish aspect hard enough. Or i guess i could have just asked him outright to go at midnight. But i didnt want to "nag" him away from his family shindig.

Btw originally it WAS just supposed to be early drinks, but things slipped on.

OP posts:
AornisHades · 13/05/2018 15:02

You aren't painting him in a good light especially with that latest revelation Brighton.