To ask WWYD as I am so stuck with this

[ificouldwritealettertome]

I'll try to be concise but don't want to drip feed. Me and DH have one DC, would love another sooner rather than later. Currently renting, but would like to buy before TTC so we are set up and financially sorted.

Money is tight- DH covers the rent and bills with very little left over and I cover the food shop, baby milk/clothes whatever we need. I'm a waitress on NMW and just about have enough money for these.

We have just under a 5% deposit for a 2 bed house in the area we live in. Our budget would not allow for a 3 bed, but of course we will need a 3 bed for our 2nd DC. So We would have to build an extension on the 2 bed (financially doable as we have friends/family in the building and carpentry trade and would have help).

Starting now, to secure a mortgage, we would have to reduce our monthly spending (even smaller food shops, etc) for at least 3 months and I would have to up my hours at work so that our pay slips look better and we save up the rest of our deposit. I am currently doing 30 hours and DD is only just 8 months so that will be hard.

We would see very little of each other as a family and money would be extremely tight, we have already cancelled things like Sky and have changed energy providers to the cheapest tariff, etc so our bills are as low as physically possible.

If we get denied a mortgage, we will be applying for social housing as we can not afford to rent a 3 bed and our current place is absolutely tiny. My question is, AIBU to think about jusy going for social housing straight away?

We are already struggling financially and I don't know how many more hours at work I can take. I am exhausted. I already miss the baby and am looking forward to a sibling for her but, realistically, if we buy it would be a couple of years to extend by the time we have completed the sale, applied for planning permission and built it.

I feel as though we may go through all the stress of applying for a mortgage and get denied anyway as we do not have much money and will only have a 5% deposit. Should we push for a house that we own, which is something we both really want, or just accept that it is too ambitious for us and apply for affordable housing? WWYD?

I would see what mortgage you can get. Then go and look at houses in different areas, you may well change your mind when you are standing in a bigger house somewhere different. Or you may decide you would prefer the smaller house in the area you want.
Or you could go back into management and get a bigger house in the area you want.

All options involve compromising somewhere, only you can decide where you want to compromise.

At the moment you NEED 2 bedrooms (one for you and DP, and one for DC). Think of a) what you need and b) what you can currently afford as the prime factors in your search.

You can buy a house for your current needs and say in 5 years time review your situation and sell up and move on then.

we have just bought so thought I might be able to help we made just over 1000 in solicitors fees and about another 600 in fees/ surveys. So you would need some extra for these. If you apply for social housing you would only get the 2 bedrooms I believe where we are that's how it works. My husband has 2 brothers and 1 sister and all the boys had to share until they left home. If you do get a mortgage i would put off the second child for a little while to get your savings up as obviously if anything goes wrong in the house you have to pay for it yourself. Good luck with whatever you decide

basta that response was to myfriendbob. I didn't see her most recent post, it got deleted before I read it. But the family time means me, her and my DH together which we won't get if I up my hours.

the OP wants to live in the Cotswolds, on waitressing wages working 30 hours a week, doesn’t want to consider another job, wants to have a second child and for her children to have their own bedrooms from the get go.

I don't want to live in the Cotswolds. It's boring as hell here. I went to uni in Newcastle and I loved it. But my DH actually has a good job here. All the GPs do a days childcare each for free- that is why we can't afford to move. Whatever we would save on housing costs we would lose in childcare costs.

It's not that I have an answer for everything, it's just that I've already thought of everything, and the two options above were the ones I came up with. It looks like saving hard and trying to buy is the best one to try for.

Also thanks you TheHandmaidsTail, I knew AIBU was for straight talking advice but it seems like an opportunity for some posters to tear into people relentlessly which just isn't needed. You would never treat people like this IRL

Also, I find it odd that people seem to feel they have a "right" to have as many children as they want Christ alive.

I don't feel I have a right. I just want to have another baby. What an asshole I must be! I'm not posting a picture of my BFP and asking for advice on benefits- I'm asking for help to improve our housing situation before TTC.

I find it odd that people seem to feel they have a "right" to tell others how many kids they can have.

OP, whether you ultimately decide to rent or buy, your family will be absolutely fine with a two-bedroom house for quite a few years to come— just get some bunk-beds for the children. They'll love it!

You're right huffin what kid doesn't love bunk beds!?

Have you asked about shared ownership?

Well it seems you’re determined to live somewhere ‘boring as hell’ (your words) just to get free childcare off the the grandparents

Also as a graduate, couldn’t you do something more lucrative than waitressing? Honestly in your position I would move somewhere more vibrant and cheaper. Seems crazy to live somewhere expensive that you don’t even like just to save the (temporary) expense of childcare. You get free hours when the child is 3 nowadays too.

Momo27, I'm not a graduate. I failed my degree despite trying really, really hard. I am not particularly bright, ok? Being a waitress is the only job I have ever been able to do. I am friendly, chatty and like people. I love my job, even if it doesn't pay well.

Yes, I need free childcare. My DH has been in his job 8 years, is doing well and doesn't want to move. I do find the Cotswolds boring- poor public transport and very expensive but it is home to us and our families.

Now, are there any other areas of my life you would like to criticise? Or are you happy with the assumptions you have made that I am a lazy, entitled graduate who desires a fancy Country Living life that I don't want to work for?

You sound quite entitled actually. Social housing is for people who need it not people with 5% of deposit to buy a house.

In previous posts I've mentioned several times that I believed you could rent directly from the council as opposed to privately as it would be cheaper. My parents did before I was born. It wasn't a 'needs must' for them (or anyone else) it was just more affordable than private. I have never looked into it before so didn't know I was wrong.

Until maternity I've worked 12-14 hour shifts, on my feet all day. Lived within my means, never expected anything more than what I've worked to afford.

Ok I do think some of the responses have maybe been a bit harsh, albeit true.

Op. Social housing usually has very long wait lists. Demand outstrips supply. There are not enough homes. And so people are prioritised based on need. That need is not defined as I want a second child and can't afford a bigger house, but that need is defined as things like we are homeless, being evicted kind of thing, you're not in that boat.

Bottom line is right now you cannot afford a second child. Not easily. You will be financially responsible for providing for any children you have, be that food or shelter.

As such, take a couple of years and get yourselves in a more secure financial situation, then consider TTc. Enjoy your baby now.

If and when you do have another child, understand that you cannot provide for them the lifestyle you envisage and the government won't do it for you. That's not how it works. Plenty of kids share rooms.

If accept any children you have are you and uour partners financial responsibility, inc food and shelter, then it's easier to adjust your expectations.

I haven't read the whole thread but I you are not BU to plan your future and consider the best way forward. I would say try to buy a house as soon as possible, it will always be for the best in terms of investment. And more importantly you will get a better mortgage offer with only one dependant. If you have two children when you apply you may not get a mortgage at all. So go for it now! Also lock in your interest rate Asap while they are so low.good luck!

It wasn't a 'needs must' for them (or anyone else) it was just more affordable than private

Although times have changed with the right to buy scheme depleting social housing stock, I strongly suspect there is something your parents are not telling you. It was almost certainly need for them. I'm sorry.

Thank you wrongway that's really helpful! I didn't know that interest rates were that low at the moment. MN was my first stop for advice before pursuing anything so I am going to a mortgage advisor next to discuss our finances and see what we can realistically afford.

I suppose you could see what’s on offer, social housing wise in your area before you commit to buying anything. I don’t know what the situation is in the Cotswolds but here in London the waiting list for a three bed house is something like 23 years! In your position I would try to buy a two bed and extend, as you planned.

If you haven’t done so already, make sure you open two “help to buy” ISAs and drip feed your deposit into them. If you save £24k I think they give you an extra £6k for free, that would help towards your extension. Also there’s a scheme where you can transfer some of your tax free allowance to your DH. It’s just a few hundred but all helps.

Although times have changed with the right to buy scheme depleting social housing stock, I strongly suspect there is something your parents are not telling you. It was almost certainly need for them. I'm sorry.

Oh, right. Well perhaps that's why I'm wrong about what I thought social housing was then.

I think I would aim for the mortgage and a family home where you can stay longer term. I know you said an extension would take a couple of years for a 3rd bedroom but with some time TTC, 9 months pregnancy plus baby in your room for 6 months the extension might be done! Though could it be done with DC2 already here or would the upheaval be too
much? Good luck OP!

Thank you barley that's a good point about the time to build the extension!

People are being harsh imo. If you are considering having another with a baby 8 months old, you must be coping pretty well! If the second bedroom fits a bunk bed then it's big enough. My kids like sharing. We will save for a loft conversion for when they reach teens.
Maybe consider your future career options. You enjoy your job, but do sound bright and could achieve more in the long run?
I spaced my kids 3 years apart to avoid having 2 in childcare. But sounds like you have gp help so maybe not an issue.

If you are in a pretty area like the Cotswolds are you confident you’d get planning permission for an extension? Do any of the neighbours have one for example?

cotton thank you so much! I really appreciated your kind post.

DrWhy I hadn't thought about that...

Continue renting and saving, and go for a mortgage in a few years.