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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask WWYD as I am so stuck with this

236 replies

ificouldwritealettertome · 12/05/2018 12:49

I'll try to be concise but don't want to drip feed. Me and DH have one DC, would love another sooner rather than later. Currently renting, but would like to buy before TTC so we are set up and financially sorted.

Money is tight- DH covers the rent and bills with very little left over and I cover the food shop, baby milk/clothes whatever we need. I'm a waitress on NMW and just about have enough money for these.

We have just under a 5% deposit for a 2 bed house in the area we live in. Our budget would not allow for a 3 bed, but of course we will need a 3 bed for our 2nd DC. So We would have to build an extension on the 2 bed (financially doable as we have friends/family in the building and carpentry trade and would have help).

Starting now, to secure a mortgage, we would have to reduce our monthly spending (even smaller food shops, etc) for at least 3 months and I would have to up my hours at work so that our pay slips look better and we save up the rest of our deposit. I am currently doing 30 hours and DD is only just 8 months so that will be hard.

We would see very little of each other as a family and money would be extremely tight, we have already cancelled things like Sky and have changed energy providers to the cheapest tariff, etc so our bills are as low as physically possible.

If we get denied a mortgage, we will be applying for social housing as we can not afford to rent a 3 bed and our current place is absolutely tiny. My question is, AIBU to think about jusy going for social housing straight away?

We are already struggling financially and I don't know how many more hours at work I can take. I am exhausted. I already miss the baby and am looking forward to a sibling for her but, realistically, if we buy it would be a couple of years to extend by the time we have completed the sale, applied for planning permission and built it.

I feel as though we may go through all the stress of applying for a mortgage and get denied anyway as we do not have much money and will only have a 5% deposit. Should we push for a house that we own, which is something we both really want, or just accept that it is too ambitious for us and apply for affordable housing? WWYD?

OP posts:
DragonMummy1418 · 12/05/2018 14:11

You won't get social housing anyway, even kids of the same gender are expected to share until they are 10!

Your REALLY better off buying a small place so your not losing your money on rent and then move or expand in a few years.

DragonMummy1418 · 12/05/2018 14:11

Sorry, even kids who ARENT the same gender*

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 12/05/2018 14:14

I thought you could rent directly off the council and still pay for your house sorry for being wrong about that!

You're not wrong about that at all. Private rental for a two bed + boxroom terrace around here is about £750 pcm. My rent for a three bed council house is £94 a week - and the maintenance of this place is waaay better than it ever was with private landlords. I had no idea how the system worked until I had to get into it - we all have learning curves.

The problem is that demand can't keep up with supply - and every council has their own guidelines, so you might get lucky. You might not. No harm in applying though. My next door neighbours are both in full time employment, no kids, yet they've got a three bed maisonette, just like mine.

Original poster
ificouldwritealettertome · 12/05/2018 14:20

Thank you so much AnnieAnoniMouser, I was getting a bit emotional there about some of the responses! I think I came across wrong in my OP. We live in the Cotswolds so housing is expensive here but it's where the family are. I love the team I work with and the job is really good for me. I enjoy the exercise, seeing the regulars etc so I don't want to change that. A lot of the team are friends as well so my social life is tied up here too

OP posts:
Loveatthefiveanddime · 12/05/2018 14:42

I shared with my sister until I was 13 and it was really no big deal and my 8 year old daughters will be the same - possibly longer for them. It is just a fact for them, and they don't question it.
Also, factor in that when you have your second he/she will be in a room with you initially.

EssentialHummus · 12/05/2018 14:53

How old are you, OP? Is it urgent to start TTC now/soon? I have an 8 month old daughter too - maybe enjoy her a bit more rather than worrying about taking on extra hours etc. Sorry if it sounds simplistic or patronising but I'd hate for you to miss out on having enough time with the child you have unless there was a need for it.

EssentialHummus · 12/05/2018 14:55

(And FWIW DH shared a bed - not bedroom - with his DB until the latter left for the Army at 18. One is a fighter pilot and the other is a senior engineer, still on speaking terms...)

purplelass · 12/05/2018 15:07

We wanted a second child but didn't have the finances or a house big enough, so we concentrated on giving our one child the best we could.
Sometimes you just have to live within your means...

myfriendbob · 12/05/2018 15:08

Our budget would not allow for a 3 bed, but of course we will need a 3 bed for our 2nd DC

No of course about it. What are you talking about?

Inkspellme · 12/05/2018 15:14

Just a suggestion - I saw a youtube video where a couple built a bunk bed in a room but on the bottom they had a cot and the top was a bed for the older child.

I had my two share a room while we renovated a house. They shared for a couple of years and it was no problem (they are girl and a boy).

I would do my utmost for the three months to put a deposit together. It would be worth it in the long run.

Good luck

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 12/05/2018 15:20

You don’t need a 3 bed for starters

It’s tragic that people can’t afford to extend their families . Can I ask what training and career debt opps you envisage for longer term as having that hope and plan will help

Original poster
ificouldwritealettertome · 12/05/2018 15:26

No of course about it. What are you talking about? just that I would want them to have their own rooms! God!

I'm a random person online asking for advice about housing why do some people get so angry!? What are you talking about!?

OP posts:
myfriendbob · 12/05/2018 15:27

just that I would want them to have their own rooms! God!

Want is not the same as need, and there is no of course about it.
You can't afford to give them what you want.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 12/05/2018 15:28

I have two kids and a 2 bedroomed house. We'd love to do an extension but can't afford it. The dc are in bunks, we modified cut up dc1 old cot and made the drop side swing outwards as part of the bottom bunk for dc2 and it's great- she's 2.5 now and we've just taken the gate off the bed. Older dc was 4.5 when dc2 was born so just about old enough to climb up the ladder into bed. It's do-able to keep them sharing for a while though we would like to be able to give them seperate rooms eventually so that dc1 can play Lego whenever

Original poster
ificouldwritealettertome · 12/05/2018 15:58

You can't afford to give them what you want. thank you for this kind comment.

The whole point in starting this thread was to ask advice on how to best afford what we want before TTC, with the options we have available to us. I've learnt that one isn't really an option at all.

Perhaps you could learn to give relevant answers to posts and waste less of peoples time.

OP posts:
Basta · 12/05/2018 16:13

I currently do have enough time, just enough money and space for her.

Sorry if I misunderstood, but I thought you said you were already working 30 hours a week and that if you increased your hours (to earn more more money in order to afford a bigger house) you would "see very little of each other as a family." That's what I was referring to.

I find it odd that people seem to feel they have a "right" to have as many children as they want, regardless of the circumstances they will be bringing the child/ren into.

Pimpernell182 · 12/05/2018 16:15

You've got some tough decisions to make op. Something has to give.

Recognise that sharing a room, at least at first, is a) fine, and b) what you can afford right now. You'll have options down the line to move / extend.

Prioritise space for your growing family over staying in your current location and find ways around whatever challenges that throws up with ties to your specific area.

Decide that waitressing for nmw is not going to get you the lifestyle you envision and retrain / reconsider your options with a view to increasing earning power. Your dh could also do this.

Or decide that your area / your job / your friends / the image you have of the lifestyle you want to give your children are not compatible with a bigger family than you have now and make peace with being a one child family.

GinandGingerBeer · 12/05/2018 16:23

Crikey, give the op a break, she’s not being grabby, a little naive maybe that’s all.
OP have you checked you’re getting everything you’re currently entitled to?
Put your details in to ‘entitled to’ it’s really easy and will calculate if you should get any in work benefits such as housing benefit (in your current house) or working tax credit.

myfriendbob · 12/05/2018 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Dodie66 · 12/05/2018 16:33

10myear wait here for a council house.yiu probably won’t get one

TheHandmaidsTail · 12/05/2018 16:34

She's not entitled and fucking rude Angryshe's asked a reasonable question and some miserable fuckers are trying to put the boot in.

You've done nothing wrong OP ignore the dickheads

NoSquirrels · 12/05/2018 16:48

Are you saving money into a Help To Buy ISA? If not, do that! Government adds to your ‘pot’.

Are there any housing association schemes by you, or part buy part rent - that’s a good option for people in your circumstances.

Momo27 · 12/05/2018 17:03

I think some posters have been a bit harsh in their tone. But the bottom line is, the OP wants to live in the Cotswolds, on waitressing wages working 30 hours a week, doesn’t want to consider another job, wants to have a second child and for her children to have their own bedrooms from the get go. It’s not being harsh to say that, just factual.

Something has to give. Many people in higher paid roles wouldn’t be able to live in the Cotswolds, or other expensive areas, and many people move away from where their extended family live, precisely for job opportunity or for housing.

If i were OP I would write a list of ‘wants’ and prioritise them. If another child soon is your priority then something else has to give... maybe rent in a much cheaper area. If location is more important then put second child on hold

Barbie222 · 12/05/2018 17:15

Momo - great post. As a waitress / working in the hospitality field, you could look nationwide! And somebody mentioned Newcastle. Newcastle is fab, I wish I could move there.

Furano · 12/05/2018 17:29

Sooooo you only work 30 hours a week in a NMW job, and want a three bed house and you also want to live in an expensive area?

You want advice on how best to afford all this?

Work more hours. Or retrain and work in something that pays more than NMW. Or reduce your expectations in living standard.

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