To ask WWYD as I am so stuck with this

[ificouldwritealettertome]

I'll try to be concise but don't want to drip feed. Me and DH have one DC, would love another sooner rather than later. Currently renting, but would like to buy before TTC so we are set up and financially sorted.

Money is tight- DH covers the rent and bills with very little left over and I cover the food shop, baby milk/clothes whatever we need. I'm a waitress on NMW and just about have enough money for these.

We have just under a 5% deposit for a 2 bed house in the area we live in. Our budget would not allow for a 3 bed, but of course we will need a 3 bed for our 2nd DC. So We would have to build an extension on the 2 bed (financially doable as we have friends/family in the building and carpentry trade and would have help).

Starting now, to secure a mortgage, we would have to reduce our monthly spending (even smaller food shops, etc) for at least 3 months and I would have to up my hours at work so that our pay slips look better and we save up the rest of our deposit. I am currently doing 30 hours and DD is only just 8 months so that will be hard.

We would see very little of each other as a family and money would be extremely tight, we have already cancelled things like Sky and have changed energy providers to the cheapest tariff, etc so our bills are as low as physically possible.

If we get denied a mortgage, we will be applying for social housing as we can not afford to rent a 3 bed and our current place is absolutely tiny. My question is, AIBU to think about jusy going for social housing straight away?

We are already struggling financially and I don't know how many more hours at work I can take. I am exhausted. I already miss the baby and am looking forward to a sibling for her but, realistically, if we buy it would be a couple of years to extend by the time we have completed the sale, applied for planning permission and built it.

I feel as though we may go through all the stress of applying for a mortgage and get denied anyway as we do not have much money and will only have a 5% deposit. Should we push for a house that we own, which is something we both really want, or just accept that it is too ambitious for us and apply for affordable housing? WWYD?

Shared ownership, if you can.

I think you are putting yourselves under so much pressure unnecessarily ( unless you are at the end of your fertility years). Your baby is 8months, why not work hard without killing yourselves, stick to a sensible budget and have a 2 year plan? That way you get to enjoy your baby and lives and have a more realistic goal which is still within sight.

Buying a tiny property which is definitely going to be too small is a false economy. Look further afield or increase your budget. It’s not only bedrooms but living accommodation which will soon drive you mad if you are so cramped. Spend more time looking at all the options. Also, are either or both of you likely to have more earning potential and could you work towards that as part of your short to medium term plans?

It’s frustrating to wait but some things are worth waiting for. If you decide to apply for SH that’s fine but from what you say doesn’t sound as if it would offer you much more space.

We are sort of in a similar situation but own our two bed.

We have opted to wait, save more money and buy a better house.

No way would I want a second child I couldn’t afford so I think your better off waiting until your in a better position.

Probably no one will agree with me, but IMO YABU thinking of having a second child when you barely have enough time, money or space for the first one.

That was so mean and unnecessary. I currently do have enough time, just enough money and space for her. We have a really nice little life and that's why I am being cautious about the next step. To keep it nice for her.

It's morally wrong in your current situation to actively try for another child and expect to be given a three-bed house when did I ever say I was going to get pregnant for a bigger house? I've specified I need the bigger house before I get pregnant.

I was curious after reading this thread so did a quick google search and apparently Newcastle is desperate for social renters!
www.newcastle.gov.uk/housing/council-housing-and-affordable-homes/find-a-home-in-tyne-and-wear
I imagine they can’t be the only area in this situation, while I agree that many areas do have a shortage.
So yes OP, I think it depends very much on where you live.

I'd apply for the social housing AND save for a deposit. And see which one becomes available first. It's just keeping your options open that way and not committing to either. Good luck.

Thank you viques that was really helpful.

Why have you restricted your search to a 3 mile radius around your current address?

In the nicest possible way OP you need to make the right decisions for the family that you have not the daughter you are waiting for.

First off you wont get a 3 bed under social housing unless you need 3 beds (and they do count that children and share and downstairs rooms as bedrooms).

Is there scope for earning more - training up etc. Something that could earn more than waitressing - doing something else as well

We live in expensive London and our 2 DDs shared a bedroom until the older one was about 9 - did a loft conversion like everyone else we know. I know that isn’t an option available to everyone ( we had a mortgage already rather than rented ) but just to illustrate that 2 DCs doesn’t necessarily mean 3 bedrooms straight away.

"Her"? Your not yet conceived child is a girl? How do you know that!!!! honestly? I think you are having a little pipe dream here. To put it bluntly you seem to have some rather naive ideas about how housing/financial stuff works. Please do some research and be realistic about what you can afford to do.

Look at what you already have, you don't want to potentially put things at risk by making decisions that will be both emotionally stressful and possibly financially damaging.

Why have you restricted your search to a 3 mile radius around your current address? I don't drive and the hotel I work in is here.

You don't need a 3 bed for a.long time.
If you hold off ttc'ing a year, are pregnant for 9 months and keep the baby in your room in a small cot until they turn 1 its 2021 before you even need to think about a room for a second child, and by then your older child would be able to go in a top bunk. So I say go for the 2 bed house, if you're on the property ladder you will be able to move up it or extend at some point and your mortgage repayments will eventually go down whereas rent payments will only ever go up.

Surely there's no way you'd be entitled to social housing? If there's any way you could buy, then you shouldn't be even considering going to the council, plenty of people are in actual need of it and bigger properties that just aren't available.

"Her"? Your not yet conceived child is a girl? my baby is a girl... not sure when I said the future one would be a girl I'm confused where you read that?

Why the rush to have a second child when you can’t afford it?
Different scenario but same principle when we went from one to two children, over 20 years ago. We both worked and we knew as soon as we had a second child our childcare bill would double. There were no free hours back then. We had to wait til dc 1 was starting school and only needed out of hours school care so that we weren’t paying all day care for two children. We had several friends in the same position.

Ultimately if you want to stay in the area you live and you want another child you need the sums to add up

Just to confirm what everyone else is saying, the waiting lists for social housing are huge, and you won't get a 3 bed in any case. To give you some idea, DC & I were within a week of being made homeless, I'm an unemployed single mother, and we were classed as 'low need' - coming up as about 94th in line for houses we were eligible for - and this is an area where the local council is one of the biggest landlords (admittedly, a miracle* happened and we got a house after only four months on the waiting list).

I don't understand why you're putting so much pressure on yourselves. You can apply for social housing, but you'll have to accept it'll be a long wait. In the meantime, just keep building up your savings slowly, enjoy your DD, and please don't work yourself down to the bone. And YY to seeing a mortgage advisor - they will know what will suit you best.

*actually a murder. Yes. Previous tenant moved out because there was a murder next door, and oddly, no one else wanted to move in after that.

sorry! My misread. You didn't.

Is there any way to increase your income? Can you take in ironing, get some cleaning jobs? They could pay more per hour than your current job. There are grants to help people train as childminders, if you have room now you could even offer overnight care.

I suspect you are quite young and one of the generation who expect to have things that other people have (by having worked/saved to afford). Go back to your plan where you work more and sacrifice things until you can afford to buy or rent what you want

I've privately rented for 10 years, worked hard since I left school. I'm not academic and enjoy being a waitress. I was a hotel manager before I had my DD and now enjoy being a waitress again. I can't go back to management to earn more as you are required to work closes that finish really late and the hours are insane.

There's not much more we can sacrifice, we don't have holidays, don't drink or smoke, don't have a TV license or laptops or tablets or anything fancy. Not even a dishwasher or tumble dryer or anything. There's no need to judge me as a terrible lazy slob who is going to quit work, get pregnant many times and wait for the benefits to roll in!

Life is expensive, we cope well. We are happily married and good parents, we have time energy and love for our DD and would also love to have another someday, so long as we can still provide the time and energy and financial security she has to another.

My question was AIBU about housing not AIBU to get pregnant and claim benefits. I thought you could rent directly off the council and still pay for your house sorry for being wrong about that!

Could you cycle to work extending your search area?

I think you are right, especially given you have friends & family in the trade, buying an extendable two bedroom might be a good answer for you, but I’d try to extend the search area & get one with a bigger second bedroom. Irrespective of whether number 2 is a boy or a girl they can share for years.

I just remortgaged and they really weren’t worried about ‘regular spending’, they just wanted to check there weren’t any large undisclosed amounts going out regularly.

Use some of the online calculators to see how much you can borrow, you might not need to up your hours at all and if you do, it’s only for a few months.

There’s not going to be a better time than now to get on the housing ladder, so bite the bullet and crack on 😊. The security it brings us worth any small term sacrifice.

(There’s nothing wrong with not knowing how social housing works if you’ve never needed to know, ignore the nasty remarks).

I thought you could rent directly off the council and still pay for your house sorry for being wrong about that!

You aren't wrong about that, it is just harder to get that than you thought

Getting yourself on the list and looking for a mortgage keeps your options open and you may be lucky.

I bet you could find another waitressing job if you widened the area you could live in. That would be my plan. Work, save up, new job, baby in that order.
Sounds like you need a decent sized 2 bed really.
I’d always prefer to own than rent. It’s a struggle when you start out but gets cheaper as you go along.

Also, how much social housing is there in that small search area? They could well house you out of the area and you’d need to find a new job anyway.

On living near your employer, you might need to reconsider if that's the mAin factor. No, it's not ideal (see my post above about the change from my 10 minute stroll to work that has become an hour by bus) but if it widens your search area... What bus routes / train lines connect with your hotel? As a pp suggested, could you cycle? There will be cheaper areas, you would just have to break the mindset of what would work for you.

It's great that you enjoy your work and I agree taking on management roles with young dc might not be ideal for stress levels and hours. Are there any compromise situations, I.e jobs where you could use the customer service skills you have as a waitress but also earn a better wage? Life is always going to be tough on NMW.