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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this wedding arrangement is a bit odd?

153 replies

Brendobfh · 11/05/2018 16:27

I’m going to a wedding in July which is an hour away from where I live. Three of us have arranged to share a taxi there & back. All fine and I’m very pleased to be invited.

I found out today though that the church is 10 miles away from the hotel the reception’s at. I’m obviously going to try & find a local taxi firm to do the journey but it’s very rural.

Every other wedding I’ve been to where the wedding & reception are a distance away from each other has put on either a bus, asked if any guests needed to car share or at least provided some taxi information.

I had (and I accept it’s on me to check) assumed the church & reception were in walking distance since nothing has been mentioned about it. I can imagine other guests travelling to the church with no way of getting to the reception.

AIBU to think it’s a bit odd to not mention this to guests?

OP posts:
GertieMotherwell · 12/05/2018 05:45

Around these parts you organise a bus from church to reception. You don’t ask people to pay for transport

Around these parts people drive.

MargaretCavendish · 12/05/2018 05:49

I've also never been to a wedding where the ceremony and reception were driving distance apart (most of the ones I've been to they're the same venue) and no transport between. For our wedding we put on a bus for all the guests. But almost all our friends live in a city and most of them don't own cars, so everyone would always assume (as we did) that most guests would be arriving by public transport.

I did go to a wedding last year where it turned out that I (as, it would seem, the only person who had grown up rurally) was about the only guest who had predicted in advance that you wouldn't be able to get a taxi to the middle of nowhere at 1am and so pre-booked a (very expensive) one from the nearest large town. The end of the wedding was chaos as 150 very drunk, very posh Londoners simultaneously discovered that there was no Uber, or indeed any hope of getting back to the small town where we'd all booked hotel rooms, as the one 'taxi firm' in the village was in fact one guy and a car, and he couldn't really cope with the demand...

GertieMotherwell · 12/05/2018 06:00

I think people are used to ‘venue’ weddings now. If you get married in your local church, as was the norm years ago, there often isn’t anywhere within walking distance to hold a reception.

GertieMotherwell · 12/05/2018 06:02

The 10 miles is irrelevant too really. More than 2 and you still wouldn’t want to walk in your Wedding gear anyway really.

DinosApple · 12/05/2018 06:18

I have a big religious family, in fact I've only been to one civil service in a hotel in my life (out of around 15 weddings). All my friends got hitched in church too.

I've never been to a wedding with transport laid on. Or that's had a free bar after the meal. Like so many of these things it depends on the B&G budget. Bonus if it's sorted, but normal (to me) if it's not.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/05/2018 06:18

Sorry what kind of wedding is this, where most people will drive because they want to have a drink / get drunk and are pissed off with the b&g for not laying on transport? Take responsibility for yourself fgs. The combination of no food for the evening and alcohol is going to be a winning combination.

KERALA1 · 12/05/2018 06:19

Don't like these disjointed weddings so much better for guests if all in one place.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/05/2018 06:19

*will not drive

DinosApple · 12/05/2018 06:21

Sorry the relavance of the church thing is:

Drive to church, drive to venue (or walk to village hall next to it), taxi home/stay over or someone stays sober to drive back.

My own wedding reception was about a mile away from the church, a few of the men folk walked it, most of the be-healed women car shared and drove.

TSSDNCOP · 12/05/2018 06:22

Is it your expectation that the guests will be over the limit before they go to the church?

If so, yes I think that is odd to be honest.

I’d expect people to drive to the church and then onto the reception and leave cars there/stay overnight.

The original or that wanted a drink before complete by to the church are responsible for organic sing their own transport.

Note: I did actually lay on transport between church and venue for my own wedding, but only because it was convenient to us (we were loaned a bus by a guest).

Amanduh · 12/05/2018 06:23

It’s absolutely not the norm to put transport on. In about 20 weddings I’ve been to in my life, 2 have had transport.

HidCat · 12/05/2018 06:24

I've only been to one wedding with the reception in walking distance and never seen travel arranged for anyone other than bridal party for any of the other countless weddings I've been to. I'm from a rural area so reception venues are limited.

deptfordgirl · 12/05/2018 06:25

I've never been to a wedding where rhe church and reception are walking distance, especially not in rural locations where they're often very far apart. I've only been to one which has put on buses for guests and that was in London.

I would assume most people would drive to a rural location and would therefore have a car to get to the reception.

TSSDNCOP · 12/05/2018 06:26

God, my post makes it look as though I’m pissed Grin

It should read: those that wanted to drink before coming to the church are responsible for organising their own transport

londonrach · 12/05/2018 06:47

Totally normal from where i came from. Can you ask bride is anyone has a spare seat in the car.

Offthebandwagonagain · 12/05/2018 07:32

I find it odd that there won’t be any food at the evenings reception. That would piss me off if i arrived for the evening do with a gift etc and found I had to go and order a pub meal in another building if I wanted to eat

Shrodingerslion · 12/05/2018 07:32

Op so are you going there and back in one day?
Not staying over?

I am from the NE have been to many weddings but not one over 10 miles from the venue. Usually about 1-3 m where everybody just drives and stays at the hotel over night.
Actually I think my Dad co ordinated lifts for people at my wedding ( about 1 mile from church)

Shrodingerslion · 12/05/2018 07:33

I find it odd that there won’t be any food at the evenings reception. That would piss me off if i arrived for the evening do with a gift etc and found I had to go and order a pub meal in another building if I wanted to eat

Yes I think that's actually rude. What a bad party.

Offthebandwagonagain · 12/05/2018 07:46

Exactly Shrod.

This couple seem quite selfish to me. They are hosting a party (a special one granted) but won’t feed guests. Poor show imo

flowery · 12/05/2018 08:10

”Here, very few people would drive to the church because everyone’s expecting a good drink.”

They’re “expecting a good drink” at the church?!

I imagine the bride and groom are assuming that most people will drive to the church, then to the reception, and then start drinking, and will therefore be able to leave their car there and get a taxi home.

yikesanotherbooboo · 12/05/2018 08:20

How strange that such different experiences are being described.Is it because drinking a lot has become a central feature of weddings or perhaps that taxi use has become more ubiquitous?I have never seen transport offered between church and reception. I have always gone by car to church, driven on to the reception and had a designated driver/ stayed at or close to venue or possibly arranged taxi from venue. I london , of course, we used public transport. My peak wedding going years were however a long time ago now so perhaps mores have changed.

DartmoorDoughnut · 12/05/2018 08:27

Who doesn’t organise transport? How rude!

We had buses from the two hotels we’d suggested to the church and then on from there to he reception. It was up to guests to get themselves back to the hotels/home as we figured everyone would want to leave as and when but we provided 4 or 5 taxi numbers.

burnoutbabe · 12/05/2018 08:32

I'd just decline the invite. I don't drive so factor in cost of train to wedding place and then a taxi each way. But if I also then had to factor in trying to arrange a taxi from middle of no where church to somewhere else, one loses enthusiasm. Just wish them well and stay at home.

DartmoorDoughnut · 12/05/2018 08:36

Sorry I meant in the OP’s scenario it would be rude, not in general! We were married where I grew up in rural-ish wales so a similar scenario.

PuppetOnAString · 12/05/2018 08:45

None of this needs to be this difficult.

Either, drive leave your car there to pick up the next day and get taxi back. Car share get taxi back. Get a taxi to and from the venue.

However not providing evening food is just rude. Have they considered that the pub may not be able to accommodate 100+ hungry guests?

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