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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this wedding arrangement is a bit odd?

153 replies

Brendobfh · 11/05/2018 16:27

I’m going to a wedding in July which is an hour away from where I live. Three of us have arranged to share a taxi there & back. All fine and I’m very pleased to be invited.

I found out today though that the church is 10 miles away from the hotel the reception’s at. I’m obviously going to try & find a local taxi firm to do the journey but it’s very rural.

Every other wedding I’ve been to where the wedding & reception are a distance away from each other has put on either a bus, asked if any guests needed to car share or at least provided some taxi information.

I had (and I accept it’s on me to check) assumed the church & reception were in walking distance since nothing has been mentioned about it. I can imagine other guests travelling to the church with no way of getting to the reception.

AIBU to think it’s a bit odd to not mention this to guests?

OP posts:
Original poster
Brendobfh · 11/05/2018 21:27

Olddear I’m from the North East. Is it a northern thing? Or a working class thing as a pp suggested? Then again this wedding is organised by working class northerners so perhaps neither of those things. I don’t know but for any wedding I’ve been involved in the organisers would never dream of not putting the transport on.

OP posts:
Original poster
Brendobfh · 11/05/2018 21:28

That’s that theory out the window then Uber! Your support is appreciated, pleased it’s not just me who thinks this way.

OP posts:
MindatWork · 11/05/2018 21:31

Thing is OP, at our wedding everyone was either v local (so drove or car shared) or travelled and stayed at the reception venue (checked into room in the morning, drove to church, drove back, partied night away).

There would have been absolutely no point in us organising a bus from church to reception venue as no one would have been on it!

Ubercornsdiscoball · 11/05/2018 21:36

We are south east (Although iam
Northern so maybe there is something in that!!)

Fruitcorner123 · 11/05/2018 21:44

I am so baffled by this thread. I have been to about 14 weddings in most parts of the country (though never the NE) and have always been expected to drive from the church to the venue (if a church wedding). My own wedding included. One of DH's friends was getting a train down so DH managed to arrange a lift share for him. Everyone else at our wedding drove to the church then drove to the venue then either stayed the night at the hotel, arranged a taxi home or didn't drink.

I have no idea if its regional but I know my friends would say the same.

UrgentScurryfunge · 11/05/2018 21:52

Putting on group transport only works when pretty much everyone has come from one place together, presumably a pre-arranged hotel. Most people in most parts of the country will have access to cars and get themselves around by car. Putting transport on for people getting to the church by car is often pointless as they need to get back to the car. Transport is often a nuisence as it forces you to hang on to the end of the night which may not suit anyone.

The only time I've experienced transport was when guests had to go from hotel A, to church B to reception C back to hotel A.

Every other wedding, guests have stayed close to the reception and driven to the church/ ceremony venue or agreed their designated driver.

We had a distance between our venues as there was nothing suitable near our local church and few appropriate options avaliable in the area. Transport wasn't an effective option as a large proportion of guests were arriving direct to the church and there wasn't capacity in the village for them to clog up the streets and few parking areas for 24 hours. Anyone staying at the hotel the night before had access to a car anyway and were free to relax and drink on their return to the hotel.

namechangedtoday15 · 11/05/2018 21:54

Definitely not a regional thing. I'm not from NE or Scotland. H is from South Africa. Like I said all the weddings I've been to in this situation have provided transport (Manchester, Central London, Cotswolds, Italy, Liverpool, Nottingham, Leeds - off the top of my head)

Original poster
Brendobfh · 11/05/2018 21:57

Oh I wouldn’t expect transport to or home from the wedding, just for the church to reception part if there’s a distance between the two. Perhaps it depends on attitudes to alcohol? Here, very few people would drive to the church because everyone’s expecting a good drink.

OP posts:
Furrycushion · 11/05/2018 21:59

My wedding & reception were about 5 miles apart. It never occurred to us to arrange transport. Most people drive to a wedding, don't they? I've also never been to a wedding where transport was laid on. You'd end up with your car miles away at the church.

PuppetOnAString · 11/05/2018 22:03

Totally normal for about every wedding I’ve been to. Just ask the reception venue for taxi numbers.

Original poster
Brendobfh · 11/05/2018 22:15

Most people drive to a wedding, don't they? Maybe this is where the different experiences lie. At the weddings I go to, hardly anyone brings their car. Usually only elderly relatives who won’t be staying at the reception long, and people who are staying over at the venue.

OP posts:
Ubercornsdiscoball · 11/05/2018 22:20

As I said we had transport from the hotel most people booked into to the church but it also did an additional pickup at the venue for people who wanted to leave cars there. It was no extra trauma for us or the transport company and made things easier for Our guests. We wanted people to help celebrate our marriage so we made sure they could!

Doubletrouble99 · 11/05/2018 22:34

My Nephew got married last year. The reception was 15 + miles away. We all just drove then people who had drank ordered a taxi and collected their cars the next day.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 11/05/2018 22:50

I'm in Ireland. I have never seen transport provided for weddings. We tend to have big weddings here, definitely a lot of alcohol and most people would stay over. Venue could be up to 90 mins from church but I think that would be unusual in the UK.

donquixotedelamancha · 11/05/2018 22:52

I just think a lot of guests will assume them to be close together

I don't think many people will turn up to a church without checking where the reception is; but if you didn't have transport you'd have to be a total moron to not check you could get to the venue.

I’m surprised it wasn’t spelt out to guests that it was a 10 mile trip.
Some people do give very detailed info on invites, but most assume people will organise themselves. I'm a big fan of control freakery by event organisers, I think it saves everyone time; but I'm definitely in a minority.

I also think it’s bad manners

Nope. It's not the happy couple's responsibility to arrange everyone's transport.

bella2bella · 11/05/2018 22:55

I've been to 40+ weddings, many of them with a drive between church and reception and never had transport put on for us. The three I've been to without my car I just chatted to others and arranged a lift when at the church to the reception as I knew there would be a lot of drivers so didn't book a taxi.

We didn't put on any transport for ours either but I did state it was a 20 min drive on the invite. No one got a taxi between church and venue, they either drove or shared lifts.

ScrubTheDecks · 11/05/2018 23:08

Cancel all your taxis (you are getting a two hour taxi??), hire a minibus to drive up in, ferry stranded guests friends m service to reception and charge them an exhorbitant amount

Original poster
Brendobfh · 11/05/2018 23:11

Scrub we’re getting a taxi an hour there then the same back.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 11/05/2018 23:57

Out of interest Brendofh - do you drive?

Original poster
Brendobfh · 12/05/2018 00:02

I do.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 12/05/2018 00:13

So, you have been invited to a wedding, which you could easily drive to - first the Church, then the Reception. You are choosing not to - obviously totally up to you - but you actually think that because you are choosing not to drive, then a someone else need to make the arrangements for your travel. Shock

I know 'entitled' gets used a lot on MN, but this seems to be the right word here.

Original poster
Brendobfh · 12/05/2018 00:30

If I drove I wouldn’t drink. I’m certain the bride & groom don’t want a room full of non-drinkers at their party.

It’s purely the church - reception lack of arrangement that I think is odd, not getting to the church.

OP posts:
IRefuseToAgree · 12/05/2018 00:48

I’ve only been to one wedding where transport was laid on for travel between the church and reception. All the others you made your own way. I don’t think it’s bad manners at all and I don’t think it’s unusual.

nooka · 12/05/2018 01:23

Why would the bride and groom have an objection to people not drinking alcohol at their party? Isn't that completely normal at many parties? In rural areas everyone drives because there are very few alternatives, so if it was organised locally to the bride or groom's family then I expect they will have assumed everyone would drive to the church, then on to the reception and then back home. I suppose a bus could be laid on from the reception hotel to the church for the service and back again but surely very few people would get a taxi to a very rural wedding instead of driving? I'd guess it's only economical for the OP because she is sharing the cost with two friends, I doubt very much that the bride and groom imagine the majority of their guests will be at risk of being stranded at the church. I'm sure the hotel will have the number for local taxi services so the OP will be fine.

emmyrose2000 · 12/05/2018 05:35

I've never been to a wedding where the B&G organised transport. I think it's ridiculous of guests to expect that.

Any wedding I've been to, everyone just drove themselves to all the places involved, unless they were medically unfit or too elderly to drive. In that instance, the guests would just organise it amongst themselves way beforehand as their nearest and dearest would already know that elderly aunt Edna or Suzie who suffers from epilepsy can't drive and would need a lift.

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