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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this wedding arrangement is a bit odd?

153 replies

Brendobfh · 11/05/2018 16:27

I’m going to a wedding in July which is an hour away from where I live. Three of us have arranged to share a taxi there & back. All fine and I’m very pleased to be invited.

I found out today though that the church is 10 miles away from the hotel the reception’s at. I’m obviously going to try & find a local taxi firm to do the journey but it’s very rural.

Every other wedding I’ve been to where the wedding & reception are a distance away from each other has put on either a bus, asked if any guests needed to car share or at least provided some taxi information.

I had (and I accept it’s on me to check) assumed the church & reception were in walking distance since nothing has been mentioned about it. I can imagine other guests travelling to the church with no way of getting to the reception.

AIBU to think it’s a bit odd to not mention this to guests?

OP posts:
ChikiTIKI · 11/05/2018 16:55

There must be people driving from the church to reception venue with spare seats in their cars. Maybe the couple were expecting people to lift share. Maybe you could ask them?

Original poster
Brendobfh · 11/05/2018 17:01

you HAVE to tell wedding guests whats going on because on the day there will be a load of wedding guests who turned up in a taxi and no way of getting to the next place This is exactly my thoughts on the matter.

Ubercorns, I also think it’s bad manners, but I didnt want to come straight out and say Grin

Thanks Chiki. We should be fine getting a taxi, I just have visions of other guests being stranded at the church.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 11/05/2018 17:04

I would check with the venue what mobile phone reception is like too...

Jaxhog · 11/05/2018 17:05

I would have assumed the opposite too. I've only infrequently been to a wedding where the church and reception were all that close.

BackforGood · 11/05/2018 17:21

Have never been to a wedding where transport hasn't been arranged if the church & reception venue aren't together. Always a coach or more typically a double decker bus.

Well, I've never been to a wedding where there has been a bus between Church and Reception (and I've been to a LOT of weddings). So it must be some kind of cultural thing for particular social circles, or parts of the country or something.

I certainly don't think it is 'odd'. I think it is perfectly normal.

Traditionally, the Ushers would help link people up with transport.
I would just ask whoever it is you know - 'Do you think anyone might have room in their car between the Church and the Reception that might be kind enough to give us a lift, or shall we book a taxi ?'

budgiegirl · 11/05/2018 17:21

I have been invited to weddings with no transport and i find it quite bad manners to be honest if there is such a distance like you say

Really? I’ve never been to a wedding where transport was provided, even if there was quite a distance between the venue and reception. It wouldn’t even occur to me that there might be transport.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 11/05/2018 17:26

It’s more the guests who don’t realise until they’re at the church without transport

The same thought occurred to me ... if too many people don't check it could be chaos outside the church Hmm

BackforGood · 11/05/2018 17:27

How is it 'bad manners' ? Confused
It isn't the host's responsibility to make your travel arrangements. Hmm

Duck90 · 11/05/2018 17:29

Other guests won’t want to leave their cars at the church and get a bus to the reception.

Plus then the church car park is full.

Most weddings here, people drive to church and then reception. (If the have a car)

budgiegirl · 11/05/2018 17:29

The same thought occurred to me ... if too many people don't check it could be chaos outside the church

But surely people would check before travelling, especially if they’re relying on public transport/taxis

namechangedtoday15 · 11/05/2018 17:30

Backforgood I'm 46 with a big extended family so been to lots of weddings too. It's bad manners and bridezilla-esque I think to just assume that guests will all have cars or access to a car and will be driving. Also there must be an expectation that guests will not drink (and therefore drive home) or be happy to leave cars at the reception venue and somehow get home / arrange to pick the car up the following day Hmm

It's not a cultural thing for a social circle or a particular part of the country, it's just good manners I think.

Eatalot · 11/05/2018 17:34

Wow ten WHOLE miles!!! What fucking pricks in 2018 to assume grown ups can arrange travel arrangements for this trek. I mean thats like several minutes in a car.

derxa · 11/05/2018 17:39

To think this wedding arrangement is a bit odd? It isn't odd at all.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 11/05/2018 17:40

surely people would check before travelling, especially if they’re relying on public transport/taxis

You'd think so, yes, but IME folk sometimes make a lot of assumptions ...

budgiegirl · 11/05/2018 17:43

Also there must be an expectation that guests will not drink (and therefore drive home) or be happy to leave cars at the reception venue and somehow get home / arrange to pick the car up the following day

Or stay the night at the venue (if it’s a hotel).
We’ve always made our own transport arrangements at every wedding I’ve been to. Even if there was transport between the church and reception, guests still have to make the choice to either get a taxi, not drink so they can drive home, or stay the night.

BackforGood · 11/05/2018 17:43

Of course it is neither bad manners nor bridezilla-esque. It really is never the responsibility of a host to make arrangements for the guests' travel. Possible exception being if they are making all guests travel to another country.
If we were going to a wedding, and then were expected to get on a bus, it would mean our car were then nowhere near where we were, when we wanted to get home. It's just odd if most people have cars. If you know few people have cars, then you might choose to look into it, but there is certainly no expectation.
The Bride and Groom are presumably assuming their neuro-typical, adult guests will make whatever plans suit them to get to the wedding, and then the celebrations, and not that they need to spoon feed their guests, nor dictate to them how they will travel.

marcopront · 11/05/2018 17:44

What will happen to the taxi you use to get to the church? Are you using the same one to get back from the reception? Why can't you use that to get in between the two?

fiorentina · 11/05/2018 17:48

Don’t any of you drive/have a car? Can’t you drive to the church, onto the reception and then leave car there and get a taxi returning the next day to get the car? That’s what we’d usually do?

namechangedtoday15 · 11/05/2018 17:49

it really is never the responsibility of a host to make arrangements for the guests' travel

You see I fundamentally disagree with that - that's precisely the point. For a wedding, which is a big event where some of the guests will have gone to considerable expense / effort, where the venue is miles away from the church, providing transport is part of the organisation of a wedding. They don't have to use it but its usual (and polite) to offer it imo.

MindatWork · 11/05/2018 17:53

I would never rock up at a wedding and assume transport was laid on unless it was mentioned in the invite. The idea of a crowd of grown adults standing outside the church going ‘so what do we do now?!’ seems a bit juvenile to me.

Whenever we get an invitation through (one isn’t local anyway), the first thing I do is google the ceremony venue and reception venue and figure out how we’ll get there/in between.

It’s nice if transport is laid on but it might not be the best option unless everyone is travelling to the ceremony by taxi...

Racecardriver · 11/05/2018 17:58

This is very normal. I don't see why you are surprised. A bus on the other hand is weird

carefreeeee · 11/05/2018 17:59

I think they should have made it clear on the invitation. I've been to lots of weddings and they always make things straightforward for guests - they will often provide maps of venues and give directions, give a list of local accommodation options etc. Only had a couple where there was a long way between the two venues and each time lift sharing was arranged for those with no transport (which is generally only a few people anyway).

Plus in rural wales there is unlikely to be a taxi you can just phone then and there. Local taxi companies will have 1 or 2 cars and they will need to be booked in advance.

Reiltin · 11/05/2018 18:02

Here, I’d expect people to be traveling from the church to the venue with space in their car, who wouldn’t mind giving someone a lift. You’d suss it out at the church. Could you do that?

Thumbcat · 11/05/2018 18:05

It sounds completely normal to me. I've also never been to a wedding where transport was laid on and wouldn't expect it to be. If they've given you both addresses on the invitation then you have everything you need to organise yourself.

StopBeingNosey · 11/05/2018 18:06

I’ve only once been to a wedding where transport hasn’t been put on, even in central London. The one where transport wasn’t provided stated that the reception was less than 1km from the church and to let them know if you weren’t able to walk it. I’d be a bit miffed if the wedding was in the middle of nowhere and I then had to work out how to get to another rural place 10 miles away.