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Original poster

Annoyed by neighbour's kids

137 replies

LittleMermaidRose · 11/05/2018 12:44

Maybe I'm just being mean or something but..
Every time me or dp are out in the garden, our upstairs neighbours seem to come out within minutes.

We have a 3ft fence separating or gardens which we put up last year, but there is one panel that is removable to allow us access through their garden if we ever need to bring our garden waste bin round for example, which we only used a couple of times when we first moved in.

The kids (around age 5 & 3) are constantly trying to climb the fence, remove the panel, and ask every time to come in to our garden. We don't have any kids & we don't want to babysit them (I have a feeling that's why their mother brings them out at the same time we go out) as she has once before told them to go into our garden as she was busy! I never said anything at the time at I was caught off guard.

It's getting a bit much for me. I want to be able to spend time in my own garden without being harassed by the kids all the time. I've told them a few times that we're busy, so they can't come over. But still they continue to ask.

I'm not good at confrontation so I don't know what else to say. They're lovely neighbours otherwise so I don't want to cause problems. I just want my own space.

OP posts:
SeaToSki · 13/05/2018 10:25

If you are relaxing, tell them. No I’m having a sleep, please dont wake me up again

If you are gardening, tell them. No I’m gardening and is a grownups only job, please dont ask me again

If you are reading a book etc, tell them. No I’m doing quiet time, please dont ask me again

If they pester you , tell them. No. Its not ok to keep asking me. Please let me be on my own.

UnsuspectedItem · 13/05/2018 10:26

Can you get a gazebo or something that you can put up in the garden and have one side (or two sides) down so that the view of you from their garden is blocked?

You can get pretty cheap ones and it won't ruin the look of your garden or spoil your experience and once you've hidden in that for a few weeks they're likely to leave you alone

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 13/05/2018 10:30

If they keep coming back after you've said you're busy, say NO! - you need some peace and quiet - and then ignore them.

You could always couple the NO! with the evil-eyes look I used to do at dds' request* - only ever used once with scary (and effective!) intent, to some ghastly child endlessly whining in the supermarket queue.

*'Mum, do your scary eyes!' - followed swiftly by squeals and hiding behind the sofa cushions.

SunshineAfterRain · 13/05/2018 10:38

OP the parents are just chancing their luck.
Just keep referring them back to their parents.

Ie. If dad has them out and they ask you to play. "No I am busy. Go see dad"
If you keep sending them back to their parents, the parents will get the message.

UpstartCrow · 13/05/2018 10:55

Give them a kazoo each and tell them they are for indoors only.

ChasedByBees · 13/05/2018 10:59

I’m not sure what the right of way aspects are here, it sounds like nothing formal.

I would put a lock on the fence and if there’s room, plant bushes on the boundary and tell the parents and children that you want to relax in the garden and whilst you like the children, you need space.

starzig · 13/05/2018 11:01

Say do what you want. Then go out leave them to whatever, let them get hurt. Parents probably won't let you babysit again. Not your responsibility (You didn't actually say yes)

stellarfox · 13/05/2018 11:10

Can you plant a hedgerow? Try a leylandii as these are dense and quite fast growing!

Stormy76 · 13/05/2018 11:16

I would be mortified if my kids were bothering the next door neighbours, tbh they are allowing their kids to shout at you repeatedly....bad manners. I think you may have to put up a bigger fence and planting because it will only get worse if the parents can't be bothered to pay attention to what the kids are doing. Kids make noise but we all know the difference between them playing and harassing someone. I would in the mean time get a gazebo so you can block them out whilst in your garden, fix the panel in so it cannot be lifted and start saving for your 6 ft fence.

If they continue regardless then you will have to go and speak to the parents and make it clear that you have no issue at all with their kids playing in their own garden, but screeching at you repeatedly is not playing and you want them to make it stop.

WomaninGreen · 13/05/2018 11:19

Why aren't you tackling this firmly - is it because of the side access?

I'd say it's much better to take the garden rubbish through your place, fix the panel and say to the neighbours "your children are always disturbing us in the garden, can you stop them doing that".

If you worry about being seen as mean, this will just go on and on.

PunxsutawneyHogwash · 13/05/2018 11:23

'No, you can't come into our garden. We have poisonous plants in here and I don't want to be responsible for your slow and painful death and all the blood spurting out of your nose and eyes will make a terrible mess.'

Too much?

CocoaGin · 13/05/2018 11:29

If you're not a confrontational person, just ignore. Completely. They'll soon get bored if they're not getting a response. And try to get some better screening even just for one or two panels so you have an area of privacy. Even a tall windbreak may help.

Lizzie48 · 13/05/2018 11:33

Who are these people who allow their DCs to behave like that? Apart from anything else, your neighbours are not keeping their very young DCs safe. They need to be taught about 'stranger danger'. If their parents tell them it's okay to go into your garden, then there's every chance that someone in the park might tell them that their mum has asked him to take them home. It's worrying on a lot of levels.

Just say no, not just 'we're busy at the moment', and then ignore them. That's the only language little children understand. I've never had this problem with other people's children, obviously it's different with my nephews and nieces and friends' DCs and my DDs' friends. I just don't engage with them. My DH is more of a softie and children gravitate towards him. Grin

UserV · 13/05/2018 11:35

3 foot fence? Shock No way. I like my privacy.

Some years back, the bloke next door (a generation older than me and DH,) replaced the fence between our 2 gardens (the side that was his responsibility obviously,) and he put a bloody 3- footer up! (There had previously been a 6-footer.)

He could see straight over all the time, even into our conservatory when we were in there. AND when me and the kids were sunbathing, he looked right out at us all the time from his dining room window. Made me feel so uncomfortable. Me and the kids and my DH simply could not relax.

So after about 3 months, DH put a 6 foot fence up - 2" away from his fence. The bloke kicked off and said we were 'blocking his view.' We said 'what view? you can only bloody see US!' Hmm

The cheeky bastard contacted the council to complain, and was told (obviously) that we were within our rights to put a fence up, especially as he has just put a 3-footer up!

It was such a relief to not have him gawping at us over the fence, and through the dining room window. Luckily he couldn't gawp from the upstairs, as there was a tree in the way. Shame! Hmm

OP, I agree with a pp that the neighbour is offloading their kids onto you. Some people cannot be arsed with their kids to such an extent, that they will offload them onto ANYone. I have seen people do it, many a time! Don't tolerate this. Put a 6-foot fence up.

And even if I had to bring my green waste rubbish through my house, I still would, rather than go through their garden. You need to make this stop. If you don't her kids will keep bothering you.

UserV · 13/05/2018 11:35

By the way, we don't live in that same house now, this was some years ago!

OyO · 13/05/2018 11:43

Develop some unsavoury habits. Surround yourself with empty vodka bottles, give each other pet names like ‘Cunt Face’ and ‘Little Twat’. Play offensive gangster rap. Talk loudly about how you’re gonna dispose of the bodies.

Goodasgoldilox · 13/05/2018 12:01

Always say 'no'. Don't give a reason and don't vary your response.

After saying 'no', wear earphones/plugs for a bit - appear not to be able to hear them- and just wave and smile when they talk to you... and respond less and less.

Be boring.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 13/05/2018 12:06

If the fence is recent, have the kids previously been used to treating both gardens as one?

What they and their parents are doing is not on, but agree with a few PPs that for the little you actually use their garden for your bin go through your own house - if you ever need to. Bolt the removable panel and plant something fast growing. Buddleia are great for that and they look good (and attract loads of butterflies).

Lilacwine1 · 13/05/2018 12:06

We had some little cheeky bastards who used to lift the fencing panels up, so they could crawl under and play football in our garden while we were out. We couldn't figure out why all the plants were getting broken and and there were muddy ball marks on the patio doors. Then one day, we came back and caught them. He stormed round, and told the parents, who thought it was highly amusing, the little shits had the cheek to do it. My DH came back and fixed the fence, (he wanted to electrify it) so they couldn't do it again. I'm getting really angry just thinking about it. The little fuckers, have left now.

Sharonthetotallyinsane · 13/05/2018 12:15

Start saving for that six foot fence.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 13/05/2018 12:30

You’re being too vague, they’ll just keep asking. You need to be blunt and firm.

‘No, so please stop asking’. (Drop the please after the first time)

‘Do not climb on our fence you will break it’

‘I SAID do NOT climb on our fence’

Say hello ONCE then ignore them or be blunt ‘I have already said hello, now I want to enjoy my garden quietly’

If the parents won’t tell them to stop it, then you’ll have to be as blunt as is necessary.

Ellie56 · 13/05/2018 12:43

Fix the panel so they can't move it, say hello once, then ignore them. If they keep pestering ,put some loud music on to drown them out.

But you really need a 6ft fence.

user1486915549 · 13/05/2018 12:57

Don’t go all “ English “ and make excuses. Just say “ No. Go away “ loudly enough for their parents to hear.
Then don’t engage, ignore them.
Ages ago neighbours put up a climbing frame next to our fence. The two kids spent their whole time standing on the top of it on tiptoes so they could talk AT us in our garden.
Parents heard us and moved the climbing frame.
( nice neighbours but if I wanted to chat to their kids all day I would have invited them round !! )

QuackPorridgeBacon · 13/05/2018 15:28

Why aren’t you saying no properly? Stop saying “not now” because that clearly means “ask me again.”

moomoo85 · 13/05/2018 15:28

I would speak to the parents. Let them know that while you like their children you need to be able to have some space to relax in your garden and the children are preventing you from being able to do that. They might not realise that you aren't actually enjoying spending time with their children.

If it continues then start to tell the children directly and firmly but politely.

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