Annoyed by neighbour's kids

[LittleMermaidRose]

Maybe I'm just being mean or something but..
Every time me or dp are out in the garden, our upstairs neighbours seem to come out within minutes.

We have a 3ft fence separating or gardens which we put up last year, but there is one panel that is removable to allow us access through their garden if we ever need to bring our garden waste bin round for example, which we only used a couple of times when we first moved in.

The kids (around age 5 & 3) are constantly trying to climb the fence, remove the panel, and ask every time to come in to our garden. We don't have any kids & we don't want to babysit them (I have a feeling that's why their mother brings them out at the same time we go out) as she has once before told them to go into our garden as she was busy! I never said anything at the time at I was caught off guard.

It's getting a bit much for me. I want to be able to spend time in my own garden without being harassed by the kids all the time. I've told them a few times that we're busy, so they can't come over. But still they continue to ask.

I'm not good at confrontation so I don't know what else to say. They're lovely neighbours otherwise so I don't want to cause problems. I just want my own space.

There is no neighbour/garden problem that can't be resolved by leylandii. Good luck OP.

I would tell them not to keep coming into my garden uninvited... I've a 4year old and wouldn't want her doing it to neighbours at all. Or it being done to me, it would annoy me. So, I'd tell them that I don't want their children in my garden unless invited to do so. If you don't tell them, it will continue.

Or if they keep coming in, walk them round to the front of their house, ring on the door and politely return the children. That way the parents will know they are doing it (suspect they may do anyway) and it will inconvenience them a bit too. Don't say that they can't come "now" or anything else that implies that you don't object to the concept, just the timing. You need to be much clearer! "Hello X and Y, this is our garden so you can't play here; let me take you back to your mummy and daddy so you can play in your garden".

I would say to the children that you've said no to coming in the garden and it's very rude for them to keep asking you. I would also explain to the parents how you feel and you don't want to be mean to the children but could they explain to them that they mustn't keep pestering you.

'No, we are enjoying some grown up time ' every time. If you never say yes, they will eventually stop asking.

Trouble with DCs is they don’t understand social conventions, so if you let them play in your garden once a month they won’t get why they can’t play there every day.

I agree with those who say to play the broken record “No you can’t play in our garden “ any time they try to do it , if parents instigate it then return the DCs to them each time.

If child continuously shouts at you whilst on trampoline, wave wanly once at him then go back to what you were doing with no further attention.

Hopefully they will soon get the message.

It doesn’t sound as if you have formal access rights over their garden, but your previous neighbours were kind enough to let you go through?

Are your current neighbours annoyed that you’ve assumed you can still access your garden through theirs, even to the point of putting in a removable panel? It might be that they are passive aggressively letting their Dc hang off the removable panel because they don’t think you should have made it removable.

I think you will have to put a 6ft fence up or move to a detatched OP , you are going to have a long time and much worse than this to put up with given their ages.

Firm no and if they persist in annoying you, shout for the parents. If they’re on top of the c.imbing frame shouting, get their parents. You’re entitled to quiet time in your own garden. You’re going to have to be extra firm because you’ve let them away with it til now.

You need a taller fence. I know it’s expensive, but 3 feet is not enough.

I'd be saying big saying no in a nice voice and say your garden isn't suitable for children as you have lots of delicate plants. Then glare at the mother

Address it directly or it’ll just carry on. Invite the parents over for a cuppa and just say that you really don’t want to fall out and you’re sure their kids are great but you need privacy in your garden and would they please have a word with the kids to stop them asking to come over. Kill them with kindness and be super nice about it.

@SeaCabbage

If you say clearly, "no you can't come in our garden, we are busy, bye!."

I'd leave it at "No, you can't come in our garden".

Flipping cheek, bringing up children with no respect for other people's boundaries or private property.

Don't speak quietly when saying "No", make sure the parents hear you. I'd bellow it.

I live on the route home from a pub and some tanked up individuals tried to take my fence panels out late one night. We put bolts through the posts so they could not slide them out

Could you do that?

Put a bolt on your side of the panel. Speak to parents about it and if they don't help report it once logging when it happens

You may have an easement across their garden to access the garden bin; I wouldn't just give that up entirely since it will affect the value of your property if you do when you go to sell it. I would check on that.

That doesn't mean you 'owe' the neighbours anything if you do have an easement. It's part of the conditions of owning the adjacent properties.

I would be very firm with the children as well and tell them very firmly that they are not allowed in your garden and to please stop asking. Tell their parents that while their children seem very sweet, you don't want to be disturbed by them when you're trying to enjoy your garden. You're happy for them to play in theirs, but you don't want them staring at you over the fence, climbing on your fence, and continually bothering you with questions.

I would also consider sunbathing topless; that may get their parents to actually whisk them away.

Get a water pistol, oh no that's cats.
Tell them your uncle is on sex offender register
Shout louder and frighten them
Or just speak to the parents, why are people so wet

My neighbour apologised for being anti social when putting up a fence? we said it's fine we don't want to see you in the garden, if we need to speak to you we can knock on your door

Fix the fence panel in permanently. Maybe trellis along the top to add height to what you have? Then plants to go along the trellis. Clematis montana is a good quick grower and has tons of gorgeous flowers in spring.

If I had kids doing this to me I would say: "No. Stop asking." And repeat.

Jesus Christ some people are so wet!

Tell the children they can’t come into your garden.
Tell the parents you don’t want the children coming through into your garden.
Fix the fence panel down so children can’t lift it.
If they climb the fence first tell them NO and if they get over take them back to the front door of their house and make your displeasure known.

A 3ft fence was always going to be a nightmare. Tall fences make for good neighbourly relations.

I have kids - this is totally unacceptable. I can't believe they are encouraging your kids to bother you.

Kids playing in any way on your property or trying to come through the fence _ NOT ON>

Two options

Bigger fence/ prickly things on top.

Tell them that you/your partner are having a stressful time at work and are too stressed to talk at the moment. ie. polite but bit of a white lie. so - please do forgive me but I"m going to have to aks your kids not to bother us as DH is a bit under the weather for family/ work reasons.

then build a bigger fence.

Have to say - kindly OP but you are being pretty wet here.

It's not even vaguely okay what they are doing - my children would not dream of bothering our neighbours or attempting to go in their garden.

Just be blunt and if they don't like it - you need to accept some people are deeply unreasonable.

How about fixing some bamboo screening on your fence, we did this and it did stop the kids next door constantly talking/hanging on the fence.

I had to firmly tell my DH off for leaving our 'cute' kids with our middle aged single neighbour. He was completely shocked to be told that 'other peoples children are like other peoples dogs - ok in small doses and kept on a leash" - he genuinely thought she'd enjoy the company whilst he did DIY.

YANBU. Don't say 'not now', say 'NO!'

Tell them you've sprayed something toxic down to stop/bugs weeds and you don't want them breathing it in or getting it on them. For extra dramatic effect get a spray bottle with some water and food colouring and go to town on your garden when they're out there (with a scarf over your face a gloves!)

We had this in our first house, the child next door liked our cat and would come into our garden. Also when we were sitting out. I felt sorry for her but had to be firm as her mum took no notice, we felt like unpaid childminders at times.
If the kids next door have always done this you need to find a way to keep them out, they obviously think it's fine.
New neighbour - new rules, nip it in the bud now.