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Original poster

Annoyed by neighbour's kids

137 replies

LittleMermaidRose · 11/05/2018 12:44

Maybe I'm just being mean or something but..
Every time me or dp are out in the garden, our upstairs neighbours seem to come out within minutes.

We have a 3ft fence separating or gardens which we put up last year, but there is one panel that is removable to allow us access through their garden if we ever need to bring our garden waste bin round for example, which we only used a couple of times when we first moved in.

The kids (around age 5 & 3) are constantly trying to climb the fence, remove the panel, and ask every time to come in to our garden. We don't have any kids & we don't want to babysit them (I have a feeling that's why their mother brings them out at the same time we go out) as she has once before told them to go into our garden as she was busy! I never said anything at the time at I was caught off guard.

It's getting a bit much for me. I want to be able to spend time in my own garden without being harassed by the kids all the time. I've told them a few times that we're busy, so they can't come over. But still they continue to ask.

I'm not good at confrontation so I don't know what else to say. They're lovely neighbours otherwise so I don't want to cause problems. I just want my own space.

OP posts:
RestingBitchFaced · 11/05/2018 16:31

Just say 'No not today' loudly - you don't need to give a reason & repeat

TroubledLichen · 11/05/2018 16:31

Alternative suggestion: next time they pop up, engage really enthusiastically and say ‘Great timing guys, we’re just about to start some garden work! Brat1 you grab the rake and take care of all those leaves, Brat2 do you think you’re strong enough to work the mower’ I don’t expect you’ll see them again in a hurry 😂

MadMags · 11/05/2018 16:32

I would say “not, you have to stay in your garden” over and over.
Fuck that!

BlankTimes · 11/05/2018 16:32

If they try to start a conversation, just say sorry, we're busy, turn your back and get on with what you were doing.

Put a bolt on the loose panel on your side so the kids cannot open it and get in.

Every time they climb on the fence, ask them to go and get a parent, then ask the parent to stop them climbing on your fence

LaDilettante · 11/05/2018 16:33

You need to be give them a clear and short answer like 'no you can't. I'm sorry.' otherwise if you say 'no we're cutting the grass', in the kids mind it means not now but maybe later. Especially for the three year old and I know what I'm talking about. I've got one Wink The parents should tell them not to bother you but either they're oblivious or they really are hoping to offload them to you for an hour.

Knittedfairies · 11/05/2018 17:30

I’m a bit confused as to why you have access to their garden for your garden bin. Do they think they should be able to access yours in a tit for tat arrangement? I

Original poster
LittleMermaidRose · 11/05/2018 18:21

It's a block of 4 in a flat, we're on the bottom with a front facing door & their front door is round the side (if that makes sense). They only option would be for us to bring our garden waste through our house to get to the bin.

The previous owner, as well at the neighbours, have told us it's totally fine for us to access their garden for that reason, however, we never do, because I don't feel right going through their garden.

So yeah, I think maybe they do feel like we owe them or something!

Not only can we not afford to put up a bigger fence, the youngest child stands on top his climbing frame shouting on us for attention.

I know kids will be kids & they don't know they're doing any harm but geez.. Enough is enough

OP posts:
MadMags · 11/05/2018 18:55

Well i definitely think you mustn’t ever use their garden then, so you don’t owe them anything.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 11/05/2018 19:02

Yeah, as the owner of a 6yo (and someone who is an unwilling magnet for other people's kids) you do need to be rude to them.

CoraPirbright · 11/05/2018 19:10

Why are you putting up with this? Seriously who cares what a couple of kids think of you?!! Be firm, verging very closely on actively nasty telling them that they need to leave you alone. Kids that age dont really appreciate nuances so you will have to be very clear and the parents are CF’s who want you to play/engage with their children so they get a break. Well Fuck That.

StripeyDeckchair · 11/05/2018 19:23

You're being too vague and nice when you refuse to let them in
No we're mowing the lawn will be interpreted as no not while we are mowing the lawn but when we've finished will be ok.

You have to be blunt
No is a complete sentence

They're not nice neighbors if they let their children pester you like this so stop worrying about their reaction

ALongHardWinter · 11/05/2018 19:25

They don't sound that lovely if they're constantly trying to palm you off with their kids!

Original poster
LittleMermaidRose · 12/05/2018 15:50

Well 3 times today I had to tell them they couldn't come in the garden (I was a lot more firm). They still continued to bother us while we relaxed even though we tried telling them we're busy & just plain ignoring them. Their dad told them not to bother us once but it still continued.

OP posts:
Happyandshiney · 12/05/2018 16:01

Yes I suppose I'm not being firm enough. "Oh not just now, we're busy cutting the grass" or something along those lines are my usual responses.

That answer is telling the children that you will eventually be persuaded to let them in.

You need to be firm and consistent with small children:

“No you can’t come to play, please don’t ask again”

Second time:

“No, I told you before not to ask again. I’m not going to change my mind”.

Third time:

“I said no. You are being rude. Interrupt me again and I will speak to your parents”

Forth time - tell the parents that the children are repeatedly bothering you despite being told not to.

You need to use a firm tone. Not unkind but firm. You need to sound like you mean it.

Don’t use conditional statements.
Don’t apologise or use an apologetic tone
Don’t smile too much

And put a latch on your side of the fence so that they can’t remove it.

BMW6 · 12/05/2018 16:04

Keep saying NO.
Not "we are busy" or "not at the moment" - that is just leaving an opening for them to ask again. Just "No - you have a garden of your own, and we have ours".

8misskitty8 · 12/05/2018 16:12

Put your garden bin in your front garden then you won’t need to go round the building. Just carry the garden rubbish through your house to the bin. Then you can permanently fix that panel so it can’t be taken out by them.
You’ve tried being polite but now you need to be firm with the neighbour, either tell them their children are not to access your garden or send a note through the door.

Original poster
LittleMermaidRose · 12/05/2018 17:04

We don't use their garden at all, only when we first moved in.

I find it hard to tell them to go leave me alone without being mean. I don't have any kids of my own so I don't really know how to talk to them.

Even when I tell them I'm busy they all end up coming back & back & back & back to the fence to chat more.

Ughhh I feel so nasty but I just want privacy in my own garden

OP posts:
namechange2222 · 12/05/2018 17:50

Just speak the the children Mother and explain that much as you love the children (?) you have very little free time to relax. Therefore when you're in your garden you just need time on your own to unwind
Add again how lovely the children are and then voila, no more pesky children!

MadMags · 12/05/2018 17:59

Honestly, you need to say nicely but loudly:

“You have to stop asking can you come over, X and Y. You can play in your own garden where your mummy and daddy can look after you. Off you go now.”

And then literally ignore them! I know how rude that is but it’s either that or enjoy sharing your garden!

MadMags · 12/05/2018 18:01

Oh, and I’d 100% block the gap and If you can’t afford higher fencing, get some trees that won’t grow too high but high enough to block them!

MissEliza · 12/05/2018 18:15

There were two kids who lived up the road who were always coming round our house. Subtle hints and excuses didn't work so eventually I had to say 'you need to go back to your own house, my dcs don't want to play with you'. It took a few weeks for it to work. They moved onto my friend's kids. Her brilliant strategy was to hide behind the sofa while they looked through the window Grin.
You need to be blunt and consistent.

Nanny0gg · 12/05/2018 18:17

Telling them No is not being mean!

And nor is ignoring rude children.

Failing that, tell the parents.

QuoadUltra · 12/05/2018 18:23

Well, no 5 or 3yo is actually going to understand if you give mixed signals so it is a bit late for you to get tough.

Speak to the parents and be pretty blunt about it. I think say you need privacy in your garden is fine. Ask them to ensure the children do not come over.

Fix the fencing in place. If it is that easy to get out of their garden, kids will do it.

MissEliza · 12/05/2018 18:25

What MadMags says is perfect.

Cleanermaidcook · 13/05/2018 09:14

You need to be more blunt "can we come in your garden?"
"No," and ignore. If the continue "stop shouting at me now I don't like it, you need to go and play now"

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