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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not apologise to this parent?

123 replies

RUOKHUN · 11/05/2018 07:53

Name changed.

Willing to be told to suck it up and apologise as I don’t actually have children. I have a much younger sibling who is in primary school in year 1. The age gap is such that I am already a qualified health professional with many years under my belt.
So my sibling’s class teacher asked me to do a talk on my career. Not a problem. I was introduced as my sibling’s older sister, and I talked about what I do and why I do it.

Now, I got a lot of questions about my age, mainly because I am the same age as the majority of their parents. The teacher was present the whole time and did not interject once. So when one of them asked me why I was so much older, I answered because ‘X’s Dad wanted a baby’.

Oh my God... wrong answer. One of the parents has written to the teacher. Their son can’t sleep because he’s worried about his Dad going away and his Mum having another baby with someone else. She wants an apology and for me to tell her son that we have the same Dad? (That last bit will not happen).

AIBU about this? Surely he needs to know about different families, I mean he is 6? And I didn’t even specify whether or not my Dad had died or talk about divorce. I told him less information than if he’d asked my sibling who can tell you the entire history of our family.

I’m so annoyed I let it get off topic, but i don’t like shutting kids down, I didn’t get into too much personal information and I wish the teacher had said something now.

OP posts:
Teenytinyvoice · 11/05/2018 07:55
  1. you said nothing wrong
  2. the teacher should not let them have ask personal questions!
ditavonteesed · 11/05/2018 07:56

Absolutely ridiculous, of course you shouldn't apologise. The teacher should have stopped them asking you such personal questions. Angry

Sugarhunnyicedtea · 11/05/2018 07:56

You don't need to apologise to anyone. In fact, I think the teacher should be apologising to you. You gave up your time to talk about your career, not your age. The teacher should have stepped in and stopped questions like that.

LoopyLou1981 · 11/05/2018 07:56

Definitely no apology needed! She needs to learn that the world doesn’t consist entirely of 2.4 children families! Narrow minded woman 🙄 x

LoudestRoar · 11/05/2018 07:56

No way would I apologise! You said nothing wrong.

Imfinehowareyou · 11/05/2018 07:57

YANBU. There will be many different family set ups in that class alone. The other parent is being precious. Kids get worried about all sorts and she needs to reassure her own child not expect the whole world to lie to protect him. You did nothing to apologise for.

Sierra259 · 11/05/2018 07:58

YANBU. The teacher should have intervened to keep the questions relevant, and not let you be put in a difficult position. The other parent sounds a bit unhinged and I can't believe the school are even getting you involved in her madness. I would not be apologising either!

Lottapianos · 11/05/2018 07:58

You have done nothing wrong and the teacher should have backed you up. If this little boy has been freaked out by what you said, that's for his parents to manage. Some parents wrap their little darlings in cotton wool.

RUOKHUN · 11/05/2018 07:59

Ah! Thank you so much for the replies. I don’t know why but I have been feeling so anxious about this.

OP posts:
Racecardriver · 11/05/2018 07:59

The mother is neurotic. Why are people so he bent on keeping children ignorant of real life? No wonder her son is so soft.

ErictheGuineaPig · 11/05/2018 08:00

Why did the teacher even tell you about this?! Surely they just smile and nod at this level of parental insanity?!

User467 · 11/05/2018 08:01

The other parent needs to get a grip. She could have used it as a good time to explain about different family set ups. Is she going to ban her child from being friends with children who have separated parents. Don't apologise

Linzeyhun · 11/05/2018 08:01

I'm a teacher , but imo the teacher was disgusting letting you answer such questions.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 11/05/2018 08:02

for me to tell her son that we have the same Dad

Say WHAT?

RUOKHUN · 11/05/2018 08:03

Sierra I thought it was odd that the teacher contacted me afterwards. I would have had no way of finding out anyway! I think that’s what’s contributing to me feeling horrible about it.

I’m going to email the teacher and say I’m not apologising, but I am sorry to hear that he has been affected by the news that all families aren’t the same! Hmm

OP posts:
lalaloopyhead · 11/05/2018 08:04

Hang on, so the teacher/school has been in touch with you and told you about the letter and the required apology? Why has the school not told parent to get a grip? They school cannot think that the parent is right surely??

ErictheGuineaPig · 11/05/2018 08:05

Sounds like a perfect email reply to me. Very unprofessional of the teacher to contact you I think. I expect this parent is a nightmare and they've got used to dancing to her tune. They shouldn't make it your problem. Kids should absolutely learn that families come in all kinds of different configurations.

12PurpleSnails · 11/05/2018 08:05

I'm a teacher, I see no reason why the teacher would have passed this information onto you. If anyone is at fault it is the teacher for not stopping 'inappropriate' questions BUT I don't personally see anything wrong with it. (I teach secondary through so very different kids.)

Anyway the teacher should be dealing with it, don't apologise.

Lottapianos · 11/05/2018 08:06

'I’m going to email the teacher and say I’m not apologising, but I am sorry to hear that he has been affected by the news that all families aren’t the same!'

Very good response

purpleme12 · 11/05/2018 08:06

Oh my god this is one of the wierdest things I've ever read!
I can't see anything you did wrong! So weird.
And why on earth would the teacher tell you about this?! So weird

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 11/05/2018 08:07

I have talked to classes at school a few times and at all times (even in secondary), the teachers have been actively policing behaviour and would have shot that question down (and the others before) in a second! It would have been a non issue as I would never have had to think about how to answer it. Totally unfair for you to have ended up in this position.

Lilacwine1 · 11/05/2018 08:08

YANBU you were there to talk about your career, the teacher should have stepped in to get questions back in track. The parent should be looking closer to home to ask herself, why her child was so distressed by your perfectly acceptable answer.

Starlight2345 · 11/05/2018 08:09

The teacher was in the wrong . You weren’t there to answer questions about your family , you should never of been told of the complaint.

I think thank you would if been a more appropriate email from tracher

HoneyDragon · 11/05/2018 08:10

What will happen if one of his class mates mentions a bereavement? Will the the widow or widower have to apologise to the child if the realisation that parents can pass away upsets him? Confused

Do not apologise.

Lupercalia · 11/05/2018 08:11

I'd go further.
I'd go to see the head.

Asking you to LIE is akin to discrimination, bigotry and shame and has no place in a school setting ( or anywhere to be fair).

And I would email the governors.

But then I have no shrift with stuck up, judgemental cunts.