AIBU to not apologise to this parent?

[RUOKHUN]

Name changed.

Willing to be told to suck it up and apologise as I don’t actually have children. I have a much younger sibling who is in primary school in year 1. The age gap is such that I am already a qualified health professional with many years under my belt.
So my sibling’s class teacher asked me to do a talk on my career. Not a problem. I was introduced as my sibling’s older sister, and I talked about what I do and why I do it.

Now, I got a lot of questions about my age, mainly because I am the same age as the majority of their parents. The teacher was present the whole time and did not interject once. So when one of them asked me why I was so much older, I answered because ‘X’s Dad wanted a baby’.

Oh my God... wrong answer. One of the parents has written to the teacher. Their son can’t sleep because he’s worried about his Dad going away and his Mum having another baby with someone else. She wants an apology and for me to tell her son that we have the same Dad? (That last bit will not happen).

AIBU about this? Surely he needs to know about different families, I mean he is 6? And I didn’t even specify whether or not my Dad had died or talk about divorce. I told him less information than if he’d asked my sibling who can tell you the entire history of our family.

I’m so annoyed I let it get off topic, but i don’t like shutting kids down, I didn’t get into too much personal information and I wish the teacher had said something now.

I’d be ccing the headteacher and wondering why this parent’s concerns were not being addressed by the school directly but being passed on to you.

Honey, I’ve met lots of parents like that. I always ask when doing these talks in case the topic of death comes up (kids being typically much more honest about it that adults) as there are often parents who never talk about it, tell their children they will never die, parents never die, etc.

Yeah I'd complain it was passed onto you actually. Should have been dealt with by school. I think this is worth a complaint

Totally ridiculous. That was a chance for the parent to explain different family dynamics and what different families can look like. Children only get freaked out if you don't do a good job assuaging their fears. It's like trying to avoid discussions of death or sex, it's not easy but you just have to do it before they're misinformed by another child or invent something themselves.

Yanbu. It was lazy to forward to you.

I think your response sounds great. The mom in question sounds peculiar, which is not your problem or your doing!

Do not apologise, escalate it to the head and explain that this inappropriate approach will put others off coming to do talks at school. Explain that an inappropriate and personal question was asked and you gave an honest response - what did they want? You to lie?? Their child will hear worse in the playground and beyond. The schools approach to pass it to you is shocking!

I agree with everyone else, the teacher should’ve stopped those questions about age/family and definitely shouldn’t have passed on the batshit complaint!

Your response is perfect.

Both the teacher and the parent are to blame here for a) not keeping the questions on track b) not explaining at home about different families

How very strange that in this day a child hasn't yet been exposed to what could be described as a non standard family. God help him if he comes across a same sex parent family, or a single parent etc

Blimey what part of the world does that woman live in? Around here there are lots of families with different dads

I would also contact the head. This teacher either has no idea how to field complaints, or this is parent may have power within the school and is threatening to abuse it and the teacher could use a bit of back up from colleagues.

Totally ridiculous request as pp said, what is she going to do if one of the other pupils has a bereavement? Go steaming in and demand the family members say they are still alive?

This parent, for whatever reason is raising a child with absolutely zero emotional resilience, to the extent that instead of raising it with you, (if they really must act) then the teacher might want to consider it as a potential red flag and monitor things.

Your reply sound perfect. I'm gobsmacked the teacher passed that on. Does the teacher actually expect you to apologise and lie about your family or is she just passing on the parents wishes? Either way, you are justified in refusing to do either!

I can't understand why the teacher contacted you. She should have told the parent to fuck off. In teacher speak, of course.

Good grief. I can imagine that kids would be very curious as to how someone could possibly have so much older a sibling if they hadn't encountered it before. If this one kid hadn't asked, I feel pretty sure another would have.

Much ado about nothing.

This teacher either has no idea how to field complaints,

Yes.

I’d contact the Head. Explain why you went in - ‘to talk to the class about your JOB’ and explain the children were asking personal questions that you hadn’t expected to have to answer....and now this. Any decent Head will reassure you and roast the teacher. The teacher should have closed that down immediately. She should also have told the parent to explain to her child that families come in different shapes & sizes blah blah. To pass on what that parent has said & asked for is unprofessional, to say the least.

Why has the teacher even told you about the letter? They should have dealt with it themselves not embarrass you by telling you the details? They're not expecting you to reply surely?
Well done for giving up your time to go in. And it's important to give kids honest answers

Complain to the school about giving up your time, being asked inappropriate questions, and being caused annoyance and upset as a result of this complaint being unneccessarily forwarded to you. Seriously, go ballistic.

The teacher is in the wrong twice. Firstly for letting the children ask you personal questions and secondly for passing this complaint on to you rather than dealing with it. If the parent was being very persistent, the teacher should have referred to her senior leadership team, not to you.

I say this as a teacher myself.

Hope this hasn't ruined the experience for you OP. I think it's really important for children to see people from different careers in school.

I think it’s odd that the teacher didn’t step in to get the discussion back on topic but I find it genuinely bizarre and utterly inappropriate that she has contacted you after the event to pass on this mother’s concerns and her request that you now tell lies to her child - which could easily be contradicted by your sibling and which might confuse and upset your sibling.
I would reply to the teacher asking her whether she genuinely thinks this is an appropriate of handling this situation? Or forward the whole exchange to the head teacher? The mother is nuts but the teacher is being unprofessional and does not seem to have considered your sibling’s feelings at all!

I think if I were you OP - I’d by-pass the strange teacher, and pop in to see the Head. I’d explain the situation to her and tell her you feel confused as to how this has escalated and been allowed to manifest to reach this point
Don’t get into a debate with this unprofessional teacher - just by- pass her, let the Head deal with it

I had a parent complain to me after I had mentioned Jesus' death while telling the Easter story. She didn't want her child to know about death in case he worried and wanted me to promise never to mention it again. At that time I also had a child in my class whose dad had died when she was a baby but wanted to talk about him a lot, you can't please everybody.

Op so much for giving up your time for a good deed.

Bloody ridiculous

Agree with previous posters saying you should inform the head. I'd say something about how you gave up your own time to come in and have been left feeling embarrassed and offended by the teachers handling of the situation

I think the teacher is trying to cover up her own mistake (not correcting the child for asking an irrelevant question). She's trying to push the error onto you, who did absolutely nothing wrong.