AIBU to not apologise to this parent?

[RUOKHUN]

Name changed.

Willing to be told to suck it up and apologise as I don’t actually have children. I have a much younger sibling who is in primary school in year 1. The age gap is such that I am already a qualified health professional with many years under my belt.
So my sibling’s class teacher asked me to do a talk on my career. Not a problem. I was introduced as my sibling’s older sister, and I talked about what I do and why I do it.

Now, I got a lot of questions about my age, mainly because I am the same age as the majority of their parents. The teacher was present the whole time and did not interject once. So when one of them asked me why I was so much older, I answered because ‘X’s Dad wanted a baby’.

Oh my God... wrong answer. One of the parents has written to the teacher. Their son can’t sleep because he’s worried about his Dad going away and his Mum having another baby with someone else. She wants an apology and for me to tell her son that we have the same Dad? (That last bit will not happen).

AIBU about this? Surely he needs to know about different families, I mean he is 6? And I didn’t even specify whether or not my Dad had died or talk about divorce. I told him less information than if he’d asked my sibling who can tell you the entire history of our family.

I’m so annoyed I let it get off topic, but i don’t like shutting kids down, I didn’t get into too much personal information and I wish the teacher had said something now.

Slightly off track, but my BIL was invited into his son's reception class to talk about his job as a policeman. He had thought long and hard about what would be age-appropriate to tell them, then the teacher introduced him as "This is X's dad. He's a policeman and catches drug dealers."

Wow. Just...wow.

Parent is quite clearly neurotic, over-protective (PFB?) and bloody rude. I have three children, one a fair bit younger than her half siblings and I would be furious that someone was passing such judgement on my family that I needed to apologise! She should be teaching about blended families etc...

Teacher - buck passing of the highest order. Unprofessional in class and after. Speak to the head (preferably speak rather than email, if you can manage the time for it, otherwise email with copy of teacher's message) - they need to train their teacher to field and manage batshit parents.

If her son can’t sleep because of what you said, something is very wrong with her son and she should be focusing on that, not a bloody apology off you! How ridiculous. Do not apologise.

Gosh, so ridiculous. Jesus, I work in EYFS and we watched a gay wedding the other day. How would that parent feel about that!?!

You have nothing at all to apologise for.

Hippee I’m imagining the teacher eyeing a particular parent whilst saying it

No apology needed. The teacher was in the wrong. You were there to talk about your career not be grilled by school children on your family’s personal agenda.

I would write a letter to the parent informing them that their childs a snowflake and they need to not be so precious about a situation that around half the country is in!!!

...I would also be requesting they move my sibling to the other side of the year group (if possible) where he isnt taught by such a spineless moron :)

Teacher should have stepped in "CHARLIE we don't ask personal questions to our visitors, stick to the topic of the talk please class"

@Hippee ha ha that is amazing :-)

No way should you be apologising, the teacher is an idiot for allowing questions that were not related to the discussion, and passing on this complaint.

The child will come across all sorts of families at school, including single parents, single sex parents, mixed race etc where do you draw the line? should they apologise for not being the expected mum, dad and two children?

The woman should apologise for her judgemental attitude, which she is in danger of passing on to her child

maybe his dad has form

Lololol. This has made me properly bahahaha.

Holy crap, you freely give your time and expertise and you are expected to apologise for this

The teacher should have immediately shut down the personal questions and said something generic.

Don’t apologise.

Nothing for you to apologise for. The mother is RIDICULOUS!

Do not apologise. You gave up your own time to do this and did nothing wrong. The teacher is to blame for not controlling the discussion and putting you in an awkward position where you had to answer inappropriate personal questions. That is not your job to know what to do in this situation.
As for the other parent, she's being ridiculous. Some people just love to take offence and cause a scene. Maybe she's bored?

Why does she want you to tell the child you have the same dad?

The most unreasonable bit of this is that the teacher has passed the ridiculous request on to you, instead of shutting the bonkers parent down and telling them to sod off.

This is officially the most batshit thing I have read on mumsnet.

Do not apologise.

I know I’m being thick but I couldnt figure out the family dynamic from your post. Is your younger sibling a half sibling, ie you share a mother and not a father? If so then I would be explaining to the teacher that it’s very common now for children to have parents that divorce or to have blended families. You see no reason why that requires an apology unless you’ve misunderstood? Basically turn it round and make them look ridiculous.

Agree with all the above, but also wondering how exactly this was supposed to work on a practical level- was the teacher expecting you to come back into school, sit down with Little Snowflake and tell him the lie that you and sibling have the same Dad? How utterly bizarre.

I couldnt figure out the family dynamic from your post

Doesn't matter though, does it? Doesn't matter if OP has a full sibling who's years younger, a half-sibling, a step-sibling, if the OP's parents divorced/died/disappeared. It's completely irrelevant, in fact - which is precisely why the teacher is in the wrong TWICE - 1) for not stopping the children asking irrelevant questions and 2) not dealing with the fallout of the irrelevant questions and parental complaints themselves.

I agree that this is totally batshit.
And I would respond to the teacher by email, possibly copying in the head.

I'd get your dad to write in and say his daughter (you) was upset by snow flake's personal questions and he would like an apology from the family involved.

Firstly I can say firmly that I think your answer wasn't bad for thinking on your feet and that the teacher should have helped you out more by not letting personal questions....slight but though in terms of how you deal with things now....did you wear your uniform and / or mention who /where you work?

If you did I would stick to emails so that you have a record of the conversation. I'd also think about a) asking the teacher very directly very she is suggesting that you do as the parent says and lie? If she says yes or it's up to you I'd contact the head. It's a very ridiculous position to put your sibling in. What happens when x says 'ha ha your sister is a liar you do have the same Dad.' Ask the teacher to show you the response is intending to give the parent and what has already been said. I'd probalay be saying that you were actually very uncomfortable but wouldn't have mentioned it but or this complaint.
b) Consider trying to diffuse it with a non apology apology - 'I'm sorry to hear that x was upset (as you do actually sound as if you were), I was very uncomfortable at being asked such personal questions and did my best to answer them. The answers I gave were factually accurate. I do think that the school needs to reflect on how they expose visitors to questions and have made that point to the school.'

I suppose it doesn’t matter but equally little kids are very inquisitive and it’s easier to try and simplify things for them or not mention it at all.

I certainly don’t think the OP did anything wrong at all abd I think the snowflake’s parent sounds barking.