AIBU to not apologise to this parent?

[RUOKHUN]

Name changed.

Willing to be told to suck it up and apologise as I don’t actually have children. I have a much younger sibling who is in primary school in year 1. The age gap is such that I am already a qualified health professional with many years under my belt.
So my sibling’s class teacher asked me to do a talk on my career. Not a problem. I was introduced as my sibling’s older sister, and I talked about what I do and why I do it.

Now, I got a lot of questions about my age, mainly because I am the same age as the majority of their parents. The teacher was present the whole time and did not interject once. So when one of them asked me why I was so much older, I answered because ‘X’s Dad wanted a baby’.

Oh my God... wrong answer. One of the parents has written to the teacher. Their son can’t sleep because he’s worried about his Dad going away and his Mum having another baby with someone else. She wants an apology and for me to tell her son that we have the same Dad? (That last bit will not happen).

AIBU about this? Surely he needs to know about different families, I mean he is 6? And I didn’t even specify whether or not my Dad had died or talk about divorce. I told him less information than if he’d asked my sibling who can tell you the entire history of our family.

I’m so annoyed I let it get off topic, but i don’t like shutting kids down, I didn’t get into too much personal information and I wish the teacher had said something now.

How ridiculous. I might face a complaint like this one day as my DDs are adopted. That would really annoy me, as they have a right to talk about issues that are important to them. Children need to learn about different types of family. Tbh, I'm finding it hard to comprehend that this child could have got to year 1 without knowing about broken/blended families.

I wouldn’t send your email, OP, it sounds snippy. Instead I would reply

“Thanks for your message, I don’t see this as something that needs an apology so I won’t be sending one.

I’m glad you contacted me though as I felt quite awkward answering such personal questions from the children.

For the benefit of any other visitors you may be inviting I’d suggest briefing the children in future about how to behave with visitors and dealing with any tricky questions yourself.

Apart from that, it was a lovely experience meeting them so thank you for inviting me.”

No need to feel anxious, you did nothing wrong.

I wonder if the parent is in the PTA? I find the PTA in my dds school to have a ridiculous amount of power, strangely .

Wtf why didn't the teacher interfere with the questions? And why are the parents so nosy?!

No need to apologise, geez people these days.

I cannot understand why the teacher did not stop the children asking personal questions. Was she actually listening or was she catching up on marking or planning? Nor should she have contacted you with this complaint. Email her back and include a copy to the head saying you have nothing to apologise for, and in the light of this you will no longer be available to give career talks to the school. The head does need to know about this because this could happen again to other visiting speakers.
I would think that this mother's son is not all sweetness and light, and he knew the family set up all along, and was devious enough to cause trouble. Keep an eye on your sibling to make sure that are not being bullied or made fun of.

Yanbu op. Don't apologise

You know the saying "no good deed goes unpunished"?

Sounds like the teacher is trying to pass the buck rather than deal with a totally unreasonable parent. The kid needs to learn that not all families are the same. I don't know how this child would cope in our class as we have an uncle and niece in it.

As this is Mumsnet, I would suggest that you make a little video of yourself doing the standard tinkly little laugh and head tilt, and send that to the teacher, with the words, 'Did you mean to be so totally ridiculous?' included.

I would need to say something, it's ridiculous that a. someone complained, b. this information was passed onto you, and, c. that the children were allowed to ask such personal, irrelevant questions in the first place. You certainly haven't done anything for which you need to apologise - you did the school / teacher a favour and this is how you're being repaid! Not cool.

Maybe his dad has form 😅 Maybe the kid already has siblings at school he's not aware of 😆

YANBU and that is really awful.

The teacher should have stopped the question, but failed to and your answer was fine.

I can understand if you go to the school and the teacher was trying to give you a heads up of the complaint in case the parent accosted you in the playground (although that would have been worded very differently), but passed the complaint on to you and asked you to apologise.

Under no circumstances apologise. I second raising it with the head and would say that you are not apologising for telling the truth about your family and you are not going to lie about it as to do so would deny your sister her family and it is disgusting for you even to be asked to.

Why on earth should you apologise for telling the truth?! Did the teacher say you ought to apologise? They are bringing a visitor into a relationship between a parent, child and teacher - so unprofessional!

I would reply and copy to the head.

• the mother is clearly batshit
• the teacher clearly needs some training

straight to the head.

No good deed goes unpunished!

That's a good point, podcat. There may be children in the class picking on your sibling, and making comments about having a father who is old, and a sister who is as old as the other children's parents.

If the child was really upset, the mother should have simply reassured them not made a complaint about you.

Maybe the kid already has siblings at school he's not aware of actually know some parents this recently happened too although no cheating or overlap, few years apart and dad didn’t know about the kid.

YANBU - I can't believe that your sister is the only child in the class who has siblings with a different dad. I agree with posters the teacher is at fault - should have stopped the question and dealt with the parent's letter herself.

Good job I didn't speak to the class, as my dad died when I was six. That would really have traumatised the poor snowflake!

The teacher was in the wrong on two counts. They should have stopped personal questions in the first place. Then they should have politely told the parent to cop on to themselves when they complained. You should never have heard about the complaint.

Don't apologise. You answered a question truthfully.

I’ve heard it all now.

What happened to the Seasame Street message that a family can be made up of anyone as long as you have love?

Sorry - off to scrub the saccharine off my brain.

Maybe his dad has form

bahahaha!! 🤣🤣🤣

I also agree that this is a training issue for the teacher. I’d also send the reply and cc the head.

The woman is delusional. She is perfectly happy to lie to her dc to spare her having to deal with any potential upset under the guise of protecting him. Honesty is always best. Some parents actually have to deal with real questions like “are you going to die?”.

Blimey. The teacher was so wrong to allow personal questions to be asked and even more wrong to pass on that e mail to you. I would be contacting the head about it. It is stuff like this that puts people off wanting to help out schools.

How did the teacher tell you this? Was it in an email? If so what did the teacher actually say?

I’d reply and copy the head in. I’d probably reply with emoji

👀 🤔 😂

Would work!

This is the teacher's responsibility: first for letting the questions get so personal, and then for forwarding the ridiculous letter/request from the parent! Sounds like the teacher trying to sidestep their own responsibility for the situation (which is no big deal anyway - as you say at 6 they are plenty old enough to know that there are lots of different family set ups). Your reply sounds perfect. Hope you don't feel upset for too long. They are just being ridiculous, try to ignore.

YANBU op and your response is perfect.

Also, thank you for giving up your time to speak to the children. It takes a village and all that