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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not apologise to this parent?

123 replies

RUOKHUN · 11/05/2018 07:53

Name changed.

Willing to be told to suck it up and apologise as I don’t actually have children. I have a much younger sibling who is in primary school in year 1. The age gap is such that I am already a qualified health professional with many years under my belt.
So my sibling’s class teacher asked me to do a talk on my career. Not a problem. I was introduced as my sibling’s older sister, and I talked about what I do and why I do it.

Now, I got a lot of questions about my age, mainly because I am the same age as the majority of their parents. The teacher was present the whole time and did not interject once. So when one of them asked me why I was so much older, I answered because ‘X’s Dad wanted a baby’.

Oh my God... wrong answer. One of the parents has written to the teacher. Their son can’t sleep because he’s worried about his Dad going away and his Mum having another baby with someone else. She wants an apology and for me to tell her son that we have the same Dad? (That last bit will not happen).

AIBU about this? Surely he needs to know about different families, I mean he is 6? And I didn’t even specify whether or not my Dad had died or talk about divorce. I told him less information than if he’d asked my sibling who can tell you the entire history of our family.

I’m so annoyed I let it get off topic, but i don’t like shutting kids down, I didn’t get into too much personal information and I wish the teacher had said something now.

OP posts:
witchofzog · 11/05/2018 08:32

So the teacher is actually asking you to do this? Utterly ridiculous. Your reply is perfect

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 11/05/2018 08:32

So you've got to apologise for your dad and his wife having a baby. I'm sorry but that's not snowflakiness. That's off the scale. If it wasn't so pathetic it'd be hilarious.

Billben · 11/05/2018 08:33

The parent is being ridiculous. I dread for the school having to deal with her petty issues for the next 5 years. Do not apologise and let the head teacher sort it. I’d avoid going back through the teacher as well, cos I don’t think she would be able to sort the issue herself (or doesn’t want to)

Moreisnnogedag · 11/05/2018 08:33

Ha!! what on earth?! No way would I apologise and I'd be cc-img the head into my response.

CanIBuffalo · 11/05/2018 08:34

Complain to the Head.

Smeddum · 11/05/2018 08:35

I’m going to email the teacher and say I’m not apologising, but I am sorry to hear that he has been affected by the news that all families aren’t the same

This is perfect. Teacher shouldn’t have allowed off topic personal questions, and Mum needs to get a fucking grip on herself.

BlueJava · 11/05/2018 08:36

You poor thing! Well done for going to talk to the class about your job anyway.

Many people answers kids' questions differently, some truthful, some not so truthful. However, the teacher was in the wrong to let it get so off topic. Your age is irrelevant, the teacher should have definitely kept it on track about your role, what you do, what qualifications are needed etc.

MarthasGinYard · 11/05/2018 08:37

The teacher is even worse for seeing fit to indulge this rubbish

This 'complaint' shouldn't have even reached you.

The 'parent' needs to do just that.

Actually I would have a quick word with the head also.

KERALA1 · 11/05/2018 08:38

Ha utter snowflake alert

HoppingPavlova · 11/05/2018 08:38

I’m so gobsmacked that the nutty parents complaint was passed on to you. It’s the teachers job to tell them they are unreasonable, not to pass it onto you to deal with. How bizarre.

I would respond to teacher ‘correcting them’ and telling them to sort their own mess out, not involve you in ‘Liegate’. Copy the Head.

Goosegettingfat · 11/05/2018 08:39

I'm a teacher. I think it is outrageous that the teacher did not manage the discussion better and then decided to bother you with this afterwards. At my school we fall over with gratitude if anyone offers to give up their time to talk to the children.

KC225 · 11/05/2018 08:40

I don't understand that sort of parenting. When these situations pop up it's your job to explain and put to rest any concerns. The majority of parents see questions like this as an opportunity to broach topics not write letters. It's not you - don't let this put you off. You sound like a fab older sister.

Motherofallbeasts · 11/05/2018 08:42

the mother is neurotic but why on earth did the teacher tell you this? She should have nipped it in the bud.

Sparklyshoes16 · 11/05/2018 08:44

How bizarre and batshit rolled into one!!

Don't apologise your email sounds spot on and the teacher should never have passed that onto you!

Deandre · 11/05/2018 08:45

Madness! Just madness, they all need to get a grip! I would add into the email that you expected to talk about your job and not personal information and it’s a shame the teacher let it pass and didn’t keep the conversation on track. Does she always allow this?

timshortfforthalia · 11/05/2018 08:45

The teacher is in the wrong here. I can kind of see how she may have let the personal questions go, but her decision to contact you about the parents complaint is very unprofessional.

Whether you want to escalate to the head is up to you. She has made a serious judgment of error and i think the head would prob want to know.

timshortfforthalia · 11/05/2018 08:47

Please don't get involved in an email debate with teacher Confused either ignore the whole thing, have a quiet word with head or (if you're feeling more compassionate) a quiet word with teacher. Emails are def not going to help here.

Chickoletta · 11/05/2018 08:47

Your reply is great. I'd definitely also copy the Head in.

Lupercalia · 11/05/2018 08:51

Head.

Seriously.

This is discrimination and bigotry. We are a family of steps and I would be fucking furious to read that kind of bile.

The fact that the stupid teacher wants you to apologise is also cause for concern and paints her in a worrying, judgemental light which again, has NO place in a school.

A teacher once commented in class that my child was from a broken home.
I went ballistic and she was severely disciplined.

MiddleClassProblem · 11/05/2018 08:51

Maybe his dad has form 😂

Lupercalia · 11/05/2018 08:53

Think about this...
What if she wanted someone to apologise for being gay...
or black....
or Jewish.....or fat....or disabled...

All forms of indefensible discrimination and ALL need reporting to the head. Seriously. Don't underestimate how bad this actually is.

She wants you to LIE that your sib has the same father to save some neurotic bigots blushes.

Lupercalia · 11/05/2018 08:54

Middleclass - my thoughts ...projection, much?

MarthasGinYard · 11/05/2018 08:55

'Maybe his dad has form 😂'

Quite

Bodicea · 11/05/2018 08:56

Definately have a word with the head. This teacher needs a disciplinary. She is telling you should be ashamed that you have different dads. What if she says that to a child in the school?

50shadesofgreyismylaundry · 11/05/2018 08:57

It's a parent's job to help their children learn about and navigate the world in all it's complexities. It isn't everyone else's job to lie to make the world easier for children to understand.