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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have the fucking rage with DH

149 replies

hungryhippo90 · 10/05/2018 21:41

So ok, I’m working on myself at the moment. Trying to regain some confidence. I finally gained confidence to try and get back to work, We’ve got a business but I don’t generate any actual income from it, there’s just my drawings from the business, that go into our joint account and that’s the end of it.

DH has been pressuring me into going into his line of work, I would be good, I provide some support to him at work, I generally take over the reigns if I feel I can.

I’d started to believe him that I could do this.

Then, I’d booked myself into training he has told me I should do for 3 years! Yes., 3 long years!

Broken down into a 3 day and 2 day split for this qualification that’ll mean I can actually earn some money.

First time he was supposed to be helping pick up and drop off DD from school, he picks and chooses where and when he works. He left it until a week before to tell me he had secured himself a little contract some 2 hours away so no chance at all of him. Being able to do school run, so he called his mum, who is brilliant and jumped straight into granny mode, DD stayed with her for a few days, she was open to helping this week, he said no, no I have to prove my point, I’m a father! I am capable of looking after my offspring.

He then gleefully told me today he had arranged to work from home so he could excel at “dad duties”
Fine. At least he’s taking it seriously.

He phoned me 20 minutes before after school club was finished, he wanted help to write up a contract for someone he worked with 2 years ago- he needs help so turned up at our door, hasn’t spoken to him since they stopped working tovether, but that’s not the point.

I said, you NEED to leave to get DD. You won’t make it in time. He left our house 3 minutes before after school club kicked out. It’s a half hour drive.

I called the school and one of the office ladies was concerned that DH mentioned he was working from home but refused to cancel DDs space and now he was late and didn’t even bother to call, but there I was on the phone fairly hysterical because they were supposed to be shut, I am 2.5 hours away and he just had one thing to do.

I’ve now just had a text saying DD won’t be in bed till 10pm tonight.

I am fucking raging. One day. One day. He doesn’t see what’s wrong.

OP posts:
JamPasty · 17/05/2018 08:30

Take the job!!

He is trying to sabotage you - don't let him!

whingeyarse · 17/05/2018 08:30

oh christ PLEASE TAKE THE JOB!

FrancisCrawford · 17/05/2018 08:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lilacwine1 · 17/05/2018 08:35

He wants everything but zero input.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 17/05/2018 08:36

Go for it. Your ‘D’H is not at all supportive of you, - mine is and it really doesn’t look anything like your description. He takes his share of the pickup/drop off responsibilities seriously without me getting involved and deals directly with the care providers/school for changes/problems with these. He is one of 2 equal parents both working and looking after our DCs and he acts like he is.

regularbutpanickingabit · 17/05/2018 08:37

Take the job. Maybe he is jealous, maybe he is unsettled about you being independent or maybe he's worried you will find something out about his previous behaviour at that company. Who cares? Take the job!

IfNot · 17/05/2018 08:41

I have no doubt that your husband is at the root of your confidence problem. You do need an independent job, so definitely take it.
And don't be scared off by Froubys post-I know it was meant with the best intentions but it would have put me off and I'm pretty tough!
Just give it a chance.
I do agree with practicing your site management skills on you husband though. Brook no argument and take no prisoners. You can do this.

SinkGirl · 17/05/2018 08:41

TAKE. THE. JOB

It will be great experience for you, and if you don’t like it you can leave.

However, do not rely on him for childcare, picks ups etc. Make sure you at least have a back up plan because he’s either clueless or a sabotaging fuckwit.

Branleuse · 17/05/2018 08:45

You cant win with that guy. Goes on at you to go back to work. Sabotages your attempts to do so.
Fuck him. Take the job

Loonoon · 17/05/2018 08:51

I would let the screw ups in childcare go for the time being. It is hard juggling a job and childcare and your DH was new to it. When he is in charge he has to be in charge his way and learn from his mistakes. I seems a bot judgy to have the rage with him because he isn't doung it as well as you.

And if you want the job accept it. That's the only way to know for sure if it's right for you. Even the pay is slightly lower than you may get elsewhere it sounds worth it for the convenience.

McPie · 17/05/2018 08:54

Take it and well done for passing your training even without his support, it's time to look after yourself now!

ChikiTIKI · 17/05/2018 09:01

Take the job! But don't let your husband be involved in giving you a lift to the interview or anything like that. Have a backup plan of how to get there.

Nousernameforme · 17/05/2018 09:05

Yes take the job get Mil on board for emergencies and sort childcare out. Leave nothing to him, he has an easy life with you to pick up after him and dd at home and doesn't want to rock his very easy boat so he will fight you don't give him chance.

Balaboosteh · 17/05/2018 09:11

Congratulations OP! Here’s another one rooting for you to take the job! Also keep putting DH on the spot to do things. Accept that it might go a bit wrong sometimes and keep going. The situation will change, the dynamic will shift and he may respond to training!

IfNot · 17/05/2018 09:12

I would let the screw ups in childcare go for the time being. It is hard juggling a job and childcare and your DH was new to it.

Yeah? Haven't we all been "new to it" at some point?
I was late for after school/nursery club pick up once in 8 years. Once. And that was due to a train breakdown, and I sorted it myself.
Why should this malevolent/incompetent arse get a free pass?
(Sorry OP but your husband needs a kick up the bum).

Loyaultemelie · 17/05/2018 09:18

Take it!! You are right to see the advantages and it's also important to show your dh you can make your own decisions about what is right for you (and dd)

LoveInTokyo · 17/05/2018 09:19

I’m sorry you appear to be married to a complete arse. Flowers

Take the job and work towards a situation where you have a good career and could support yourself as a single parent if you had to.

TuTru · 17/05/2018 09:20

What a useless idiot. My DP and my BIL are also like this. Sorry I’ve no advice though. I’ve just accepted a lot of them are idiots.

Juells · 17/05/2018 09:21

Take the job and watch out for attempts to sabotage you, complaints about the amount of time you're out of the house, complaints that you're neglecting your DD etc..

Don't leave yourself in a position where you're depending on him for anything to do with dropping off or collecting your DD, or he'll fuck you over.

sprinklesandsauce · 17/05/2018 09:27

I agree, take the job. It is local, it is a foot in the door and you will get experience. If you don't like it, you can look for something else? Why did DH hate it there so much?

TheMythOfFingerprints · 17/05/2018 09:30

You need to take that job for reasons that will become more and more apparent as soon as you do.

RebootYourEngine · 17/05/2018 09:34

Take the job and look to get rid of the dh if he doesnt improve his attitude towards you.

Troels · 17/05/2018 09:35

Do it, and do well at it. Your Dh is trying to undermine you and errode your confidence.
I'm sure he'll try some new tactics once you have a steady job.

JeanLouiseAKAScout · 17/05/2018 09:36

Take the job. You are going to need it when he continues to sabotage your life and progress, believe me Thanks

And please accept my congratulations on your achievements

hellsbellsmelons · 17/05/2018 09:38

Wow - well done OP.
Of course you take the job.
£3K more and 2.5 hours away!!!
That will cost more in travel, time and money over the year so you are quids in as well.
Now he's jealous.
Well tough titties!
You go girl!
(BTW, he sounds like a total knob!)