To have the fucking rage with DH

[hungryhippo90]

So ok, I’m working on myself at the moment. Trying to regain some confidence. I finally gained confidence to try and get back to work, We’ve got a business but I don’t generate any actual income from it, there’s just my drawings from the business, that go into our joint account and that’s the end of it.

DH has been pressuring me into going into his line of work, I would be good, I provide some support to him at work, I generally take over the reigns if I feel I can.

I’d started to believe him that I could do this.

Then, I’d booked myself into training he has told me I should do for 3 years! Yes., 3 long years!

Broken down into a 3 day and 2 day split for this qualification that’ll mean I can actually earn some money.

First time he was supposed to be helping pick up and drop off DD from school, he picks and chooses where and when he works. He left it until a week before to tell me he had secured himself a little contract some 2 hours away so no chance at all of him. Being able to do school run, so he called his mum, who is brilliant and jumped straight into granny mode, DD stayed with her for a few days, she was open to helping this week, he said no, no I have to prove my point, I’m a father! I am capable of looking after my offspring.

He then gleefully told me today he had arranged to work from home so he could excel at “dad duties”
Fine. At least he’s taking it seriously.

He phoned me 20 minutes before after school club was finished, he wanted help to write up a contract for someone he worked with 2 years ago- he needs help so turned up at our door, hasn’t spoken to him since they stopped working tovether, but that’s not the point.

I said, you NEED to leave to get DD. You won’t make it in time. He left our house 3 minutes before after school club kicked out. It’s a half hour drive.

I called the school and one of the office ladies was concerned that DH mentioned he was working from home but refused to cancel DDs space and now he was late and didn’t even bother to call, but there I was on the phone fairly hysterical because they were supposed to be shut, I am 2.5 hours away and he just had one thing to do.

I’ve now just had a text saying DD won’t be in bed till 10pm tonight.

I am fucking raging. One day. One day. He doesn’t see what’s wrong.

[ladyratterley]

Woooh! You go OP!
Definitely take it and split the cost of childcare with your "D"H!

[ellsbells2]

Well done you, take the job.

Your husband should be proud of you, not try to take the shine off of your achievements.

It sounds like an ideal company and location, take it.

[LellyMcKelly]

Hurrah! Take the job. It’s the sort of work you want and are trained and qualified to do, you get to pick up your DD everyday, and it’s 2 miles from home. If you want to go to a bigger company you can do it in a year or two and by then you’ll have relevant experience so you will command a higher salary. There is no downside to this so don’t let your passive aggressive control freak put you off. You deserve this job!

[Trialsmum]

Bloody hell, take the job!

[HellonHeels]

TAKE THE JOB!!!

[blueskyinmarch]

Without doubt you need to take the job. It sounds perfect. Sound like your DH is jealous of your success. Knobhead.

[qwertyflirty]

Take the job!

[wisewomanmummy]

Take the job! Well done too!

[MissingMo]

Take the job and well done! Go with what's best for you. Your DP should be happy that you are happy.

[persypear]

TAKE THE JOB!!!

They want you and you have earned it. Give it a go!

Ignore your 'D'H. I agree that he sounds like he is playing mind games and sabotaging your chances and your mental health. This is not loving behaviour.

Ignore his undermining bullshit and GO FOR IT!

[MrsHathaway]

Take the job, as everyone said. And ask him outright why he's being such an arse about it - offer the suggestions of reasons pps have thought of.

But I think the employer are interested in specifically having a woman work in the general area that I want to be in feels a bit weird to me and I'd be a bit cautious about what that would mean. For example, whether other members of staff might be off with you or whether there would be mutterings of tokenism.

Of course, you're going to COMPLETELY FUCKING SMASH IT so those mutterings would be unfounded and you'd change their minds about women in the field, but I just think you would be wise to take the employer's expressed sentiment with a pinch of salt.

[ShotsFired]

@hungryhippo90

If ever there was a unanimous chorus from a load of objective people who have no benefit to gain either way, this is it.

Against the one person who is already show to be against it in practice and who will benefit if you don't. Hmmmm.

TAKE. THE. JOB.

[Xiaoxiong]

Another one saying take the job if they offer it to you.

If there really are others out there who will pay more, you will be able to command even more money if you are currently employed with relevant experience.

Your DH should be over the moon for you about this and the fact that he's not is his fucking problem, not yours.

[BitOutOfPractice]

TAKE THE JOB!

I felt like this was his way of sabotaging me

Your feelings are correct

[AfterSchoolWorry]

Take the job.

[hungryhippo90]

Thank you all so much!!
I need to do this, since I had my interview I am so happy, I literally feel like this is the very first time in my life I’ve attended an interview where I didn’t have to go to great pains to explain I have qualities to offer, I felt like the job was being sold to me, like it was me who needed to be impressed (which is so funny, because on my way there I was thinking, why do I even have an interview? Why would they want me?)

Thank you all!

[shinysinkredemption]

Take the job!!!! DH should 100% support you. Tell as many friends and relations about it as possible NOW and see what they say - they might recognise that DH is subtly (or not so subtly) trying to keep you where he wants you, and you could do with some RL people on your side. Congratulations!

[cakecakecheese]

You've worked really hard so you deserve it and no wonder they were trying to impress you, they'll be lucky to have you. As is your husband who clearly doesn't share your logistical and organisational skills!

[AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered]

To add to the chorus: TAKE THE JOB!

Well done!

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

TAKE THE JOB! And congratulations.

[ohfourfoxache]

Bloody well done lass, you’ve done brilliantly

You need to take the job. They obviously really want you.

Your “d”h is a dickhead, he needs to step up or fuck off. Actually the latter option might be less hassle

[Wallywobbles]

Wow. Take it. My DH is totally the opposite. I have an interview this tomorrow evening. And my DH is telling me all the ways they'd be lucky to get me. Despite being largely out of the workplace for 2 years and that's it going to be a sizeable ball ache for everybody if I get it.

[StormTreader]

Of course take it!
Sounds like he just wanted to be able to moan at you about you still not having found a job, he wasn't expecting you to actually get one.

[BodgingThisMumThing]

This is such a nice encouraging thread

[Xiaoxiong]

Shinysink makes a very good point actually about calling everyone you know IRL and communicating your excitement and pleasure at the job interview going so well.

If your DH sees everyone else rejoicing and congratulating you he will hopefully realise that he's being U and that any whinging from him will make him look like a total ass.

Also, when you get the job, time to sit down and have a long hard chat about equal division of household chores and management... your DH will need to pull his socks up!