To have the fucking rage with DH

[hungryhippo90]

So ok, I’m working on myself at the moment. Trying to regain some confidence. I finally gained confidence to try and get back to work, We’ve got a business but I don’t generate any actual income from it, there’s just my drawings from the business, that go into our joint account and that’s the end of it.

DH has been pressuring me into going into his line of work, I would be good, I provide some support to him at work, I generally take over the reigns if I feel I can.

I’d started to believe him that I could do this.

Then, I’d booked myself into training he has told me I should do for 3 years! Yes., 3 long years!

Broken down into a 3 day and 2 day split for this qualification that’ll mean I can actually earn some money.

First time he was supposed to be helping pick up and drop off DD from school, he picks and chooses where and when he works. He left it until a week before to tell me he had secured himself a little contract some 2 hours away so no chance at all of him. Being able to do school run, so he called his mum, who is brilliant and jumped straight into granny mode, DD stayed with her for a few days, she was open to helping this week, he said no, no I have to prove my point, I’m a father! I am capable of looking after my offspring.

He then gleefully told me today he had arranged to work from home so he could excel at “dad duties”
Fine. At least he’s taking it seriously.

He phoned me 20 minutes before after school club was finished, he wanted help to write up a contract for someone he worked with 2 years ago- he needs help so turned up at our door, hasn’t spoken to him since they stopped working tovether, but that’s not the point.

I said, you NEED to leave to get DD. You won’t make it in time. He left our house 3 minutes before after school club kicked out. It’s a half hour drive.

I called the school and one of the office ladies was concerned that DH mentioned he was working from home but refused to cancel DDs space and now he was late and didn’t even bother to call, but there I was on the phone fairly hysterical because they were supposed to be shut, I am 2.5 hours away and he just had one thing to do.

I’ve now just had a text saying DD won’t be in bed till 10pm tonight.

I am fucking raging. One day. One day. He doesn’t see what’s wrong.

[AtrociousCircumstance]

No brainer: take the job.

Your H sounds selfish and a useless parent.

Take the job, hold firm, stick with what you need and see what happens. Either your H adjusts or he can fuck off.

[HebeJeeby]

Take the job and keep it. I think he’s trying to sabotage you. Taking the piss out of the company’s name - fgs. He’s showing you who he is here. Bear in mind when you do take it, he will get worse in order to make it all too difficult for you to stay in the job- don’t give in, he will have to step up. Don’t you step down, otherwise what has all this work been for? You are worth this and you can do this.

[NurseButtercup]

Congratulations, I'm excited for you - I think you definitely should take the job because:

It will help to rebuild your confidence and self esteem, you will still be able to look after your dd, you will be out of the house.

I think your DH is a little bit jealous i.e. mocking the company name.

[sexnotgender]

Definitely take it.

[TyrannosaurusBexx]

Take it!

Unless it is going to have a negative impact on finances or children, which this most definitely would not, you are well within your right to do what you want. This is your life, don't live it through your husband.

[SunnyCoco]

Well done!
TAKE THE JOB!

[IwankaTramp]

He sounds an absolutely controlling arse.

Take the job -at least then you will be financially independent when the time comes for you to leave this chump.

[Niquitic]

TAKE THE JOB!!!!

[crikeycrumbsblimey]

Go for it.

Sounds like part of your confidence problem comes from your husband and given what you have said he doesn’t look to be part of the solution x

[diddl]

Of course you should take the job.

And leave him to sort out his own childcare messes!

[Lordamighty]

Take the job. You are living with a saboteur, expect him to step up his fuckwittery when you start work.

[Motherofallbeasts]

Take the job, organise good childcare- he pays 1/2.

[ChaChaChaCh4nges]

The best thing I ever did was refuse to give up my job when XH and I had our family. It meant then when we split up (he sounds very similar to your H in many ways), I was able to support myself financially and not rely on him.

TAKE THE JOB.

[lostlemon]

Well done OP in getting an offer so soon after your training. From what you said it sounds like a great opportunity and a great fit. Take the job!

BUT I would expect, given your posts, that your OP will be very unsupportive and you need to take the job but expect absolutely nothing from your H. If you go in with this mindset i.e. how are you going to get to work/manage childcare etc you will be much more able to cope with it. The fact is that you should not have to be asking your H for 'help', it should be a team. It's obvious from your posts that this isn't the case unfortunately. Good luck.

[CheeseRollingChampion]

Take it. Sounds like he wanted to appear supportive but can't handle it when it becomes obvious that you will excel in this area.

3k a year is nothing if the jobs on your doorstep. You could end up paying out that and more in commuting costs.

[Furano]

Take the job.

He is trying to sabotage you.

[IDearlyLoveALaugh]

Take the job! Your DH needs to grow up and support you! No wonder your confidence is low with him around making you second guess yourself!

[BlueJava]

Take the job as it sounds like you really will enjoy it. Tbh he just seems like he's controlling you and trying to get you to do what he wants. Just because something didnt work out for him with the company, doesn't mean it won't work for you. Fingers crossed it works out for you and they offer the job.

[Frouby]

Take the job. And going into the building industry start using the techniques you will need to cope with the 'big boys' on your dh.

We are in the building industry. Its a fucker of a place for women because 99% of the people you deal with are men. You need to remember that as much as mangement want women in these roles the blokes on site won't be used to it. And some will be absolute wankers about it especially if you are in a management role. Is it your site management course you have just done? If so the course is necessary these days but is viewed as a tick box by lots of the trades. So just because you have the qualification don't expect it to be respected by blokes with 30 years in the trade as they don't value it at all.

You can PM me the name of the company if you like, we know a few of them and I might know a bit about what they are like to work for.

But definetly take the job. Develop a thick skin, make sure you are always 100% right what you are saying and doing. And trust no one. The building trade is more bitchy and back stabby than any other industry I have ever been involved in. Keep your eye on social media (it's where they all go to bitch these days), join the different fb trade pages (but be a silent member!) to keep an eye out for issues and keep your friends close but enemies closer.

It really is a cut throat industry and women in particular have it tough. I know 2 QS and 1 assistant QS who are female. All 3 excellent and fair at their jobs. All 3 are pretty much hated. I would much rather deal with a woman QS as they tend to be better at their jobs than most of the blokes and you get straight answers from them.

Apart from me I don't know any female MDs. A few wives are named but rarely get involved.

[OhTheTastyNuts]

The job sounds perfect!! Take it OP.

[VivaKondo]

Take the job!!

The reality of him having to take some responsibility for his dd has just hit and he has, so far, refused to take it.
Don’t jump to his rescue by phoning the afterschool club, his mum etc... Make it clear that picking his dd up, putting her to bed etc.. is his responsibility when you are not there. And the. Forget about it. Just like he has when you were doing it all.

He will fail and struggle. Let him do so. Don’t rescue him. He’ll learn (or will show you loud and clear that actually he doesn’t want a self confident wife that has her own and is doing just as well if not better than him....)

[Soundsgood]

Do it
Do it
Do it

Don't end up bitter and twisted about it like DH

[VivaKondo]

And btw, you ARE very much within your rights to want to have a job you enjoy. This job has all the qualities you would hope for. It ticks all the boxes for YOU.
In this case, your DH has nothing to say sorry. The fact he is finding unsettling (whatever the reason) isn’t a good enough reason for you not to go for it.

[DisturblinglyOrangeScrambleEgg]

Congratulations OP - it sounds like you've really wowed them (and undersold yourself if they're immediately looking to put you in a more responsible role than you'd applied for)

Take the job. Excel as I'm sure you will, work with them to make the role your own and enjoy it.

Don't let him sabotage you or guilt you into anything - there's no problem with you working. If he can't step up and actually look after his own child, then sod him.