Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Second wedding presents

150 replies

WaffleTheFreezerAlligator · 10/05/2018 15:27

A few weeks ago, DH's cousin announced that her & her husband are having a second wedding.

Their first wedding was very quiet, immediately family only (so we weren't invited), and we found out about it after the fact. No problem with this at all. I'm a firm believer in doing what you want for your wedding. We weren't offended not to be invited as we are not really close to that part of the family, but were happy to hear the news and sent a card and a bottle of champagne.

The second wedding announcement was on Facebook with pictures from an engagement photoshoot and said something like "we're planning a big party, you all better be there!". Along with about 200 other people, both DH & I liked the status and sent texts saying that the party sounded fun and we're looking forward to it. I was a bit Hmm at the engagement photoshoot but thought each to their own, maybe they didn't get the ring / wedding they really wanted first time around and are making up for it now.

DH is away for work this week. Last night, DH's aunt (mother of the 'bride') rang me. Aunt starts by telling me how upset they are that we haven't sent an "engagement present" to the cousin yet. I laughed and said "but they are already married!" ( also thinking, regardless of whether we were to get them a second wedding gift whenever it happens, SURELY people don't give "second engagement" gifts to married people?)

DH's aunt has taken grievous offence at this and proceeded to tell me that it is unfair that we got "thousands and thousands of pounds worth of wedding presents" and her DD missed out. And that I "needn't think that bottle of champagne lets me off the hook" and that we're expected to get her DD a "proper wedding present".

She started to gear up to complain about various things about our wedding (which was nearly 5 years ago!) but I was having none of it and told her that I wasn't going to discuss this any further, we're not sending an "engagement present", we'll decide on anything further once a second wedding invitation actually materializes, and that if she wants to slag off our wedding she can ring someone else.

I've spoken to DH and told him to deal with his rude aunt when he's back from his trip. He was totally shocked at her cheek but mostly we had a laugh about it.

I've since spoken to my lovely MIL who has also had a call from the aunt along similar lines. Aunt & cousin don't think its fair that she "missed out" on having her day being the center of attention. She specifically brought up the amount of money her DD received as wedding presents vs what she thinks other family members received for their weddings.

I'm not being unreasonable am I? You don't just decide to have another wedding because you want to fleece your relatives? And even if you do have another wedding, you don't get flipping engagement presents? And if you want to tell someone the gift they got you was crap, you don't wait 3 years to do it! Grin

Also, just for context : DH's cousin is the same age as us (and we are all in our 30s!) We said "no gifts" for our wedding because most of guests were travelling a really long way. However, some people did choose to give us gifts anyway and we were really grateful for these.
The cousin didn't get us anything, and the aunt was very offended that we had said "no gifts" because this was apparently was a clever rouse to make people give us "thousands and thousands in cash" instead of presents. The aunt gave us a hideous fruit bowl about six months later and said "I don't agree with subsidizing people's honeymoons" when she handed it over Grin

OP posts:
ChevalierTialys · 12/05/2018 10:05

regift the fruitbowl

Genius!

FlyMaybe · 12/05/2018 10:06

Regift the fruitbowl...

Genius!!! Especially wrapped in banknote wrapping paper Grin

This post has raised the CF bar significantly. Another vote for MN Classics!

TotHappy · 12/05/2018 10:26

Perhaps a small bunch of sour grapes?

Walkaboutwendy · 12/05/2018 10:29

I'm slightly envious at the batshit crazy relatives. Ours are pretty boring in comparison. The only slight bit of craziness was when BIL had a big go at us for not sending a card to his daughter for her 23rd birthday (who was at that point travelling round Asia for a year somewhere so we had no idea where she was Confused) but thats nothing compared to this craziness Confused

Not fair OP you get all the fun AND a fruit bowel Envy

Walkaboutwendy · 12/05/2018 10:31

*bowl not bowel......althought maybe she could do with that too as she sounds like she's got something stuck up there. Her head maybe?

MrsDilber · 12/05/2018 10:33

A complete cf. I can't believe the nerve of some people.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 12/05/2018 12:02

RGTFB - a worthy addition to the MN "Bumper Book of Catch-Phrases For All Occasions"

(BTW - such a book would make a WONDERFUL engagement/ wedding/ divorce/ birthday/ graduation gift . . . Grin)

SchadenfreudePersonified · 12/05/2018 12:06

With a single lemon in it 🍋 Perhaps with ‘Something for you both to suck on’ written on the tag.

Oh Cough - How I wish we had a "Like" button . . .
Grin

daisychain01 · 12/05/2018 12:11

Try and find some faded naff old plastic fruit from your local charity shop to put inside the fruit bowl to really do it justice as an objet d'art Grin

daisychain01 · 12/05/2018 12:15

🍏. 🍌. 🍑. 🍇. 🍍 🍊. 🍋. 🍉. 🍈. 🍓 🥝 🍒 🍎 🍐 🍈

BigPinkBall · 12/05/2018 12:18

Does anyone else think the “bride” is going to be mightily disappointed after the 2nd wedding when she doesn’t turn a profit?

KeepServingTheDrinks · 12/05/2018 12:27

At the start of this thread, I thought I'd quite like a fruit bowl.

Now I've got to the end, I know I. Absolutely. NEED. To. Have. One.

Walkaboutwendy · 12/05/2018 13:44

BigPinkBall no sweat, third times a charm eh Wink at some point those pesky relatives will get it right.

Does she have kids yet? Maybe she'll do the rounds on all the denominations till you all get it right Grin think of all the christenings, baptisms, confirmations, bar mitzvahs she could have!

Celticrose · 12/05/2018 13:46

Cough

GrinGrinGrinGrin

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/05/2018 13:46

I love my fruit bowl.

Dahlietta · 12/05/2018 13:58

Do people normally send engagement presents?

Well we definitely didn't get any. Perhaps we should have a rerun and see if we fare any better...!

Fluffyears · 12/05/2018 13:59

We just got some tat from mil’s friebds so I can send you a plate that is decorated to look like a fox or some weird egg cups. Anyone on here can send you some tat to the-gift!

FuzzyOwl · 12/05/2018 14:12

I don’t think we got any engagement presents either and we really missed out by not getting a fruit bowl for our wedding! I’m going to look into a second wedding now, just so we can get a fruit bowl! Grin

Walkaboutwendy · 12/05/2018 14:23

fluffy brilliant idea! Let's start a MN gift box and all contribute.

I'm thinking this is perfect...

Second wedding presents
Mia184 · 12/05/2018 14:35

So they are having another wedding because they want to get presents? Please OP do give them the fruit bowl!

Dahlietta · 12/05/2018 14:48

Bit of a tangent, but I'm surprised at the number of posters who don't seem to own a fruit bowl. We have at least three. Are we weird?

MiddleClassProblem · 12/05/2018 14:50

3? All out at the same time?

TheCriminalMind · 12/05/2018 14:59

Shamelessly placemarking Grin

Dahlietta · 12/05/2018 15:16

Well, they don't necessarily always simultaneously have fruit in them. One is currently full of pens and bits of lego, but it's definitely one of at least three fruit bowls Grin

GnomeDePlume · 12/05/2018 15:49

Our fruit bowl was one of our very early purchases as a married couple. We felt very responsible and sensible!